Congrats?

What? I can't belive all the other details your mommy friends missed! No one told you: that you'll be in labor for forty-seven hours, you'll have to push for three, all the veins in your eyes will break, and your OB will yell at you for making too much noise and "wasting energy." You'll poop yourself, have to be catheterized to pee because the epidural is too strong and you can't feel anything below your waist, and then you'll pass out in the shower the nurse insists you take, after you've given birth. You'll be strapped down, held down, and chained to the metal table - oh wait, that's only if you're a convicted felon. But the anesthesiologist will mess up and have to poke needles all over your back, and you'll get a terrible spinal headache, you'll shake so much you'll feel like you have the DTs, and you'll be nauseated and starving at the same time - but all they'll give you is ice chips anyway. You'll scream obscenities at your husband, have to fend off your in-laws who are waiting outside the door to see the littlest lamprey, and everyone in creation including perhaps the janitor and gift shop manager will make their way thru your room while you are pushing the lamprey out.

I can't believe all the great details your friends missed out on passing on to you.

But seriously, best of luck to you and your little lamprey.

From my cousin, father of 2 delightful children, high school principal and former resentful teenage lamprey. He said:

Parenting is really hard at first, but then, you get more comfortable, you get into a rhythm of sorts and it gets a little bit easier.

Then, it gets really hard again. And again, you try to go with the flow, and it gets a bit easier.

Then, you repeat this, over and over again.

Then, you have the second baby.

I find that some days, I definitely feel like "a total impostor, a crappy mom, a complete failure." Usually, I've read a parenting magazine that day and spent a ridiculous amount of time attempting to catalogue what my daughter has eaten and how much television she's watched or I've spent the day trying to work from home and listening to my daughter say, "PLEEEASE don't talk on the phone, Mommy, pleeeeease."

Other days, I feel great. I get her out of bed when she wakes up, she snuggles up to me in my bed while we watch "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse," we talk and play and have fun. Those are the best days of my life and make all the hard ones worth it.

and, heather, whatever you do, WHATEVER YOU DO, please don't put your nipple in your baby's mouth for more than is absolutely necessary to sustain it's life.

because that is gross and very wrong.

Mine is 31... and has an 11-yr-old of her own.

I think I may have been even more exhausted by my daughter having a baby than I was by my having her... but I didn't know as much when I had her as you do now. Of course, that Conspiracy referred to here by another was still in effect then... and there were far fewer how-to baby books. Mostly, I relied on Adele Davis, figuring that if we were both well-fed (at least to the extent I could follow her), then the rest would follow. But... everyone's story takes its own turn, even though they are still so much the same.

Anyway, I cannot resist offering my own two-bits' worth, in response to such a potent post:

I know it's a cliche, but it really is true that the most important thing is for your children to know that you love them, because they internalize it and that becomes the energy and vitality they'll use to function and thrive in the world. Otherwise, things are waaay more than just hard. And it's much easier for children to experience that love and internalize it, if you truly do enjoy them, their little idiosyncracies, and marvel at how soon such things appear.

As for that Conspiracy... I would have been much better off if I had really understood what engorgement was, and what to do about it, as well as the benefits of sitz baths (especially of really strong tea), etc., all of which is much better documented now than in the early '70's. Nor had I read anything then about the benefits of chocolate for both babies & mothers (pregnant or lactating? Both?), or I would have indulged more. I did hear advice about napping, but didn't take it often enough, because I really wasn't much of a napper then. I was too young. Nor could I nurse lying down, because she would spit it up, but I had an Amish rocking chair next to our bed, and a cradle nearby.

Shorter version: anything you can do to take care of your own body's needs and wants (and they may be even more than you expect) will be to the good. Being a mother shouldn't mean ignoring what you need, especially during those first 3-6 months. Friends (new ones, if necessary) who have such practical knowledge will be worth their weight in gold.

Finally, falling in love with your baby does tend to smooth over (at least some of) the rough edges of everything else. Just like it does in any other relationship. By the time the honeymoon is over, you will have already invested so much of yourself that you manage to drag yourself through their puberty, however reluctantly, even while reliving your own.

Oh, and, stepping out on a limb here... TV is not always a bad thing, at least not for all children. I know some really smart & well-adjusted kids with unusual viewing habits. They are simply intelligent viewers. However, I would censor a lot of popular music.

Best of luck-- and take care!