The cranky pregnant chick schtick is so tired. I'm surprised you fell for it, Heather. But from this article and the one in the LA Times, I can see this is what you'll be going with now and in the future. Do you also hate it when people ask your due date? Are you thinking of getting a T-shirt with the answers to the questions: when are you due, what are you having, are you ready? Let me just guess: after birth you'll make fun of, at least once, women who give birth without epidurals, you'll come up with a clever new term for what is now called "boob-Nazi," you'll justify your c-section defensively, again degrading anyone who ever said there are too many performed for unnecessary reasons, you'll equate slings with native dress of local tribe of neighborhood non-career moms (who shoot you horrified stares for pulling out a Dr. Brown and jamming it in your indifferent "lambprey's" mouth, and on and on. You'll be the anti-Ayelet! You'll be celebrated by the childless readers of Salon!

Aw, sweet.

As long as this lamprey and any future siblings it may collect do not interfere with your ability and time to write, well then, you may keep it.

You could write about your trip to the dentist and render me incontinent -- so I'm crossing everything crossable (and a few things that aren't) in hoping that your writing shifts or at least extends to your domestic life.

Write on, woman.

Hire a nanny. At least 20 hours a week. From the start. Even if you are home all the time.

1. When you get upset or worried, remember that this is largely due to hormones. Just as all problems are ominous at 2 am, all potential problems seem worse when you're pregnant. A year, probably less, you'll think all this anxiety is funny.

2. If you want an epidural, talk to your doctor or other professional. Don't let other people talk you out of it.

3. You'll have some of the problems, but no one has ALL of them (I think).

4. All the problems will be put into perspective when you fall in love with the baby. Aren't there things you do with or for your husband that you would never consider doing with/for another man? There are things that you'd blanch at doing for another person's child that will not faze you when it's your baby.

Face it: if motherhood were really that difficult and terrifying, the human animal would have been extinct a long time ago.

that hasn't already been said? I could have written this article (if I were talented) four weeks before my daughter was due. I just could not figure out why anyone would want to have children, for the reasons you describe. But I went ahead and did it anyway, and, as others have already said, it has been so worth it. It took me longer than most to fall in love with my baby, due to a 3-month bout of PPD (but that's another story). When you hold that little pumpkin and its eyes shine up at you, you will know.

I should start by saying that I'm a 56 year old male who has 6 grown daughters (yes, I committed heinous crimes in a previous life), two of which have "lampreys" of their own.

When my first daughter was born I thought it was going to be the end of the world. The last thing I wanted was a kid. Fortunately for mankind, evolution has pre-wired us to get sucked into our offspring after we have them. Usually, I think, the ones who want them the least tend to be the ones to get sucked in the most.

Next you will spend years and years confronting situations for which you are unprepared (no matter how much you've tried) and to which you don't know the answers. Don't worry. There rarely are single or even necessarily correct answers. That's why being a parent is described as the last bastion of the amateur. So skip being uptight now and avoid the June rush. You're going to screw up. Your kids will be fine if you remain focused on two things: giving them enough freedom to learn things on their own and realizing that you are their teacher. What they learn about living they will learn from you. Personally, I made sure my girls could cook (their mother couldn't), manage money, and do car repair.

Your life will change forever. It's called being human.

Heh. Well, you've got the issues down pat. You're not going in with blinders, and you're pretty self aware. Having a child sends your life in an entirely new direction, one that can be scary and a bit intimidating. Childbirth is a frightening, traumatic, messy and painful experience and the expectations for afterwards are unbelievably daunting.

But then you look into that new baby's eyes, wonderous eyes that have never seen anything ever, and it's absolutely perfect.

in a parent is a sense of humor-- having that in spades, you'll do fine. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, but it may also be the only job that really matters much, in the long run. (Sorry, non-parents, I know you can't stand that kind of talk, but I'm just making a reference to evolution, not to the ultimate triviality of your pursuits. I certainly enjoy other work more than I enjoyed being a parent, myself, but the chances of anything else that I do surviving beyond the next generation are slim. You will probably be more effective than I.)

If your child has a perfect upbringing, she'll never learn to deal with adversity. It's a moral requirement to give her some problems to solve on her own-- and the best part about this requirement is that you don't even have to try! You'll be doing it even when you think you're the best act since Deadwood! I recently had the "You were a sorry-ass mother" talk with my 21-yr-old, and it's easy to see that her perspective on the matter was childishly skewed. She's fine, and maybe she let go a little of her anger, and I'm fine, too.

Finally, never forget the best maxim that I ever heard about parenting: "I wish I could say that I don't know what I did to deserve this... but I remember."

congrats and good luck,

Marijo