Heather,

Every once in a while, my son or daughter (now 8 and 9) will say or do something that is a little surety that all the effort and expense hasn't been such a bad investment after all. I call them "payoff moments." We were watching a TV show together with responsible, fun-inhibiting divorced mom and exciting, entertaining divorced dad. TV children bashing mom because she worried too much, blah, blah, blah. Since I am in much the same situation (my ex is a great companion, lousy provider) I asked my kids if they thought I was the responsible parent or the fun parent. They said, almost in unison, "You're both, Mama! You take care of everything important, but you're big fun, too!" Or when it is volunteered that, even if their friend has a bigger house, both parents, killer play area outside, they still wouldn't trade me for any other mama. How about at the end of a Saturday of hiking the bluffs or lazing at the beach, and they observe over the remains of the picnic I packed that this is just about the best day ever.

I have made many mistakes in judgement since I've been a parent (picking the wrong father for one!), but at the risk of sounding like some brain-dead breeder trying to justify her existence, when you have that moment of connection, see the adoration and appreciation in that little person's face, there really is nothing--nothing--sweeter in the world.

Good Grief! Is this what happens when women are allowed to recoperate in a hospital for only two days instead of a respectable four or five days? If you have postpartum depression--which used to be unlikely-- you'll get help. Otherwise,you can confidently look forward to a happy first few months bonding with your baby. Babies sleep a lot. You should have time to take care of yourself as well as your newborn.

I'm 32, had my first child seven months ago and I really think Salon needs to get a grip on how it covers pregnancy and children. Articles like this just tread over very worn out ground. Yes, the world is full of obsessive and materialistic mothers who have abandoned all sense of self and propriety along with the last diaper the lamprey soiled. But this is stuff of Park Slope email forums, not, I would have hoped, a decent mag like Salon.

Has anyone written anything good - I mean good positive and good quality journalism - about pregnancy and babies that doesn't pander to the idea that new mothers are insane and bitter harpies?

Good luck to the author, it's really not that bad, honestly. And if your so-called freinds and peers fracture what's left of your brain (for undoubtedly babies are tiring, let's not be naive) with outrageous questions and remarks in the playground, whip out a small, half consumed bottle of gin from your bag, light up a cigarette and watch them move away.(Note: The bottle and cigarettes need only be a prop, maybe you can offend them in some other way like by insisting you are not breastfeeding, even if you are.)

Regards,

Deirdre Tynan

PS: The article IS good quality journalism in so far as it was well written and a good read, I just wonder about Salon's motives for commissioning in it the first place.

I laughed through the whole reading. Funny because it's true. How can you be so spot on when you haven't even been through it yet? I also had a writing career. My last published article was submitted nine years ago. Thanks for the laugh.

I never got too involved with other people and other pregnancies...all I kinew was that I was ready not to carry the baby around inside me anymore, and holding my baby I fell deeply in love, each time, and stayed in the deepest googly eyed beautiful love for the first year, and an enduring love thereafter. I've had depression, but not after having kids...before

Motherhood changed me, but only to make me less self centered, and content.

I didn't breastfeed, and I don't care what anyone thinks about that, I did let each baby sleep next to my skin, which made the strong bond. I'm so jealous...I wish i was the one having a baby!!!

Everybody take a giant chill pill, okay?

I don't think anybody who's got an ounce of sense believe's that Heather's essay wasn't a good bit of tongue-in-cheek.

But every satire does contain a kernel of truth. And the truth of it is that motherhood is one of the hardest, most expectation-laden and yet devalued jobs in the world. Any woman who doesn't enter into it with some trepidation and fear is in for a rude awakening and some serious disappointment.

One thing you desperately need to do this job (I have a 16-month old son whom I love desperately) is a sense of humor. You need to be able to live in a world of breathtaking beauty, abject fear, crazy irony and full-on belly laughs. One minute your child will be doing something adorable, the next he will scare the living crap out of you, and then make you laugh so hard YOU need a new pair of underpants. It's not easy. And it's not for everyone. But it's worth doing. Even when it makes you crazy. People who tell you it never makes them crazy are lying.

A lot of time that sense of humor manifests in some pretty dark and twisted ways -- like calling your baby a "lamprey." Don't make the mistake of presuming that dark humor and deep love are mutually exclusive. The exchange in our house often goes something like this.

baby crying, usually because he's not being allowed to touch something likely to kill him...

My Husband: Can I trade him for a puppy?

Me: No.

My Husband: But he's really cute! I might even be able to get two puppies for him!

Me: You can trade him for a puppy, but you have to explain to my mother what has happened to her grandson.

My Husband: You never let me have any fun.

Me: That's what mommies are for, to make sure no one gets to have fun ever again.

Humor, even dark humor, is how you get through all the tough times. It's how you take the edge off of unbearable lows and pinch yourself during the impossible highs. Everyone needs to get the hell off of Heather's case. Let her have her sense of humor without trying to make her feel guilty. She's gonna need it.