Just a quick note to say that I so miss your writing here and hope the birth was as problem-free as possible. Come back just as soon as you can!! I have to admit, I'm surprised by how much your absence has impacted my workday. I'm sure you'd have some bitingly funny things to say about that, if you weren't busy with your little one. :)

Your loyal reader,

Nanda

Please God make people stop saying that breastfeeding can hurt and is so hard. ....labor hurts, babies drink milk. I don't see many mama cows wincing in pain or mam pigs (speaking of state fairs...)

Heather, congratulations and have fun with your lamprey in one arm and your humor in the other!

I think it is good that you have heard some of the bad stuff, it's nice to be prepared for some of the more difficult aspects of motherhood, but jeezem crow, buck up. You've got a lot of good information to prepare with, now prepare, don't waste energy drumming up a drippy pitty party. YOU'VE GOT A LONG WAY TO GO. Best of luck. you can do it.

Heather

mom to 3

I understand satire. And I'd be rollicking on the floor if the last five years of my life hadn't been an excruciating rollercoaster of delight, exasperation, suicidal depression, joy, humiliation, boredom and self-discovery. Sometimes I think what I've discovered is that I should never have become a mother -- mostly I am greatful that my son is in the world -- I'd just love to have someone around to leave him with at any spontaneous given moment, so I can think two thoughts in succession.

It's been a schizophrenic half-decade (thankfully, not literally -- and I have help for the depression). It keeps getting better. But yes, it's been incredibly challenging. And it's sort of hard for me to laugh about that, or even talk intelligently about motherhood with most people (even other moms -- sometimes ESPECIALLY other moms). Simply because it's the most blunt-yet-nuanced state of existence I can imagine. It's insanely black and white ("do NOT hit the CAT!!!!") and yet full of a million blending shades of gray. Love, hate, and everything in between -- something too much like Real Life to reduce to an essay.

I wish you all the best! To quote Lucinda Williams, of all childless, hard-livin' women, I wish you "pens that don't run out of ink, cool quiet, and time to think". Don't listen to anyone. Follow your instincts, take advice when you need it only from people who reinforce those gut feelings. Celebrate your joy, be gentle with your pain. Enjoy the view from the top of Everest; you've earned it.

Heather-

I enjoyed your essay. Your friends are kind to warn you about many of the negatives of parenting in such detail. Its a whole lot better to be pleasantly suprised (if fearful) than it is to be in total shock. Kids are hard, hard work and a lot of fun as well. Parents like to trade kid war stories - Its a way of bonding. They are trying to shield you from unpleasant surprises and to keep you from giving up. After all, if they survived to tell you the story, it can't be all that bad, right? Be prepared for the worst, but look for the best. It comes simultaneously.

Lisa

Good Luck with your baby, Ms. Havrilesky. Don't take too much time off from writing. I will miss your articles.

Sincerely,

Tim

>Up until 2001 the "Life" section was called "Mothers Who Think." If this did not tip you off that Salon is a magazine that, in addition to carrying stories about liberal politics and technology and music you never heard of, covers MOTHERHOOD issues, then there is no hope for you.<

Because of course, the "Life" section should be all about motherhood because that's all life is about, right?

>So kindly stfu already about it. You don't like it, go read something that treats mothers as invisible cyphers, like, I don't know, EVERY OTHER NEWS SOURCE ON THE PLANET.<

Oh, you mean like every other magazine on the newsstand, or every single freakin' woman's magazine, or even the smallest newspaper's "Life/Home" section which runs practically nothing but parent/kid stories. Or television news shows that are obsessed about parental concerns and only talk about singles and childfree folks to show what freaks they are? S'yeah, right. Yours has got to be either the most disingenuous (or deliberate ignorant) statement I've heard in a while.

>Seriously, why do aggressively proselytizing child-free types ever come *near* Salon? It's not like it's ever hidden its bias toward talking about mothers and their issues as if we are human beings in our own right and not just large attachments to our children, or nonexistent entirely.<

Because constant, incessant, "you're not normal/human/mature 'less you have kids" stories about mothers are stories that aren't done about the rest of us. You know, other people who have lives and make contributions to the world and do everything you do--except become "real" people by having kids. But I guess we should just be content to live in your shadow and be happy with the occasional condescending "poor single/selfish childfree in-depth" look.

I admit right here that I haven't read the other letters (no time with a full time job and two kids under five). I simply want to wish Heather the very best. My husband and I enjoy your writing so much! Your sense of humor will help you be a great parent. Thanks for the extra funny out here (our 6-month-old daughter's main nickname - "Princess Snots-a-lot" has now been supplemented by "lamprey" - ha!). You only made one mistake, though. NO WAY would that mom with all the organic snacks talk to you. Keep up that wishful thinking, though!

I hope your daughter is of "average size" (like Suri Cruise) and slides out like a greased weasel. I also hope you get a sleeper (but only if you've been patient with your mommy friends up until now).

God bless and good luck - keep laughing -

Heather, Mike, Henry and Lucy