Letters to the Editor
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don't worry!
Good heavens, such a fuss, especially from those who are shocked at the thought that some women might breastfeed their children for years.
Look, a woman who has trouble nursing or doesn't like it or whatever should wean her child as soon as possible or not breastfeed at all, and not let anyone cause her to feel guilty about her choice. And a woman who is happy to breastfeed her child for as long as they both feel like it should do just that, and not let anyone cause her to feel guilty about *her* choice. Just my opinion.
I weaned my first child (a son) at ten months, under pressure from others, and felt guilty about letting myself give in to this pressure. So I nursed my second child (also a son) for nearly four years, and did not give in, this time, to the pressure from others to stop. I remember my mother saying disapprovingly, "You don't want him when he's older to turn to a breast whenever he needs comfort." To which I was able to reply, "Better a breast than a bottle." The best reparte I have ever been able to come up with on the spot, and probably true as well.
Both my sons got through all the milestones fine. Both potty-trained themselves within days at about the age of two, and this was for the younger two years before he was weaned. I spent a lot of time reading to each son, and the younger once looked up to me when he wanted me to switch breasts, and absent-mindedly said, "Turn the page." And we both laughed.
Now they are both grown-up, happy and wonderful young men. Both are avid readers and fine writers with enviable jobs. Neither has ever shown any interest in drugs or smoking or alcohol. Both have happy sex-lives, as far as I can tell. The younger is partnered to a beautiful girl who is built like a goddess - the old-fashioned kind. He loves to look after her. In general he loves the role of caregiver. Neither he nor his brother is dependent on me in the slightest, nor have they been for a very long time.
The best advice I have ever heard or read is, trust your child! Learn from your child! Enjoy your child! They will go through all the milestones and grow up and make their own lives in their own good time, most likely before you expected, and that will be soon enough.
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Age appropriate activities
Yes, I cringed while reading this article, in the same way I cringe when I see a 5 year old being pushed in a stroller.
I understand the need for children to feel soothed and comforted, but I also think it's the mother's responsibility to find a more age-appropriate activity for her child. There are other means of soothing children. What worked for an enfant and even a toddler needs to give way to something new at some point, to suit the age of her child.
What is wrong with children becoming independant? The thing I get out of most of these parenting articles is that prolonged maternal dependence seems to be the parenting norm today. Now it's Mommy and Me. When I was a kid, it was Me and Other Kids My Own Age.
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re: You know, the NORMAL age to wean a child, in every culture except the developed world, is around 4.
Can you tell me the life expectancy in countries outside the developed world? Here, I'll do it for you:
USA/UK - about 77
Japan - 80
Ethiopia - 42
Guatemala - 66
India - 62
Equatorial Guinea - 53.6
Angola - 38.3
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re: The Sioux, among other tribes, routinely nursed children on and off for six years.
Yeah - look how well THEY fared!
This only got complicated when Euro males became the arbitors of what is right.
Sure, blame men for weaning practices...
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"I would urge certain Salon readers to do a little medical research before making unsound assertions and judgments."
What complete and total bullshit.
I would urge *you,* anonymous, to read the effing article before posting a letter. The woman is letting her kid suck on her breasts for a "few drops" of milk. Hardly, HARDLY I SAY, nourishment.
Child. Protection. Services.
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Take it easy people
As a father to a toddler myself, I totally support this mother's decision to continue the nursing ritual. How brave to put her story out there; I'm sure she knew how harshly she would be judged here.
Let me ask how many of you adults prefer to sleep alone at night? Most adults also like the comfort of closeness with someone, don't you. So why would you deny your children affection.
Ah, because they're breasts, you say! Well, the association of breasts with sexuality is a relatively recent Western concept. NATURALLY speaking, the primary function of breasts is to feed and comfort children. (Between this particular mother and child there is no sexual aspect to nursing. Nor is there a nutritional aspect anymore - it's not so much breast"feeding" as nursing for comfort.) It's like a hug. Remember those? Are we all AGAINST hugs and cuddles? Do you withhold hugs and cuddles from your 4-year-olds to ensure their "independence"? We're talking about 2 minutes (the time it takes to sing a song) out of a 24-hour day, here. Get over yourselves, folks. Let go of your sexual hangups and be grateful that not everyone out there has them.
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The answer lies in her own words.
Ms. Woodburn asks whether she should stop nursing her four year old. The answer lies in her own words: "Long past his second birthday, our son was still waking twice a night to nurse." Not only should her two year old have already been sleeping peacefully, but Ms. Woodburn should have been resting as well. Moreover, while I think all cultures can learn from one another, that "extended breastfeeding" is practiced elsewhere is hardly a justification for doing it in the US. Has this practice produced men who honor women and children? In many cases it has not. I admire Ms. Woodburn's perseverance when nursing was difficult in the beginning, but weaning is long overdue.
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Masturbation of Male Infants is also Commonplace Around the 3rd World
That's comforting to some cultures. Should worried mom's start handjobbing their wee lads to calm them?
This is the most disturbing thing I've read on Salon, ever.
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If this is supposedly so "ok" then answer the question!
When should the kid stop? When should any kid stop?
If breasts are not sexual but for nourishment (and now that we have determined that this kid is not getting any real nourishment, the supporters of this woman are also conveniently saying breasts are for "comfort") then wouldn't it be okay for every walking, talking kid or adult of any age to breastfeed? Why is everyone here who supports this woman avoiding the question that more than a few letters here have asked? If there is no harm here, and if it doesn't matter if this kid stops now or not, then when *should* he stop? How long should this mother and child go on with this ritual? (And don't say something absurd like "when they *mutually* decide" - for pete's sake, who in the hell is the parent here?)
As an aside, I wonder if this woman, or any woman who thinks that breasts are not sexual objects but milk machines, has ever worn anything to show off their cleavage? Push up bra? Aroused by them being touched?
Also, it's abusrd for people to act like taking this away from the kid is cruel. Nobody is saying that each and every "comfort" should be removed from the kid's life. I haven't seen one letter here saying that this child doesn't deserve to feel safe and secure through some sort of physical contact (hugs, hand holding, etc). But this? Sucking on a breast because otherwise he'll throw a fit? Doesn't seem to be a very healthy "comfort" if that's the case. Why isn't this woman helping him with his coping skills? It certainly can't be considered a comfort if this kid can't reasonably go without it. I think we call that a crutch.