Letters to the Editor
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LeCastor
Ahaha. Yes, you're right; I'd forgotten about that article. I must admit I couldn't see what the furor was about - after all, one should know how to add and subtract with a pencil before going on to use a calculator!
But I was speaking in general, and I have noticed over the last year or so that the letters that seem to get people in high dudgeon almost invariably have to do with women behaving themselves as they "should."
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I agree with "Appalling," mostly
First, I think it is absolutely acceptable to breastfeed where ever and when ever the need arises--as long as the child is under a year old. Then on it is a matter of much greater disgression.
But I have to agree that there IS something sick about a mother wanting her child to "remember" the experience, particularly if the child is male. I had a stepson whose mother would ocassionally remark that he suckled after 4, and as a teen was clearly ashamed and did not wish to be reminded.
The letter writer says:
"The fact that some of these women actually want their children to remember this is quite disturbing, because they are essentially admitting they want to keep their children dependent on them. In today's society it seems that parents throw their entire lives into their children, then hamper their emotional growth because they fear that someday they will grow up and not need them."
That describes EXACTLY the parenting style of the woman I mentioned above, whom I was married for seven years. Her two sons are now young men in their mid-20s, who live at home, STILL have no social life or real job, and dependent upon their mother who happily cooks and does their laundry. I've always thought there was something sick going on, but the previous letter writer was the first Ive heard acknowledge it.
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speaking from experience
I nursed until I was six. I still have memories of it. I had no reason to think it was unusual. When I was in junior high, I made a comment to my peers about in in class. I was completely unprepared for the teasing and cruelty that was unleashed upon me. It followed me throughout the rest of my public school education--it is even referred to in the yearbook from my senior year. When i confronted my mom about continuing to breast-feed me so late, it was clear in her response that our "secret" routine was more about her inability to let go than what I may have indicated as a child. I suspect the essay's author is concealing her own desire to keep up this clearly inappropriate habit. All I can say is, I would have preferred that my mom attempt to bond with me in some more practical way than in one that would ultimately humilate me. In the aftermath, I don't trust my mom. I hate to say it, but I don't. The author of this essay should consider that.
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Some of you people need a hobby
My mom breast feed my brother until he was 4. Like the author’s son he would ask for his milk by name at bedtime. I can remember sitting around at night with my brother sitting on mom’s lap in the living room with my family talking and winding down for the night. I’d often pick my sleeping brother up off my mom’s lap and put him to bed. It’s a nice, normal, family memory that nothing can sully.
Today my brother is an outspoken, smart, independent, athletic, funny kid. He’s one of the most popular boys at his school. He also has the sort of relationship with our mom (and dad) that would just make you feel good.
That Salon has so many readers just dying to push their personal beliefs into other people’s living rooms – I had to double check to make sure I hadn’t clicked on the Fox News website. So strange.
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That's 2
That's 2 anecdotal comments on people who were ashamed of their memories of breast feeding. Anyone else want their kid nicknamed "Milkman"?
The crap people do to their children to satiate their own fixations. Freakish.
Really, think of your children, as the ADULTS they will be.
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actually, that's 3
another was posted as I was typing
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This ISN'T about nursing
For all of the lactation proponants out there who seem to feel that if mom isn't prepared to whip them out the instant her toddler wants to nurse, let's get a few things straight. THIS WOMAN IS NOT NURSING. She is not feeding her child - by her own admission she is producing no more than a few drops of milk. This is not about providing nutrition for her child.
This is about a routine that she is reluctant to give up, despite the fact that she keeps it mostly a secret because she knows that many people would stare at her as if she just grew a fourth head. Children certainly don't grow unless they are pushed to do so - they, like most people, like their comforts and are reluctant to give up what is familiar to them. By using the excuse that her son "wants" to keep "nursing", she is certainly not helping him learn the indepenance that he is going to need very shortly.
No mammal nurses their infants forever. I've worked with horses most of my life. I've seen mares and their foals and once the foals start eating solid food, the amount of time they nurse is drastically reduced. They remain at their mother's sides, often long after the mare drops her next foal that she must focus on and I've seen yearlings try to nurse once the mares began lactating again for their new foals. They end up keeping kicked and chased away because these animals know what has obviously eluded this woman - there is a time when nursing must end.
This is nothing more than a ritual that she has set up in the name of tightening the bond between her and her child. There is nothing wrong with mothers spending lots of time with their pre-school children, but there are plenty of ways that do not involve your child sucking on a dry breast. Read to the little guy. Talk to him. Fingerpaint. Bake cookies. Just sit and cuddle.
It's obvious that it's not the child that needs to be weaned. Mommy certainly does.