Letters to the Editor
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What's the big deal?
People who have a problem with breastfeeding after a certain age need to lighten up. A woman is not "sick" or "twisted" for using her breasts as they are supposed to be used. Sending someone to jail for taking a picture of herself breastfeeding her one-year-old child--what the fuck is wrong with this country?
As for the sex thing, I would really like to see research done on this. There are too many pseudo-psych theories out there based on old Freudian crap. You could argue that children raised on breastmilk are more likely to have a healthier, open attitude about sex and not see breasts as such a big deal.
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thank you, mama
I was nursed until I was 3 and 1/2, and I have very early memories of things (including breast feeding) from about 3 and on (this has been confirmed by my parents that these memories are accurate and not just things I was told). I am a normal guy who never was "fixated" on mom. It was likely semi-sexual, in the sense that it was extremely pleasurable and happy and at that young age these are all mixed vaguely with the beginnings of sexual feeling. I am indeed a "tit man" rather than anything else. Perhaps this was the reason, but it's possible it was inborn.
I love my wife's breasts, they are sexy BECAUSE they are for feeding babies, because she enjoys having them sucked. When she nurses our son I feel a great pride that I have created a child with her and that she is nurturing it with a perfectly designed systen. If she and my son want to nurse a long time I will not be jealous. But probably since we are in America now that will not happen. It is not sick, it's natural. And it is natural to derive pleasure, both from remembering your mother nursing you and on her part from nursing.
If it helps I am from Cape Verde and this is not so uncommon there.
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Ms. Woodburn, Thank you for reminding us...
of how important is to not be so judgmental. You beautifully lay out the complexities of the situation and I am saddened that the immediate response of so many is to jump all over you. This is an important issue of mother-child bonding which should be more openly discussed.
As one other letter points out, there is a great deal of socio-cultural conditioning at work here. Many people read their adult sexualisation of breast into the actions of a four year-old child. In Japan it is not uncommon for a parent of either sex to share a bed with even a teenage (post-pubescent) child. What is inherently wrong with that? Only inappropriate activity above and beyond that makes such an act immoral, but popular perception would immediately turn to suspicion of paedophilic intent, especially if the male parent. That is a very sad comment on the human condition in my opinion.
Thanks Salon too for reminding me why I still read you religiously despite this piece appearing beside the usual Israel-basing slow-news-day article (what, no analysis of Muslims going ape-sh*t over the Pope's speech?).
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Much ado about nothing
I hardly see what is even worth mentioning about a kid this age nursing at bedtime only for a couple of minutes. Every parent develops rituals to put their kids to sleep. This one is unusual but I don't see it as harmful. He might remember his mom putting him to bed fondly but he probably won't remember breastfeeding in any detail (what can any of us remember with lucidity about the age of four) and it's not a sexual thing at all. In fact, nursing is a guaranteed way for a woman to stop viewing her breasts as sexual (at least for a while).
I fail to see the big deal about the mom giving the kid something he wants. You don't give a four-year-old everything he wants, but you don't deny him everything he wants either. If he really wants it, it doesn't cause problems and his mom doesn't mind, it's no one's business, really.
Ms. Woodburn should ignore "what the critics says" because when it comes to parenting, anything you do is going to be criticized by SOMEBODY.
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Sorry
Sorry, but count me with those who think this is really creepy.
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Ugh, another breastfeeding article
Is there a reason why Salon is so obsessed with this topic? It seems like every week there's another article about breastfeeding. I mean, whatever, it's an important part of parenting, but why don't we see an article on diaper choice every week? Or about what kinds of kids toys are best? Hell, why doesn't Salon just stop covering news and politics altogether and just become a full-time motherhood magazine?
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As 'possibly off' parenting decisions go...
...this one is really very mild.
Which is worse for a child at four years old, regular breast milk or regular soda and french fries? Which is worse, a few minutes of nursing a few times a week or a few hours of television every day?
In each pair, one is common, the other isn't. And yet nobody calls the multitudes of parents whose preschoolers are dining on McDonald's in front of cartoons on the TV 'sick'.
I will say that I think the author does need to put her foot down and just get her son used to the idea that he's a big boy now. Bond with him other ways. But in the long run, this seems like a habit unlikely to result in lasting damage.
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Oh, come on.
Letting a kid breastfeed is hardly in the same category as letting a kid run into oncoming traffic. Do the author more credit than that.
It's very typical of 4-year-olds and toddlers generally to need routine, especially at bedtime. It sounds like that's mostly what this is-- as the author says, the child doesn't even want the bedtime song to ever vary. It all seems pretty normal, except for the breastfeeding part, which is abnormal in this country statistically-- though not necessarily a bad idea. (By the way, creating routines for your kids is hardly spoiling them. It's exactly what's recommended at this age by many, probably most, childcare professionals.)
There's nothing wrong with breastfeeding that isn't somehow tied to oversexualization of breasts in this country. It's really all about bonding between a parent and child (it's way pro-family, natch). I don't really know this for a fact, but maybe a kid who grows up with a memory of breasfeeding will be able to think of breasts as something OTHER than sexual and become a more openminded thinker as an adult. Why not? The kid will have a totally unsexual memory of breasts-- I can't say I have that. Maybe things would be different if more people did...
What I find most disturbing in this essay is that children have been taken from their parents for being breasfed. At ONE YEAR OLD. Seriously, that's sick. Would you naysayers actually take this woman's child away from her?