Letters to the Editor
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Why get so offended?
To Ms Woodburn --
Thank you for a sensitive and well-written article. I, too, am debating when and how to wean my child (albeit at the much younger age of 2) and many of your comments touch on issues that all attached parents face with their children, about weaning and about many other aspects of their lives.
For those of you out there "appalled" and "tired" of breastfeeding articles, calling for Salon to issue a moratorium on the topic, I would remind you that Salon is in no way compulsory reading. The articles are clearly described. You can simply choose not to read them and leave them for those of us you are interested!
And for those out there accusing Ms Woodburn of making you look like a "deficient mom" for not nursing for 4 years, I ask you to read the article again. No where does she make any negative remarks about people who don't nurse.
I live in an area where nursing is the rarity, and I have felt accused of criticizing other mothers for not nursing their babies, when all I have done is simply mention the fact that I have. Why is it that we cannot have a real conversation about nursing (or many other parenting issues) without someone getting offended?
Please stop assuming that because one person talks about their choices, they are attacking yours!
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betcha this letter won't be an editor's choice
If rushed readers decide to forgo the 14 pages of letters and just click on Editor’s Choice, they would sure get the Right Idea – that breastfeeding a cleverly manipulative 4-yr-old is a great plan.
( Never mind that it’s pissing off the husband, yanking the wife’s chain, and accomplishing no nutritional objectives. What would we say if the letter writer boasted that her 4-yr-old still demands to sleep in a crib and she accedes because it’s a sacred ritual?)
Seems to me that the editors are so intent on feeding us the party line that they can’t even star a single one of the well-reasoned, well-written letters on the other side of the issue. I’m glad I didn’t spend my early-motherhood years soaked in nazi-mommy propaganda.
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Totally normal, folks.
Honestly, within my social circle nursing a four-year-old is not beyond the pale. My daughter weaned at 3.5, my 2.5 year old son is still nursing. Obviously extended breastfeeding is not a requirement for good mothering, but neither is it some sort of bizarre sexual fetish. My dad is a pediatrician, and he uses my experience as a nursing mother as an example to mothers of children in his practice who are concerned about when they should wean. (His principle: it's up to the mother, and the child. No one else gets a vote.) The economic incentive for formula companies to discourage breastfeeding is huge, and the larger cultural designation of women's breasts (sex toys for boys!) plays a role in how women view breastfeeding; this might explain the many strong reactions against the choices of the mother in this essay. Nevertheless, I am puzzled by how many people seem unable to grasp the idea that there is a wide range of normal for duration of breastfeeding. I'm much more worried about parents who refuse to meet their children's basic emotional and physical needs than I am about women breastfeeding past four or five.
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As parents, we lay the path
Wonderful essay!
My daughter just started back to her parents'-morning-out program. During meet-the-teacher day, I sat around with the parents of the other seven kids, and as we watched our preschoolers explore their new room, the talk turned to breastfeeding.
Turns out six of the eight of us are still nursing our kids at least once a day. The remaining two moms were wistful about their kids' weaning. We're professionals, living in a hip, Southern, urban area.
Seems to me lots of moms and kids are extended nursers, if only in private. I love that thought, but wish talk of hte practice could be more public.
My daughter leaves her room and climbs in bed with us--only after sunrise, that's a strict rule--and nurses for maybe ten minutes before the tickling and games of Baby Bear in the bear-cave or Daddy and Baby Gorilla get started. It's a wonderful way to wake up, and we're treasuring it.
As a first-time parent, I've been shocked at how my mothering plans changed--I was going back to work, I would pump for the baby there, and nursing would last for maybe eight or nine months, possibly the recommended full year. Wrong on all counts.
I've also learned that the big milestones happen almost on their own, almost magically. As parents, we set guidelines. We lay the path and gently nudge. It's the baby's job to learn and adapt. Miraculously, our babies learn to eat solids, crawl, walk, turn the pages of books by themselves and marvel at the pictures. Two weeks ago, my daughter potty-trained herself. (My mom: "You'll have to spend two weeks at home, all day every day, making her potty every twenty minutes!" Nope.)
Weaning, I feel sure, will happen in much the same way. I'll feel very sad, but I'll know she was ready.
- L
Raleigh, NC
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Personally....
I would love to see an actual peer-reviewed study that proves that children who are extensively breast fed are automatically healthy or better adjusted.
The only studies I have found suggest that breastfeeding is good for children during the first six months. That's it. After that there is no nutritional advantage at all, and no evidence at all that there is an emotional benefit inherent in sucking breasts. All of the claims made by the "lactivist" crowd are really coming out of nowhere.
I have read over the letters here, and personally I don't see "hostility" toward mothers or breasts. What I do see are a lot of people who are fed up with the absurd and overly-romanticized demands society makes upon women and mothers, the tendecny of society to project its weird needs onto children, and the emotional dishonesty of the article in question.
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do you *really* want him to remember?
My son is 7 months old and still nurses. He will nurse until he is at least 1 year. I am a *huge* proponent of nursing. On these forums, I once compared it to using a childseat. Sure, you don't have to do it, but you'd be stupid not to.
That said, with this late nursing business, I wonder if the author is thinking clearly about this. Are you really doing it for your child? Do you *really* want him to remember nursing? Do you honestly believe this will be a happy memory for him? Or do you think when he realizes what societal norms are, that he'll be ashamed? My mother nursed me as a baby, but I'm very thankful that I don't remember it. I understand that it is a pleasant time for some Moms (for others, it can be agony) and that babies love it. But I think a 13 year old is going to be mortified by it. And a 20 year old. And a 30 year old.
I'm not going to get into hyperbole here, I suspect this won't be the most emotionally damagin thing in your child's life, but I doubt he will look on it fondly when he is older...