Sheesh...never post while sleepy, I guess. I meant to say:

Find someone who is wholly comfortable with their body and sexuality (and yours), who is able to give more than receive (and not just sexually), and go at it.

There are 30 year old girl virgins, 30 year old boy virgins. As long as people deem it a rite of passage or some kind of minefield for emotional fixation, it will remain a fearful realm for the virgins to tread. Sex means an infinite number of things to an infinite number of people. The only way out of this mess, regardless of cultural sensitivities, is to acknowledge sex as a means of personal expression and not a social skill that can be cultivated.

No, women don't get more attached than men during their cherry popping extravaganza. There is merely a host of random social behaviors supposedly associated with females and virginity, ready to be exploited by any individual without the emotional fortitude to define their own boundaries regarding sex.

There is no shame in respecting yourself.

There is a rank stupidity to wait to discuss sex until moments before you may be about to have it.

In that respect you're just as dumb as virtually all the non-virgins out there.

Next time bring it up sooner. When you still have on your clothes would be a good time.

Anon, go back to the post this observation originated from. (Mr. Mason's, IIRC.) It's all about what _he_ wants in bed, not about sharing pleasure with his partner. And his advice is not meant to help, or even meant in a spirit of concern (Come on, advising someone to have sex with random strangers just to "get over it"? Yeah, real nice-guy stuff there.); it's what a woman should do so he'll deign to sleep with her. That's all about being condescending and selfish. It's a shame that whenever women call some men out on some of the latter's less-nice ideas about women, those men want to instantly whine that "women think they are right all the time." Women aren't saying they are right all the time--they are saying the attitude in question is unfair and inaccurate. (Sheesh. Hate to clue some of you guys in, but if you think a successful relationship is all about you being regarded as right and infallible all the freakin' time, you're in for some deep hurting...:)

the assumption that because the "advice" a that man might give a woman is not what she finds most helpful that it therefore must have been malevolently intended is exactly the problem, especailly when combined with the idea that males and females are fundamentally alike, a belief which conveniently removes a benign reason why men and women might think differently.

Get married to some damn harpy and revert to being a virgin again for the rest of your life?

There have always been a large number of non sexually active - at least publically - people in society. These included (although not necessarily) people in religious orders, academics (yes! - Oxford and Cambridge were bastions of all male celibate collegiality), barristers (yes! - ditto as above in the inns of court), 'maiden aunts', nurses, and teachers (mainly because women had to retire from these traditionally feminine occupations when they married), and many homosexuals who were, quite reasonably, afraid of the consequences if they were caught.

Although I sympathise with those who would like to have sex but for various reasons can't - including some people with disabilities - I am sure there are many who just don't want to be intimate in that way. To me this is an entirely reasonable proposition and not weird in the slightest. Sometimes I go through periods of wondering what all the fuss is about myself.

So number one: it aint so unusual to be a virgin at whatever age. Number two: for a lot of women this is a natural consequence of a woman's right to choose. And everyone second guesses their choices at some point. I'd feel sorry for these women if it were true that everyone who wasn't a virgin was having great, expressive, totally hot sex all the time. But that's not the case. I'm sure just as many non-virgins have a million sexual hang ups too. And I think it's a lot better to be a woman with no sexual experience than a woman with really bad sexual experiences - and there are PLENTY of them around, that's for sure.

As for the college conversation about who had done what to whom - I would have been doing the washing up too. What a pathetic conversation.

I think it's a mistake to obsess on the technicalities of virginity at whatever age. I say focus on what makes your body feel good - exercise, massage, eating - you can have plenty of sexual and sensual experiences without getting close to anyone else. And if physical intimacy is what you desire, then, next time you're feeling attracted to someone and they're feeling attracted to you, DON'T have the virginity conversation! Banish self consciousness and go with what makes you feel good. That's what will make the sex good. Conversations are nearly always mood killers so save it for when - or if - you want to get emotionally intimate, another time. And as for wondering if they'll be able to 'tell'. Not necessarily at all. If you're worried about it though ask a doctor to break your hymen for you. And watch a lot of Sex and the City for what to say when and to whom!

Any society offers certain routes to sexual relationships, e.g. hookups, dating, etc. but some people may be interested in the relationships and uninterested in (or repelled by) the socially-expected routes.

I've had many close friends; I've shared mutual attractions with some women among them, and wanted closer, possibly sexual, relationships with them, but I've never wanted to get into dating, and I've never found the right way otherwise.

Unviginize yourself with a dildo or with the help of a good hearted

lesbo. Then read a few Barbara Cartwright novels, then watch "as the world turns"

and make their stories yours,then go to a party showing leg up to your

unviginized crotch. Before long you'll be looked upon as another piece of ass,

till Mr husband comes along who thinks you are special.