It's interesting to see how many responses to this article are from virgins, and of these, how the majority are mighty unhappy about their continued virginity. Also intriguing are the writers who had sex once, were traumatized in some way, and gave it up.

Is this psychological affliction uniquely American? Sure seems like it.

(Oh, and particular appreciation to the writer of, "I'm not a sociopath. I'm a democrat." Christ, I haven't laughed that hard in a month.)

>Men on this site in particular keep dangling this "easy" solution in front of women without getting it into their brains that for your average female, doing these kinds of things (Craigslist ads? anonymous vacations? and other such) are DANGEROUS for starters and also about as fulfilling and appealing as a swim in a nice fresh toilet bowl.<

You have to understand that most of those guys suggesting this aren't doing so because they actually like women. They are suggesting this to express their dislike of women in general--and to make life easy for _them_, because sex to them is all about their pleasure, not sharing pleasure. They see women as replacable commodities, and as far as they are concerned those commodities better be up to their standardsd. In short, they aren't guys whose opinions are worth caring about--and certainly would make for lousy one-nighters, to boot.

>Men are not women. Women are not men. It's not the same thing.<

Wanting sex whenever is _not_ restricted to gender. (Boy, one of the more annoying developments over the past fifteen years is that one has to constantly refight this stupid "men and women are completely, utterly different" meme--which translates right back into that "men are strong, insensitive, and tom-catty; women are delicate little flowers" crap. People like different things, end of story.

>...what kind of ass starts to ask about sexual history in the heat of the act? These are great conversations to have, if they must, before things get physical.<

Any person who is concerned about _that_ in the heat of the moment doesn't have his or her mind on the business at hand. :) Which is a definite sign that said person is more about particulars than passion...and would probably be a not-great bet in bed...

>Leaving aside the risk of disease, the men in my past were either crushes, friends, or creeps. What exactly would have been the point of having sex with any of them?<

1) Yup. And the article doesn't take in account that college may be as much a "your sex life is in the street" place as it is booty-central. I wouldn't have slept around at college because it was a small place where everyone knew everyone. As well, being popular/acceptable was everything. If you were an unconventional person, you spent much time trying to stay below the radar so you could live in peace. In that case, why would you want to put yourself out there and give the popular crew _more_ ammunition to give you hassle--especially on such a vulnerable subject.

2) What this article (and all these "unvirginize or _die_!" posters miss is that there are normal reasons people stay virgins. A friend of mine noted that one is vulnerable on so many levels during sex, so if a person is naturally reserved and shy, why should they just open themselves up to someone who might trash them afterwards? Not everyone wants to play games or has a tough hide or wants to constantly run risk, so why should they be made to feel like freaks if they want to have sex on their schedule?

3) Relatedly, what is the big deal about getting rid of virginity anyway? Will one's head explode if one doesn't or something? From what I can tell, the amount of grief and put-downs virgins get over this causes far more unhappiness and complexes than being in a virgin-state, or whatever.

I am a 29 year old virgin and after much anguish and confusion I was considering the option of not being freaked out about it. Until I read this article and the letters to the editor. No wonder women in my position are terrified to disclose the (not so shameful?) truth. Because, apparently, it's almost guaranteed you'll be misunderstood or condescended to. There are several reasons I've not had sex, but none of them include obesity, or social anxiety, or religiosity. My God, is this the assumption? I am very pretty, and very slender, and never lacked the opportunity. You'd never know I was a virgin unless I admitted it. The notion that virgins are fat and unattractive is heartbreaking and untrue.

I've thought about a random one night stand, but my logic won't let me get away with it. What would be the point?

On the other hand, I don't need a boyfriend or husband to have sex. I am ready, and willing to have sex with a man I care about. But now, I'm almost positive I will not tell him about my virginity. (Although I have no idea how --or if-- that will fly). How cruel and unfair that having an STD is no longer a stigma, but abstaining (past a certain age) is. My mom even assumes I've had sex. Once, talking about a guy I dated for a while, she said, "Glad you got that taken care of. We were worried about you for a while." I kept my mouth shut.

And will continue to do so, thank you very much.

because of course any idea about anything that might exist that differs from the inclination a woman might have must be inherently evil, along with the person who has it, because....women like sex too, so if men like it more, or more indiscriminately, THAT is an affectation manufactured to express dislike of women. Thank God we have feminists to enlighten humanity about human nature.

>No wonder women in my position are terrified to disclose the (not so shameful?) truth. Because, apparently, it's almost guaranteed you'll be misunderstood or condescended to.<

Any man (or woman) who would pull that is not worth having sex with, frankly. My college roommate had a boyfriend who was athletic-looking and kinda arrogant (but was regarded as a good catch 'round campus.) I don't recall how the subject came up, but my roommate told me that her boyfriend noted that 1) he wouldn't sleep with a virgin, because they henceforth regarded one as their true love and got "dependent" 2) if said virgin was proving resistant to his usual lines, his rap of last resort was, "Well, what are you waiting for? Do you want the worms to get it?" It came as _no_ surprise to me when my roommate dumped him afore they graduated--a prince he was not--:).