It occurs to me that if I didn't want to offend those who are into more casual sex, I should not have used the "toilet bowl" analogy. It detracts from my point, which was meant to be that different people need and want different but equally valid things. Beg pardon.

An example of a young man of my generation (33 yrs) profiled in Salon today:

"Just after the fall of the Taliban in 2001, Stewart walked 800 kilometers (or about 500 miles) across Afghanistan, from Herat to Kabul.... This strange walking tour of Afghanistan -- in winter, in wartime -- brings us to places so remote that villagers have never traveled more than a three-hour walk from their homes.....Amazingly, you never doubt his sanity for undertaking what is, in the end, a journey far more dangerous than most of us can imagine."

And then, for the young women we have this:

"She wasn't ready to sleep with him yet, but she was close, real close. One night they were at his house, making out on the couch, when he asked her, "When's the last time you had sex?" The question was blunt and unexpected. She didn't know how to answer, and she didn't really want to....Some people may think Amanda is unique, maybe even a freak. But the fact is, there are a surprising number of women -- smart, savvy and attractive women -- who still haven't lost their virginity into their 20s or 30s."

auuuuughhh!

Could you not find an fascinating, intelligent, inspiring brave young woman, doing some serious and important work somewhere, and profile her for once?

Somewhere in the world today, there is a young woman who has just as much to say about politics and the war in Iraq -

and you ask me to read more of this drek?

I think I've simply had it.

I'm not renewing my subscription. Maybe I'll try again in a few months.

Kohen makes some interesting points, but the narrowness of this article does a disservice. We read this to believe that this is a problem specifically for heterosexual women who are not driven by religious ideas.

Is it more difficult for straight women virgins, than say for straight men, or gay or bisexual men and women?

I think there is a strong argument that men (regardless of sexual inclination) are more "cursed" by a lack of sexual experience. Could it be that women are simply "catching up" to what has always been a challenging standard for men?

Personally, I think we have to eliminate the word 'virgin.' The word represents such a fine and misleading distinction between sex that MAINTAINS virginity and sex that TAKES virginity. It's a silly, old-fashioned, and useless word. Let's stop using it.

Sex is sex is sex. If more than one person is involved and at least one has had an orgasm, it's sex. A more useful distinction is between those who have had sexual experiences and those who haven't.

Using the word virgin ignores certain sexual acts and is weighed down by notions of purity and coming of age.

And on a completely different note, what kind of ass starts to ask about sexual history in the heat of the act? These are great conversations to have, if they must, before things get physical.

While about a man, I'm surprised no one has mentioned The 40 Year-Old Virgin and its success.

You can't be serious. In all the years men present themselves to a woman, not one man is worthy? That is RIDICULOUS. Something wrong with HER.

Unlike for the average woman, the average man does not have such options of women presenting themselves for sex/love/relationships **DAILY**.

I have had intercourse with one woman in my life, 18 years ago. I am too scared to be rejected for wanting to be sexual anymore with a woman so I do not bother dating or seeking relationships or sex. I could have it if I sought it, but I am chicken and/or socially retarded I guess.

... after that comment, for some reason I now want to restate my "toilet bowl" analogy. At much higher volume. I'll refrain, though.

"Unlike for the average woman, the average man does not have such options of women presenting themselves for sex/love/relationships **DAILY**."

OH my god this it TRIPE. Brightstar, if you actually believe that no wonder you're so upset all the time. I kind of want to hug you now.

You wrote:

And on a completely different note, what kind of ass starts to ask about sexual history in the heat of the act? These are great conversations to have, if they must, before things get physical.

What? It's only basic sex education that people ask each other about their sexual history before consumating the act. Ask anybody who teaches sex education. I doubt it would feel natural to ask about someone's sex history while dispassionately sipping lattes at Starbucks.

It would be "perfect" to have a long, revealing pre-physical intimacy conversation about sexual history but alot of people don't get perfect, they get where they are in fits and starts of flawed humanity. These men are to be applauded for due diligence if not for their good timing.

And speaking of sex education, a good national source of sex information is the San Francisco Sex Information Hotline (call information). Though local to SF, they take calls from anywhere on any subject relating to sexuality.

No, it doesn't ... although it's painfully apparent from this forum that there are plenty of people who are convinced that involuntary virginity is the direct result of morbid obesity. Folks, I'm 80 pounds overweight, and while I get a lot of "you have such a pretty face," I'm sure the majority of the male posters here wouldn't look twice at me. But I lost my virginity at 19 after an adolescence of happy, heavy petting; and after a blissful, hedonistic, and occasionally slutty 20s and 30s, happily settled down with my dear hubby at the tender age of 43. And no, he's not fat, ugly or socially inept.

I thought the article was okay -- no great shakes, but decent. Frankly, the readers' reactions as expressed in the letters section made for more interesting reading. Really, folks, don't y'all think it's time you got over your misconceived beliefs about the allegedly sad, lonely and deprived lives of the overweight? After all, the waistlines of this great nation of ours are in a state of continuous expansion if you believe the CDC and American Heart Association. And yet the schools continue to swell in tandem, with insufficient teachers and too-full classrooms.

Someone out there is reproducing, and there aren't enough thin people or immigrants in the USA to account for the numbers. Oh my goodness ... could it be ... fat people are FUCKING? Who knew?