and that is that it sheds real light on the problems that everyone has. Women have not a clue how much it takes for almost any man to approach a woman and are in total denial about how much they really do require, and men can't easily grasp what kind of problem a woman could have because there are no many normal guys willing to sleep with any woman who wants it. Virginity is just the most extreme example of a social problem that everyone has, and everyone has been one and had to deal with it somehow, or not.

My thoughts exactly - why keep labeling people "virgin"? How about "he/she hasn't had sex yet"? "Virgin" carries all kinds of negative (these days) connotations. I vividly remember being a young person and being asked by various guys, in an impudent, insulting tone, "Are you a VIRGIN?" Like, isn't that a really personal question, first of all? And why the presumed shame?

I was a little older than the presumed "norm" when I "lost" IT, and here's my reason: lack of privacy. I grew up in an urban environment in an apartment building with very attentive parents, and when I got to college I always had roommates. I was and am not of the temperament where I wanted to experiment with an intimitate act with either a) a roommate in the next bed or b) my parents in the next room. I mean, the first time is intimidating enough.

So, while I was wildly curious and eager to get on with it, it was awhile before conditions were right and I got a chance. And when I did, yeah, I totally lied so the guy wouldn't freak out and imagine I would get too attached to him because it was my oh-so-special first time. Guess what guys: The first time isn't necessarily so enjoyable or special! Get over yourselves, and just do a girl a favor.

Sounds good to me and I'm quite certain that in spite of what a lot of people seem to be suggesting that I am far from alone.

If a 30 year old had not voted yet, that's a real problem, but not yet had sex? C'mon, let's get our progressive priorities in order! Still, this article hit home, as it described my concerns of 20 years ago. I've voted since turning 18, as often as possible, but it took 10 years longer to find the right person to make love with. So here is an analogy. Suppose, on the 10th date, a man discovers that the woman he's with has never voted for a canidate who has won. He expresses surprise and disdain that she has never voted for a winning candidate. Or, he talks an encouraging line, but makes no effort to help her register to vote or encourage her to get to the polls on election day. He breaks off the relationship. Should she think there is something terribly wrong with her? Or suspect that perhaps he's a condescending jerk? Or that their feelings about politics are likely very different and the relationship would never have worked no matter how many winners she's voted for? Would it be worth it to lie about voting with the next guy, vote together on election day (for who he tells her to vote for, of course), in the hopes for a winning vote experience?

What if she'd never played golf or bridge? What if she didn't swim or ride a bike? Would that be cause for ridicule or a the end of the romance? Would it be worth it to lie about her golfing experience, read up, practice, hire a pro, just to have a relationship with someone who can't respect her for who she is right now?

When two people truly love each other, it does not matter whether they have had no lovers or 50. What matters is how they treat each other in the here and now. To go back to the voting analogy, instead of deceiving a cad into telling you how to vote, read up on the issues, use practice ballots, imagine what the world would be like if candidate X or Y wins, fantasize! If you vote and your candidate loses (this is like striking out, no?) keep voting! that's a truer measure of adulthood.

I meant to be constructive in my post. Yeah, it wasn't advice I'd give to a friend because it was too blunt, but I figure on a message board, bluntness can sometimes be welcome since you may never hear that kind of advice in real life.

Being a virgin is not equivalent to being naive, I can vouch for that personally. And how does posting anonymously on a message board justify being callous and judgmental? That's a big difference than being blunt -- you had this woman all figured out, yet you don't even know her.

true but it's a matter of judgement which is which. Don't you think that the broader point that social accountability can lead to the suppression of real information about what people really think and what is really going on is valid.

WEll

I'm not a virgin but, not having been on a date or had a relationship or any shred of physical contact for almost 7 years, i certainly feel like it.

Wow alot of criticism from alot of non-virgins here....where exactly your viewpoints matter i guess i missed.

Where do i start with my tale of woe?

A teenager with many emotional issues, body image included (anorexia used ot be an issue for god's sake)on welfare, no friends, no job, no license....oh yeah, and my hair began to thin last year on top of it all, no pun intended. (and we know how much women love bald guys in this, ANY, culture).Where do i even begin to assemble a shred of confidence? It'l be years in the making through improving my current circumstances, if at all.

If i sound angry and bitter, well i bloody well am, and i certainly don't cotton to people telling me its ALL (and certainly it is to a degree, at least for me, I'm not totally blind to my own part in this sad existence) a matter of choice and that virgins deserve what they get in today's society.

Yeah,Alienated doesn't begin to describe what it feels like to be in my skin.

The future looks bright.