When I read this article, and it's following "letters"

it was that mix that you get from everyone when this

topic is discussed.

Between amazement, Confusion, snide remarks, Shock,

unbelieving etc. And that's pretty much how it's always been when I tell someone the truth.

The first 3 questions I usually get asked is

1) By Choice?

2) Wow, You're really lying right?

3) Sheesh, Whats wrong with you?

The first 3 statements generally are

1) By Choice?

2) Wow, That's admirable. Goodbye

3) I'd love to take that from you.

And that's the funny thing to me. One of the reasons I've never had intercourse is purely by choice. I don't buy anymore into the "wait for your mate" idea. But I'm also not thrilled with the idea of hearing "Wow, that was a huge mistake" when I choose to give something that is a gift. And I surely believe that you give it to someone. It's a little grinding when someone says that they lost their virginity. They usually know exactly where it went too. And yes, they might regret it, but

it isn't lost. It was unfortunately not cherished as a

first time experience. And yes, A hetrosexual male has used the word cherished.

Do I think about sex. Umm I'm male so yeah. Will I have sex in my life. Planning on it. but I'm not going to just run and buy a 100 dollar hooker just so that I can say I had it. I do want it to mean something. Even if it's with someone I care about and not have a permanent relationship. I do know one thing, that many of the long term virgins know a lot more about intimacy than the people that have been jumping from bed to bed for years.

One of the things that I know is that my thoughts for

intimacy are very different than someone who thinks

with their penis. mostly because where I haven't been able to enjoy pleasure of intercourse, I've been able to enjoy the pleasure of taking care of a lover. And

that's many times more special than being able to stick

something into someone else. Sensuality is learned,

Intercourse is automatic.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin and being older. It's just that it's taken that long to get the genie out of the bottle so to speak. And most of the time. It's well worth the wait because we

want to be sure that it is special.

I think you've both just found your soulmate. Why don't you guys catch a movie together? May I suggest THE WICKER MAN?

I'm wondering if maybe people get sort of uptight and weird about it, not because they're traumatized or have daddy issues or are insufferably boring, but perhaps because so many people are so mind-numbingly jackassy about it.

I can think of two adult male friends, one 31, one 28, both attractive, funny, clever guys, both virgins. Now, being sort of on the slutty side myself, I find it weird, but probably in the same way that people find it weird that I can't drive a standard. I mean, you'd think I would have gotten around to that by now, but I haven't. Curious. But really, not that big of a deal.

As a species, we tend to have our heads up our asses most of the time, and it's pretty hard to see where someone else is coming from in that condition. But it's pretty obvious from these stories that while there are people with real issues, and people who are celibate on purpose, and people who hold out for some true love ideal, there are also people who have just been getting shit about the status of their cherries for most of their adult lives. How are you supposed to do something, anything, for the first time, if you've been subtly or even outright told for ten or twelve years that you're a total freak for not having done it yet?

I can't compare very late virginity (in a culture that generally accepts premarital sex) with not knowing how to drive a stick shift.

Sexuality is a basic human urge. To deny it is to repress basic human functions unnaturally.

Often, when basic human functions are repressed unnaturally, they burst out in an uncontrollable aberrant fashion. Like when a bulimic fasting downs a gallon of ice cream all at once.

Now, like everything, sexuality is a full range of intensity, and there are people who actually don't have sexual urges, or have them way less than the average.

But generally, sexuality is like the urge to eat: it's basic, it's human, we need it to survive. Stop the headgames and enjoy in moderation.

For anyone who's wondering how it's possible for people to reach 25, much less 30 or 40, without having sex or a long-term relationship, I have to ask... do you not understand that not all attraction is reciprocated? Not everyone is so fortunate. Even when you're in college and surrounded by people, it's no guarantee that you'll find someone you want to be with, and even if you do, there's no guarantee that that person will return your affection or be available. Furthermore, the older you get, the lower the odds - people get married or otherwise pair off, and you're just stuck as a leftover with ever-decreasing options. On top of that, it doesn't get any easier when you're constantly bombarded with the message that you're a freak, or you must have deep-seated issues. It's very simple - some people just never manage to find the right situation, and every individual has their own unique definition of what that is.

Language shapes social norms as much as it reflects them. Words matter, as anyone who's been called colored or crippled can tell you. The word virgin originally meant an immature or adolescent girl. Applying it to adult women - let alone men - is very revealing in that light: society is saying you're immature, infantile, and if you're a man, effeminate.

Dating and meeting people in our impersonal society gives rise to a lot of attitudes and stereotypes. They come out of self-protection – nobody wants to be stalked, after all. But there's no clear line to be drawn, and society winds up "protecting" itself from a "class" of people who really aren't all that different.

For a start, let's get rid of all the virgins. Lose the word. If you like, you could be CBC – "celibate by choice," or maybe "celibate by circumstance." It's nobody else business, anyway.