http://www.humanistsofutah.org/1993/AbrahamMaslowAndSelf-Actualization_12-03.html

http://personcentered.com/selfact.html

Abraham Maslow Maslow believed that we can learn the most about humans by studying exceptionally healthy, mature people. He coined the phrase "Self-actualizing persons" to describe these people.

One of his findings was that self-actualizing people would almost rather have not sex at all than have it with someone they do not love, or at least are very close to.

A good source of knowledge of Maslow's research is "The Third Force: The Psychology Of Abraham Maslow ". Maslow himself was not a good communicator, and said this book explained his work the way he wished he could.

1. Being critical of the opposite sex is not the same as hatred towards the opposite sex. Otherwise, most American women could be accused of being man hating.

2. Women almost invariably choose the slicker guy, I have seen it many times in my life and in my male friends lives. This is why we all think most women are pretty damn near stupid. They choose for shallow reasons. Likely, we have ascertained, to show off the guy to their female friends.

3. No woman has to do any 'right' thing to get me interested in her, unless the right thing is for her to think for herself, have an interesting life, be somewhat attractive, like men and sex, and not be morbidly obese. Asking too much of American women, I know.

4. I rent out rooms, and two guys who have recently lived in the house have had 8 and 6 girlfriends in the past five months alone. Meanwhile, the other guys in my house, the ones who refuse to play the 'game', have had 1, 0, and 0, girlfriends. Admittedly, two of us are not as hot looking as the playas, but the third guy could pass for Matthew McConaghey lookswise and is smarter, more ambitious, more polite and wealthier than either playa.

5. How do you know what most men think? Many men have opinions like mine. Many men also know if they ever stated such opinions to women, they would not get any sex from women anymore since women want to be fed lines rather than being told the truth. My mission is greater than that- making women understand that men are not what women think men are and that feminism refuses to account for men's needs, feelings, thoughts, preferring to TELL US MEN what we supposedly 'think'.

6. Dozens of books telling men how to be successful with women say the same thing to men- learn to become harder and tougher, because women may claim they like sensitive men, but they do not respect those men, most notably they do NOT reward such men with love, affection or sex. Either all the books are wrong and Le is right, or Le is wrong. Which is it?

7. I have no need for your or any feminists' opinions. Since y'all are a dying breed who is not reproducing anyway and who has misled women into thinking all men are evil until proven otherwise, hence causing all sorts of animosity and misunderstanding between the sexes and the current 'gutter' culture the virgins refer to in the article.

Feminists hate men. Despite their protestations, their actions amply prove otherwise. So why should men NOT hate feminists in return?

PROVE ME WRONG

But one thing that someone said really upset me:

"Sometimes I think that non-virgins attack virgins because their own first times were depressing and sad and took place at some drunken frat party with a guy who wouldn't talk to them after, so they want to inflict the same shame and humiliation on people that didn't happen to."

I'm definitely not a non-virgin, but I have "deflowered" one male virgin and turned down another. The reason why I turned down the one guy was that I knew at the time we were dating that I would not be a good first partner. He deserved a great first sex partner, someone who could he could trust both physically and emotionally. I was smart enough to know that I wasn't that girl and we stopped dating. He did finally find that girl and dated happily for several years.

Anyway, a virgin can get turned down for other reasons than inflicting shame and hurt. I say this because I was lucky enough to have had a wonderful first sexual partner...we dated through high school and for part of college and we had great horny teenage sex.

Thinking back on that, I believe that it came from having fairly open and honest parenting about sex and both being very curious kids with the freedom to a wonderful public library full of the most amazing books with sex in them!

A lot of these posts from late virgins or people with bad sexual experiences seem to be due to a lack of education about sex, not just STDs and pregnancy, but about the pleasures of sex and intimacy and knowlege of your own body and mind and how to share that with someone. Is American culture with it's puritanical background but contemporary focus on commoditizing sexuality the really problem here???

Sex. It was the cosmic in-joke. I didn't get it, and the more people talked about it, the more frustrated I got. I was not threat to become a homicidal maniac, but I DO understand where that mentality comes from. It's a sense of unspeakable alienation. Like, feeling hopelessly lost from the mainstream, you sever ties and decide that rather than to try, you build a wall between you and normalcy.

And I sure as hell didn't want to end up like that. Still, I would hear tales from friends and family members (brother and cousins) about their conquests. One that sunk deepest was a story my cousin told me about spending a weekend at Myrtle Beach and getting it on with some Hawaiian Tropics models. Out of his league, but with beer, anything was possible.

So it only added to that frustration. WHY was I still a virgin? That was the question.

Values? A sense of hopeless romanticism. A dated concept of love? Well, yeah. A lot of those things. You know, the person you had sex with was supposed to be your best friend, confidante, and lover. It was all about trust. Something emotional. Coming from a guy, that sounds weird. Course it was physical, but...couldn't get there without the connection, right?

But I am getting older. And I wanted to experience things. And I was tired of being out of the loop. So I did it. There was a little chemistry, but no real connection. Basically, it was like jumping out of a plane--trying to get over that hill. I felt kind of accomplished, but no real sense of pleasure or satisfaction. (Maybe it would have been better if it was with a woman I was actually interested in/attracted to.)

Problem is, I had no way of knowing when that would happen. Worse, what if that woman would be turned off by the fact I was a virgin when we met? Kind of a catch-22.

It's easier for other guys who don't think and just screw. Course, they aren't interested in monogamy, and for some women, that's okay (seems like that number is rapidly growing). I don't want to have act like a "bad boy" to get the girl, but that's another topic altogether. As for sex and losing the big V...I found it to be overrated.