Had my first serious relationship at 17. And have had a series of long-term relationships since (4 years in college,followed by 3 years after college, followed by 1 year with the guy I finally "lost" it to.) I've always been very outgoing and popular. Also, I've always considered mmyself a very sexual and sensual person. I masturbated frequently, I knew what an orgasm was by the time I was 15. I've always viewed sex as a natural, positve experience...so why was I still a virgin at 25? Precisely because of my sense of my own strong sensuality and sexuality, and the "crazy, freakish" thought that sex should be thouroughly enjoyable (not tolerable).

Here's my question, how can someone be in a relationship with someone for FOUR years and not have sex? Sex is part of relationships, like talking is. I'm not saying jump into bed on the first date, but 4 years?!

But lets face it, vaginal intercourse, for the most part can be painful for the first time; so I kept putting it off.

I did not want to have sex in the backseat of a car with the pain of hymeneal perforation joined with watching out for a police officer/pesky neighbor/passerby who would catch me in the act, while simultanously having to ignore the calls on my cellphone from my parents (need I say: mood killer?), and having your joints in uncomfortable positions. I also didn't want to do it while waiting for the guys mom, roomate, etc.(and viceversa). I wanted to ENJOY sex since the first time and franly the location hadn't clicked with the desires. Either the setting was adquate but not the partner or the partner was adequate but not the settings. As pure and simple as that.When this two factors meshed I lost it.

So you were with the wrong guy for 4 years, and then 3 years, and then 1 year, or for all of 3 years after college, neither you nor the guy had your own room anywhere, so you were forced to consider the car or a dormroom for 2 or the parents' house?

I mean, i'm thoroughly confused.

When I was 13 years old, I liked girls with stick figures. By the time I was finishing school, I liked to see some breasts although I've never been a breast man. By the time I was finishing college, I likes more curves. Now, at 39, I like to see a woman who has a real figure, i.e., hips, breasts, some form on her rear. Not fat, but some shape.

The same can be said of sex. When I first started having sex at around 17 years, I wanted to be the only one she'd ever had. A couple years on and I wanted her to have experience so that she would know what to do with me. It was all about my pleasure in it. Now, grown up, married and in love, I want to know that she enjoys it as much as I do. To do that, she has to know her own body, know what she likes and be able to express it. In other words, she needs some experience.

I don't know how it is for other guys my age but the idea of a virgin is not attractive at all and hasn't been for a long time. I would like her to have the skills to please me and understand what I am saying. I would also like her to be able to appreciate the experience I bring.

I can't advocate young girls having sex. To each his or her own and no one should engage in sex until they're ready. However, I can understand a guy who is experienced not wanting someone who isn't, especially if the guy cares about the girl and wants her to enjoy engaging in sex as much he wants to enjoy being physical with her.

I guess it's growing up.

No, actually if someone waited to get their PhD I would assume it was not a top priorty for them, because it takes a long time to achieve, otherwise they would have worked on it as soon as they could, they decided that it wasn't first on the task list. Not that they don't value their PhD, but that it wasn't top of the list so they probably wouldnt' mind if they didn't achieve it. I guess I should have been clear, priority does not equal value. You can value sex but it can also not be a priority for that person. Hence the people that wait because they want it to be special, but didn't really put any effort into it so they wait a lot longer than others because it has value, but it's not a priority.

Geesh, don't get all offended!

And yes there kind of is a schedule, it's called fertility and being concerned with the possible health risks births entail the older the woman is. Finding the right person takes years, decades sometimes so I do think waiting till your late 20's to enter the game means that a family and children aren't a priority, meaning you could live a happy life without them but it doesn't mean you don't want them.

You even agree later and say it was true for you, you focused on other things because you put your fears and insecurities over love and sex. Hey I was called ugly, medusa all kinds of names by boys as a young girl and my girlfriends weren't exactly nice about my looks either. Many teen girls are total bitches and will undercut you to make themselves feel better! I truly did not believe I was attractive until I stopped hanging around mostly women, but that didn't stop me from dating and mating because love and sex was a priority for me, I had been masturbating since puberty hit, having sex was an intense urge for me, yes sometimes I slept with people I probably shouldn't have, but I don't regret those errors in judgement cause I was way horny and any experience to me, positive or negative is an opportunity for learning. So also, I needed someone that was just as horny as me and I found him and we've had an excellent sex life for 9 yrs and I'm pretty sure a virgin like that guy who was all there is more to life than sex, wouldn't match my drive. So I do think that's a concern for men who socially insist how important sex is for them. A woman who was willing to wait till she was 26 to have sex, probably won't have a problem denying him sex for years becuase she's already proved it's no skin of her nose to not have sex for years and I don't blame men for being wary of that.

As for your drunken virginity shedding, well I'm sorry that experience was bad for you and I was going on generalizations, I'm sure if you asked around almost everyone you know could recall the place and person's name they first had intimate relations with. There are always exceptions and all I was doing was trying to propose an alternate theory to the one going around that older virgins are ugly, fat, socially inept and why non-virgins may run for the hills at the others lack of carnal knowledge.