"In which case, the moral thing to do would be to give them assistance without demanding a quid pro quo. (Which I do. So saying I support no children is actually incorrect -- they may not be my children, and I may never have met them, but that doesn't mean I can't pay for their clean water and tuition fees.)"

Pleased to hear it, but supporting children whom you do not know simply isn't as rewarding as supporting children you do know. For one thing, when you send money to support children you do not know, you will always send what you can comfortably afford. When it involves children you know, you will always have to spend more than you can afford--which is good for your soul.

Everything in life has a quid pro quo. Almost no woman on earth will have sex with you without a quid pro quo of some kind, whether it be a ring on the finger or some lesser token of esteem.

"Now, if it were possible to find a woman who could guarantee that she went into prostitution as a freely-chosen career path, rather than pressured into it by financial need or out-and-out slavery? Then, yeah, I'd probably make an appointment, price be damned. But, while there's cruelty-free meat and fair-trade coffee, there's no analogous label for the sex trade."

Of course that would be possible and very easy too. I have no intention of posting links to such individuals here--that would be very improper, but one of my e-mail correspondents (whom I have never met face-to-face, or any other body part to body part) meets exactly that description and only last week won an award from her peers as Sex Worker of the Year in London, UK, thanks, I think, to her excellent blog and provisions that she makes for wheelchair access etc. for the handicapped. She would be able to show you her certificate and trophy, too.

Of course, you would probably argue that the award she won is not sanctioned by an accredited sex workers' organization in the state you live in, and use that as justification for keeping your pants hitched.

"Saying that I'm not an involuntary virgin because I could, say, fly to Bangkok and buy 30 minutes with a 12 year old Laotian kidnappee is like saying that a poor person is voluntarily poor if they refuse to deal drugs or commit armed robbery."

There you go again! I never suggested such a thing, and never would. For a start it would be illegal. Then it would be cruel, and finally it would be pathetic.

The reason why you are a virgin is that you have a great propensity for finding reasons not to have sex. You are probably extremely successful in whatever your profession is, tax lawyer or whatever, if you earn a living by finding loopholes, but as a lover you would probably suck--pardon the expression.

Bottom line is that I truly feel sorry for those virgins who are too anxious to take the plunge, not so much because sex itself is so good--though it is--but because by cutting yourself off from physical intimacy with other people, you are missing out on all the fun and sharing that comes with the whole package.

i'm a woman, having the best relationship i've had (and i've had a lot!) with a guy who was a 24-year-old virgin when we started dating three years ago. i can see why some men like virgins -- they're not forever comparing you to the other people they've been with.

the people who run away when you tell them you're a virgin reveal that they're not serious enough to be your first. and anyone who can't be gentle about it (to the point of making you feel good about yourself, not bad!) when you tell them why you haven't done this before isn't someone who should ever get laid.

I am so glad I did not grow up in this country. Being a virgin is not such a terrible thing. And there are many men around the world who would find it amazing and exciting to find someone to "deflower." Do not waste your time on people who would not want to be a teacher. People who enjoy teaching, and not just in the sexual arena, are often giving. You would not want to have sex with a selfish person. After all, upon entering a new relationship, you must teach and learn from your new partner to get everything right. I cannot believe there are people who are unwilling to do this. Sex is much better when you know what each other wants, whether it is the first time or the 100th time.

Also, where I'm from, we have actresses that at 60 are considered delicious. And the standard here is Nicole Richie who has the body of a 12 year old girl? Perhaps the virgins are also suffering from performance anxiety at not having perfect bodies. I'm so glad the men of my culture don't expect me get Brazilian bikini waxes and not eat!

Re: not thinking relationships are a priority, would you say that someone who waited until his/her 30s to get a phd doesn't value that phd, because if they did, they would have done it right away? That's a pretty specious argument. Does everyone have to do everything on some predetermined "schedule"? (first boyfriend in high school, sex in college, marriage in 20s?) Pretty freaking narrow outlook if you ask me. True, relationships were not a priority in my earlier life, because I didn't get any male attention, lacked confidence, etc., SO I focused on other things that were important to me. Then I got older and felt insecure about my lack of experience. And with good reason - guys clearly freak about anyone who hasn't had sex by the age of 20 these days.

And as for remembering your first forever and ever, um, the other day I almost forgot the last name of the guy I finally drunkenly slept with (at 26). He meant nothing to me, I barely knew him, I most certainly did not develop any feelings for him, the sex was lousy, case closed. I slept with him to get rid of my virgin stigma. In many ways I wish I could have not done that. I wish I could have waited to be with someone I really liked, in a relationship, etc., but I would probably still be a virgin in that case, at 30. I know several of the guys I've slept with since then would have turned tail if I told them I was a virgin. That's the catch-22. I would never have had the relationships I've had if I hadn't had drunken anonymous sex with someone I wasn't interested in. In fact, the one guy I can say I was truly in love with, I never slept with. Perhaps his refusal to sleep with me was part of what spurred the love...we always want what we can't have. By contrast, the guys I've slept with, I've become tired of, annoyed with, and everything else, once I get to know them. (obviously they weren't The One, but there's always going to be an adjustment period when the romantic haze wears off and you see your signifcant other as a flawed human).

So I can say I've lived both sides, and I didn't become a clingy freaky stalkery spazznut when I finally had sex at 26, any more than I would have at 19. (probably would have spazzed out a lot more at 19, given that I was less mature and more clueless about reality).