and it was lousy. My hymen was tough, and it took three different occasions to 'break' it. I also didn't have an orgasm until i was 19. By that time, i had slept with four different guys.

so to the virgins...the people who DO have sex many of them might not enjoy it all the time. Wives fake orgasms and do duty sex to please the the husband to keep the money supply around. Men have sex not b/c they want to have fun, but rather they want to brag to their buddies and /or have some wierd psychological need to poke somehting soft and wet lest their self esteem suffer.

Don't necessarily think you are missing out on something.

Needless to say, speak for yourself on everything you jsut said.

"I told him I needed him to slow down. He asked me if I was a virgin and I told him no, it’s just been a while and I just needed to go slower."

I could take a wild guess that the lie got in your way. I guess I don't understand the need to lie. I have slept with a couple of male virgins and a couple of women who'd never slept with another woman (penis-in-vagina sex is not the only form of virginity). I've never considered it a problem and have been pleased and flattered that they chose me.

For the men who don't want to sleep with female virgins, what is the problem?

I read this article with a combination of relief and horror. Relief- I'm no longer an old maid (or involuntary virgin, what a convoluted term!) Horror, a generation later, why is it still not ok to choose when, where, with whom, and under what circumstances without stigma?

In high school, I never dated, for many reasons. In college, I rarely dated. The culture of the college and high school I attended were so different- what had been assumed for young women (discretion, often leading to celibacy)was now considered a monumental failure and character defect.

Upon entering the working world, more frequent dating commenced. I continued to exercise good judgement, but after striking out with a man I'd fallen for and wanted to leave all discretion aside, became the feared "old maid". "Outings" and disapproval crushed my self image. I left jobs and cities hoping to start anew.

Rarely will I discuss my history, even though I've been in a commtted relationship for years. I've noticed that people in the same boat who are fine with their choices have the acceptance of family and friends. So my kids hear that it's ok to wait for marriage and love, it's ok to refrain from any sexual intimacy at all, including a boastful story. This letter is a challenge to fellow lefties, progressives, liberals, - respect the choices of those around you- if someone opts out of the tell-all converstations, they might be a 30 year old virgin, or not. It's none of your business. Just respect that there are many choices of how to live a life.

My tactic was to seek out a man who was confident in himself and would take charge in that department a little bit, so that I wouldn't have to worry about seducing him or what my performance would be like. If you're with someone with a dominant enough personality, you can relax and let him show you the way...and there are men out there like that who are still kind, gentle people.

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and if a male virgin, or a man in general, does not have those qualities of strength then he'll forever lay alone. A tale as old as time. Men are still judged sexually through their strength and confidence over everything else. We as a society redefined what it means to be attractively feminine, but masculinity is still stuck in the dark ages. Nice that so many women are enlightened

and if a male virgin, or a man in general, does not have those qualities of strength then he'll forever lay alone. A tale as old as time. Men are still judged sexually by woman through their strength and confidence over everything else. We as a society redefined what it means to be attractively feminine, but masculinity is still stuck in the dark ages. Nice that so many women are enlightened

There are just so many letters that I have not read them all, but here's my take on why people may find virgins over the age of 25 "weird".

I think what weirds people out about older virgins is that perhaps they think if you have not had a serious or semi-serious romantic relationship by the time you are 25, then it is something that is NOT important to you. Not that it isn't something wanted, just not something you felt important enough to learn to cultivate the skills necessary to date and mate. It means you never found it important enough to put on your list of goals like college, sports or travel you may have accomplished. There is nothing wrong with not making romance and love a priority, but many people don't want to deal with that. Most people when willing to venture into the dating world, already fear being cast off easily, imagine trying to date someone who doesn't see romance as a goal worthy of learning about and working on just like a PhD or Masters or planning a European vacation. Plus many men date and don't want to worry about the expectations of "where is this relationship going" that dating a vigin may automatically pop in their head. Plus when we hear that you wanted to wait, so that there was a connection or something special going on, it does make me wonder a little, if you wanted it to be special, why didn't you work on it?

It's like we've already been through spring training and now we're ready for the big league games that win rings and basically you don't want to waste your time on someone who either didn't view romantic relationships as a priority, was or is too shy/introverted to flirt to escalate attraction to a relationship and basically is entering spring training.

You feel unequal, that now instead of a relationship of equals, you may have to be a teacher! Plus there are the assumptions that a virgin will get very attached to the person she/he lost their virginity to, and really you can't answer that question until after you've had sex, so it's sort of a catch-22 and the devirginizer may just not want the responsibility with being a "first". Like the first person you have sex with will "always" remain in your memory and many people just don't want that responsibilty. Howard Stern actually had a little story like that, when he was 18 or 19 he was with a girl, admitted he was a virgin and she was all now way, I don't want you remembering me FOREVER! Did you think sex is something that just "happens" like puberty does? Anything worth having takes work, takes effort, and some people might see the lack of effort on the virgins part meaning that later on, you may totally give up sex because you weren't all that into it in the first place. There are already so many sterotypes floating around about how sex declines after marriage and kids(mine did not, so it's not universal, 2 or 3 times a week still! 10 yrs later!) that dating someone who didn't want or need sex badly enough to work on it, especially if religion is NOT involved, may not be the horse they want to place their bets on, ya know?