My high school clique were the smart, bookish girls - nerds if you will. We decided to eliminate our virginities after graduation because we were already feeling like laggards and freaks. We were 18 and 19. It was 1978. What is new? The west is beginning to actually talk about sex.

I think reading this article freaked me out more than I already was about being 30 and not having intercourse (oral sex yes, both giving and receiving). For a long time I decided I was more worried about reaching 30 without having a relationship (serious or not) than not having real sex. It's been 2 years since my last DATE and at least 5 years since I last kissed someone.

I've been seeing more and more that I'm not the only one out there but I'm not sure what it *means* to have peers. We're still a tiny minority and it doesn't decrease my own anxiety about being 30 and not having any boyfriends. Ironically I worked for a nationally-known sex advice person for a while and I actually do a lot of work on reproductive rights (giving an interesting twist to "those who can't do, teach."). I'm not freaked out about the concept of sex. I'm not frigid (just inexperienced). I decided a while ago I'm not going to have my first sex be with someone who isn't going to at least let me come back for seconds. I'm not going to have a "pity fuck" because I'd rather have no fuck at all.

Am I attractive? Well I'm fat. But I see fatter girls than me get laid all the time. It's not *just* about being fat. Ugliness isn't a reason why some people are virgins and others aren't. I like to think that it *is* the reason but ugly and fat people often lose their virginities before age 30. I wish I knew what we did have in common.

But it's weird. I walk around feeling like there's something "missing" in my personality and everyone can see that. Only a few of my very oldest friends still know about my virginal status, it's not something I admit to anymore, even to good friends. I'm sure I come off as weirdly adolescent to some people in regards to my relationship with the opposite sex but it's not an easy thing to "fake."

Still...I remember talking to other people and feeling like there's something "incomplete" about you isn't an uncommon feeling for a lot of people. Mine just happens to be a sexual issue but everyone's got something that makes them insecure which they feel others can sense.

the problem is that for every woman who uses this analogy to explain women's situation compared to men (who can eat anything avilable if need be, and often there is nothing) there is another woman (or 2 or 3) downplaying why sex matters at all (except under ideal conditions) and talking about how it doesn't matter much if conditions are less that ideal. You can't have it both ways. To top it off many women then claim that men and women are "really" the same.

She was 47 and I had burried her mother that day. I made my post funeral visit. She cried and I offered my shoulder and she got comfortable. So much so she became closer and we made slightly uncomfortable love. Yes it was her first time .

I often remember Virginia with great love and longing as we were lovers till I was transferred and moved away. I was 33. I am an old man still carrieing a torch for her .At last it is safe to tell about my greatest sex partner ever.

you are a virgin. The fact is that men don't really want a virgin. Archaic and stupid idea. Men prefer someone who knows their way around.

It is the stereotypes that kill us. It doesn't really matter what the subject- the sterotypes are what give us all the most problems. 1) Men who are virgins get "emotionally attached" just as easily as women do. They just rarely admit it or talk about it. 2) Sexuality varies a lot. The same person that has a deep committed relationship at one point in their life might be happier with a totally uncommitted relationship at another. I mean both male and female. Relationships are hard. We often minimize that. 3) Americans (most) are still totally twisted about sex. The very same ones that want everyone to stay a virgin are the ones that are obsessed with it in the media, and are fixating on what everyone else around them is doing.

What the men who do not want a virgin are saying is: I really don't want to be bothered with you, caring about you, teaching you, etc. I am here for me. That is fine, but the Virgin should then find someone else to date.

What the women who do not want a virgin are saying is: I want a powerful, experienced man to take control of my sex life. Many of them are the same ones that won't date a man without visible means of sucess. Also, fine for them, but the Virgin should find someone else to date.

There are decent, interested, sensitive people of both sexes just looking for the same things you are. The problem is our society; it keeps the pressure on while making it harder on everyone to date. The "not dating" dating is making it difficult on everyone. My children are in their teenage years and I have no idea how they will navigate all this.

The body fixation of Americans makes nealy everyone feel like they are imperfect or somehow bad. Just look at the celebrities and all their plastic surgery. In France you can stare at women without making them self concious. Try that here. Our media tell the boys/men to not accept anything less than perfect. Now they are starting on the women. And the AIDs issue. Thank God I was through most of my sexual maturity before it came along. They still did scare me enough to get tested. I can't imagine anyone carelessly "hooking up" at college nowadays and yet they seem to (according to our media).

Our whole society is sex obsessed. Why else would the media go on and on about the "sex" stories (Janet Jackson, Natalie Holloway, etc)? Why else would we even be talking about people degrading someone for being a virgin? Why would someone do that? ...It is a little more challenging to date virgins. For a while in my life I wondered why I always seemed to be everyone's "breaking in" girlfriend. I don't just mean sexually but relationship wise too. I was a serial monogamous woman that dated many virgins. But sexual maturity doesn't equal actual maturity. Many of the men I dated that were sexually active were the most immature.

To the virgins: dating is hard no matter what. Finding the right person is challenging. Living with the wrong person is harder yet. And to those who think they don't want to find someone: being alone in your old age will really stink.