and if a male virgin, or a man in general, does not have those qualities of strength then he'll forever lay alone. A tale as old as time. Men are still judged sexually by woman through their strength and confidence over everything else. We as a society redefined what it means to be attractively feminine, but masculinity is still stuck in the dark ages. Nice that so many women are enlightened

My tactic was to seek out a man who was confident in himself and would take charge in that department a little bit, so that I wouldn't have to worry about seducing him or what my performance would be like. If you're with someone with a dominant enough personality, you can relax and let him show you the way...and there are men out there like that who are still kind, gentle people.

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and if a male virgin, or a man in general, does not have those qualities of strength then he'll forever lay alone. A tale as old as time. Men are still judged sexually through their strength and confidence over everything else. We as a society redefined what it means to be attractively feminine, but masculinity is still stuck in the dark ages. Nice that so many women are enlightened

I read this article with a combination of relief and horror. Relief- I'm no longer an old maid (or involuntary virgin, what a convoluted term!) Horror, a generation later, why is it still not ok to choose when, where, with whom, and under what circumstances without stigma?

In high school, I never dated, for many reasons. In college, I rarely dated. The culture of the college and high school I attended were so different- what had been assumed for young women (discretion, often leading to celibacy)was now considered a monumental failure and character defect.

Upon entering the working world, more frequent dating commenced. I continued to exercise good judgement, but after striking out with a man I'd fallen for and wanted to leave all discretion aside, became the feared "old maid". "Outings" and disapproval crushed my self image. I left jobs and cities hoping to start anew.

Rarely will I discuss my history, even though I've been in a commtted relationship for years. I've noticed that people in the same boat who are fine with their choices have the acceptance of family and friends. So my kids hear that it's ok to wait for marriage and love, it's ok to refrain from any sexual intimacy at all, including a boastful story. This letter is a challenge to fellow lefties, progressives, liberals, - respect the choices of those around you- if someone opts out of the tell-all converstations, they might be a 30 year old virgin, or not. It's none of your business. Just respect that there are many choices of how to live a life.

"I told him I needed him to slow down. He asked me if I was a virgin and I told him no, it’s just been a while and I just needed to go slower."

I could take a wild guess that the lie got in your way. I guess I don't understand the need to lie. I have slept with a couple of male virgins and a couple of women who'd never slept with another woman (penis-in-vagina sex is not the only form of virginity). I've never considered it a problem and have been pleased and flattered that they chose me.

For the men who don't want to sleep with female virgins, what is the problem?

Needless to say, speak for yourself on everything you jsut said.

and it was lousy. My hymen was tough, and it took three different occasions to 'break' it. I also didn't have an orgasm until i was 19. By that time, i had slept with four different guys.

so to the virgins...the people who DO have sex many of them might not enjoy it all the time. Wives fake orgasms and do duty sex to please the the husband to keep the money supply around. Men have sex not b/c they want to have fun, but rather they want to brag to their buddies and /or have some wierd psychological need to poke somehting soft and wet lest their self esteem suffer.

Don't necessarily think you are missing out on something.

Where are the middling people? The people who understand that sex is always best when it is NOT complicated, when two people can relax in a trusting relationship (even if it only lasts four hours), loosen their inhibitions (and that means both the mundane and the funky) and just enjoy pleasuring one another?? Why do people have to dump so much toxic shit on this erotic revery that is such a unique gift to the human race?

I suspect that most if not all of the ladies posting here about not wanting "meaningless sex" don't understand that making love - whether the emotion is present or not - is about physically adoring a person, caressing them, talking to them, asking them what feels good and what doesn't. I also firmly believe that these same women would change their minds very quickly if they were to lay with a man who took the time and care to tease them to repeated, potent orgasms. Yes, I think their worry about meaninglessness would go right out the window.

When I was in college I seduced a wall flower. She was pretty, with a gorgeous body, but she didn't believe it. She was also a grad student in her mid-twenties whose opinion was not going to be changed without lots of therapy. In her case neither her mother nor her father were even remotely physically demonstrative. She knew this was the problem, but couldn't just let herself feel what I was trying to help her feel. I learned a lot from her, most of it negative but one positive.

At a certain point in every relationship sex becomes the most natural thing in the world. When that happens varies, and when it happens for each partner also varies. But once both are in synch it is unnatural and unhealthy not to act. And if one partner - male or female - unnaturally witholds sex they are frigid, controlling or cruel, or some combination of the three. For this reason I'm afraid I can have little or no compassion for the "involuntary virgins" who happen to be female. Brightstar65 put it crudely, but it is true of every Western culture that the man must ask, and await the woman's reply. This means that women are asked, if they are attractive (in all the ways women can be attractive). And if a woman consistently says no, or says yes but withholds, then she has only herself to blame for her isolation.