...and no one gives a fuck, flying or otherwise.

She's still the problem, not the solution. Jeez, you gotta suck if even Salon.com fires you.

I'm a 24-year-old male virgin, and I'm always irritated by people who act shocked when you tell them you never had sex in high school or college. We're not all blessed with the courage or ability to flirt with the opposite sex, let alone actually convince a person to have sex with us. I'm not a bad-looking guy (you'll have to trust me on this), but I've rarely been invited to parties or had other occassions to "pick up" women. I've just always been too shy. It's frustrating that it seems to come so easily to most people, but I've always been clueless, and I don't know why. I guess my point in saying all this is that I want to let all my fellow involuntary virgins know they're not alone, and they shouldn't feel bad about themselves just because other people like to gloat about having had sex before they were old enough to vote.

Remember how one woman let her friend sleep with her husband so she could get pregnant?

How 'bout something similar? Find a friend and have a nice special time, but just get that awkward first time over so you can go out and enjoy life without that stress factor affecting dates.

'cause it snowballs, stress about it affecting the likelihood that things will work out on the next date, etc.

Why don't y'all just start a website called "involuntary virgins.com" or something, slap some profiles up, and connect online? That way the playing field would be a little more even. Sure, it might be a bit more fumbling if neither person is too experienced, but it would take some off the pressure off. At least, it would make tearful confessions and explanations unnecessary. I had sex for the first time in high school with my boyfriend who was also a virgin at the time. The sex kind of sucked for a while, but we took out some books from the library (this is before the internet really took off, so I'm dating myself), and we figured it out together. It was fun and sweet in a way to learn with someone who also wasn't experienced. Meeting online might sound a bit scary for first-timers, but it can't be worse than looking in bars, screening friends of friends, or dealing with A-holes who run at the mention of virginity. And, if all the involuntary virgins who've weighed in are as normal, smart and attractive as described, then everyone would have a number of partners to choose from.

Anyways, just a thought.

Oh, informed Salon readers (and writers) - why do we persist with the phrase "losing one's virginity?"

I am not suggesting that the phrase be dropped from our lexicon. Surely there are some cases in which it applies. Such as: "Oh, I went to this party last night and I know I had my keys and my virginity when I left, but this morning I realized that I lost both of them!"

It seems to me that most people "end" their virginity, "shed" their virginity, or "cast their virginity aside with the same intensity with which a bronco bucks its rider."

It is time to treat this important life event with better diction!

heterocentric article from Salon. Does it even occur to you to provide more depth in an article by adding a gay/lesbian perspective? You could have easily cut several blathering socio-babble paragraphs and explored whether this is an issue in the gay/lesbian community and if so, how. Virgins are virgins, regardless of gender and sexual orientation. (And, no, I'm not one...just an old newsie who wants you folks to do better!)

Amen.

The *only* lying one should possibly consider in order to get laid is lying down.

Virginity is not something to preserve *or* get rid of, in and of itself. It's about the emotional tenor of the experience, whether it happens when you're 15 or 42 -- and whether you're having sex the first time or the ten thousandth, for that matter. It has to be right for you. Don't let other people dictate your life choices.

There's *nothing* wrong with wanting sex to be about affection, trust, tenderness and caring.

Guys/girls who run away because they fear that someone they have sex with might become emotionally invested in them have intimacy issues.

Anonymous, you replied as follows:

"Le Tigre, speaking as an involuntary male virgin (and a lot older than 30), the reason I don't take the "option" of flying to the Third World and paying someone is because, whether or not it's legal, the exploitation of women is widespread in the prostitution business and it's morally wrong for me to support it."

"Flying to Tijuana as an option for involuntary male virgins is just about as practical as the men who tell involuntary female virgins to just hook up with an anonymous man on vacation. It'd work, I suppose, but it doesn't respect legitimate concerns that may weigh even heavier than the burden of involuntary virginhood."

Look, most of these girls in countries with developing economies are available to you for money because they have babies to feed and their countries don't have welfare systems, free health care, or jobs that pay enough to live on.

Last week here in the Dominican Republic, there was quite a surge in activity because it was back-to-school week and girls were out in numbers trying to hook up with tourists so as to be able to buy pencils, notebooks, and pay "collegio" fees to send their kids to Catholic schools that are a bit better than the regular schools.

I could easily argue that by witholding your custom, you are hindering these poor women and children from bettering themselves, while you presumably live in comfort, supporting no children (obviously).

You see, you can argue anything on moral grounds if you want to, and you can argue it from any side.

I know any number of beautful, loving, competent women here who would be only too willing to have sex with you, be your steady girlfriend, or even marry you and have your kids. All they would need from you is some financial support.

Now, obviously you are perfectly entitled to your scruples and beliefs, and I would not at all urge you to go against your conscience in any way. But you are simply saying that losing your virginity is not your highest priority. That is fine too. You are entitled to pursue those things in life that matter to you and which make life worth living. But don't tell the world that you are an involuntary virgin. You are a virgin because messy things like having a relationship with a woman, family, children would disrupt your tidy life.