I’ll never forget the conversation I had with the guy who took my virginity. He wanted to know if I was a virgin. I really, really wanted him…so I lied and said no. He said he was relieved, and that if I was a virgin, he wouldn’t have had sex with me.

I was eighteen.

EIGHTEEN!

So I can just imagine how it would be if you had to endure this as you were older. And just imagine being a virgin and coming across this again and again…starting when you’re eighteen.

We proceeded to have sex, which I remember as being pretty good; afterwards, he said he was amazed at my lack of inhibition (I initiated going down on him). Later, he fell in love with me, and I dumped him, which is the opposite of what men are “afraid” will happen if they initiate a virgin – that she’ll fixate on him and tie him down.

Anyhow, I’ve always felt kind of weird about lying to him – he was a good guy, and I was also denied the chance to exult in having sex for the first time, to be really happy about it with him. I've gone on to have

an extended career as a kinky gal, and one of my favorite

fantasies to enact is "eager young virgin."

I hear two patterns of behavior/belief among the virgins posting here: those who fiercely defend themselves as well-adjusted adults making sound decisions about their sexual needs and opportunities, and those who have battled shyness, social discomfort, self-image and lack of skills/experience.

For the former, my thoughts aren't about you. For the latter, our culture could help heal if there were therapists who did work with their patients teaching intimacy skills, social and physical. One-on-one role playing with the goal of obtaining comfort initiating and escalating relationships might do some a world of good. Such “hands on” therapeutic role playing could include everything from when to initiate handholding or a kiss, up to full sex therapy. Sex therapy is too narrow a term: intimacy therapy might more accurately describe the range of personal issues and social situations addressed.

Sadly, such a therapist would probably be defined as a sex worker, and be subject to prosecution for prostitution. And no, a prostitute isn’t the same thing as a trained therapist. Prostitutes serving both genders specialize in sexual release, the objective of intimacy therapy would be confidence building and skills development.

Traditional talk therapy, by contrast, nearly always looks for a "unified field" theory about the deep-seated trauma that ails you. Years of counseling prompting self-doubt seem likely.

By contrast, relatively short-term intimacy therapy—a few sessions to give positive experiences for confidence and comfort—could give someone freedom of choice that doesn't seem to be currently available to them.

I have never had sex with a virgin. Would it really be that bad to teach someone the "ins and outs" of sex?

There is also a great chance that the person doesn't have any diseases.

Who cares if soemone is a virgin if they are someone you can honestly love.

I mean, i'm thoroughly confused.

Honestly, LeCastor? Maybe you'll just have to resign yourself to being confused. You keep asking for justifications and explanations that other people aren't required to give. Being curious is one thing, but you seem to have almost an unhealthy obsession with having other people explain their choices. I have nothing but respect for the people who are sharing their stories here, and I find this grilling a bit unseemly. Let people make their own sexual choices without being treated like some kind of sideshow exhibit or psychological test case.

I want to know that she enjoys it as much as I do. To do that, she has to know her own body, know what she likes and be able to express it. In other words, she needs some experience.

And here's where I get confused. :)

First of all, who says that virgins don't know their own bodies? There are plenty of virgins out there who masturbate, after all. They know what turns them on and what makes them feel good. They've had orgasms. They know sexual feelings. They just haven't shared those feelings with someone else in a certain specific act.

Also, it's not like people don't grow and learn. No matter what age you are when you first have sex, chances are you'll know more the second time, and the third time, and so on. While a virgin may start off with a late start, as it were, it's not like they'll never catch up.

If people don't want to sleep with virgins, that's fine by me. Everyone deserves someone who really wants them. But unless all you're looking for is a one night stand, it seems short-sighted to assume that a recent ex-virgin won't be as enthusiastic and aroused as someone with a decade of experience.

No, actually if someone waited to get their PhD I would assume it was not a top priorty for them, because it takes a long time to achieve, otherwise they would have worked on it as soon as they could, they decided that it wasn't first on the task list. Not that they don't value their PhD, but that it wasn't top of the list so they probably wouldnt' mind if they didn't achieve it. I guess I should have been clear, priority does not equal value. You can value sex but it can also not be a priority for that person. Hence the people that wait because they want it to be special, but didn't really put any effort into it so they wait a lot longer than others because it has value, but it's not a priority.

Geesh, don't get all offended!

And yes there kind of is a schedule, it's called fertility and being concerned with the possible health risks births entail the older the woman is. Finding the right person takes years, decades sometimes so I do think waiting till your late 20's to enter the game means that a family and children aren't a priority, meaning you could live a happy life without them but it doesn't mean you don't want them.

You even agree later and say it was true for you, you focused on other things because you put your fears and insecurities over love and sex. Hey I was called ugly, medusa all kinds of names by boys as a young girl and my girlfriends weren't exactly nice about my looks either. Many teen girls are total bitches and will undercut you to make themselves feel better! I truly did not believe I was attractive until I stopped hanging around mostly women, but that didn't stop me from dating and mating because love and sex was a priority for me, I had been masturbating since puberty hit, having sex was an intense urge for me, yes sometimes I slept with people I probably shouldn't have, but I don't regret those errors in judgement cause I was way horny and any experience to me, positive or negative is an opportunity for learning. So also, I needed someone that was just as horny as me and I found him and we've had an excellent sex life for 9 yrs and I'm pretty sure a virgin like that guy who was all there is more to life than sex, wouldn't match my drive. So I do think that's a concern for men who socially insist how important sex is for them. A woman who was willing to wait till she was 26 to have sex, probably won't have a problem denying him sex for years becuase she's already proved it's no skin of her nose to not have sex for years and I don't blame men for being wary of that.

As for your drunken virginity shedding, well I'm sorry that experience was bad for you and I was going on generalizations, I'm sure if you asked around almost everyone you know could recall the place and person's name they first had intimate relations with. There are always exceptions and all I was doing was trying to propose an alternate theory to the one going around that older virgins are ugly, fat, socially inept and why non-virgins may run for the hills at the others lack of carnal knowledge.