I'm a 28 year old virgin with a surprisingly similar story to another poster. I was not allowed to date until I was 16, but went to a tiny high school, so by the time I was 16 we all had our assigned roles and had known each other forever, so no action there. I went to a women's college because it was a great school and I got a fabulous education for free, not because I was trying to avoid men. In fact, my college was closely allied with coed schools and I regularly had classes with men, had guy friends, worked with men, etc. I dated occasionally, but found that my inexperience was very intimidating for me and I was so uncomfortable that I didn't really pursue it very much. I moved to the big city and then abroad with a great job and had a busy social life, but still couldn't quite get it together because I was so worried about being old and shriveled up and still a virgin. Went back to law school and have been single since despite some promising beginnings.

I absolutely acknowledge that as a teenager and in my early twenties I was more hung up on my ancient virginity than anyone else was. My nervousness and embarassment certainly got in my way - I was terrified that someone would find out and everyone would know that something was wrong with me. I assumed everyone else was having sex and knew exactly what they were doing so I was a big freak. As I got older (and spent a ton of money on therapy), I became more comfortable with the situation and with myself. However, that it not to say that I became complacent; merely that I personally have less anxiety about it and have no problem telling a potential partner up front that I'm a beginner. I'm interested in sex, have normal physical reactions, enjoy masturbating, making out, etc. I want to get laid! I have defintely experienced the extreme reactions that the women in the article described and to a certain degree I understand and empathize with them. At the same time, this leaves me in a hard place. It's not the physical act of losing my virginity that I would like to achieve. I want to be in a relationship with someone who enjoys me and my body and I want to enjoy him in the same way. I'm not saying I want to marry him or stalk him, but I also don't want to just hook up. That doesn't get me anywhere.

The perception of older virgins as somehow damaged seems to be the biggest stumbling block right now. How do I get someone to truly understand that I know some of what's running through his mind and I know it scares the hell out of him but that this is not the end of the world? It's a work in progess and in the meantime it's pretty damn lonely.

If you want to know why I am an involuntary virgin, you should be reading articles focusing on the shrinking middle class, generation debt, etc.

I simply don't have the money/time/energy to make myself into the kind of man that women find attractive (at least not the kind of women I seem to like).

I make just over $30k a year. In the city I live in that lets me share a two bedroom apartment with a roommate and use public transportation to get to and from work. Most of my money goes to rent, student loans, 401(k) and food, in that order.

With the money that's left I can usually buy some nice but unfashionable clothes and have $50 in my pocket if I go out for an evening.

Usually meeting women when I go out is not a problem, but starting a relationship is. Not owning a car seems to be the nail in the coffin. If you can't meet a girl out here one day, then there the next day, they lose interest pretty quick.

I wish I made another five or ten thousand a year. Then I could have a car, some nice clothes, and more money to do more activities, that kind of thing.

I want to be in a relationship when I have sex for the first time, but I just can't afford to be in a relationship

LauraBB--

"If you're worried about it though ask a doctor to break your hymen for you. "

Why, are doctors' dicks extra-special, made of gold, or something?

>...that a lot of girls DO end up with out-of-control, overly romantic crushes on their first partner. Of course, others "just get it over with" or bury their crushes in pretend feelings of being too cool. Some, as observers often point out, dub themselves "sluts" and skip the idea of monogamy and romance altogether. Obviously, most of these feelings are at least a little bit uncomfortable, off-putting and psychologically dangerous for both partners.<

Do you have any real proof of this--or is this more anecdotal crap like "having sex before the big game messes up your game." What you are saying is, no matter how a newly-unvirginized girl feels--whether she falls for you, or doesn't, or becomes "slutty," men are still going to regard her as crazy and out-of-control. So she's basically in a no-win situation because guys like you are uncomfortable with women no matter how the latter react. Thanks. That clears that up nicely.

>Not to be wonky, but biologically, women are PROGRAMMED to look for reliable and trustworthy partners,<

Prove it. Yelling it in caps is not evidence, just a lot of talking loud.

>Meanwhile, a woman with a sexual history would have a better idea how to separate the wheat (keepers) from the chaff (one-night stands or shorter relationships) than virgins. Men fear they would put automatically placed in the keeper category.<

Guy, you and men like you sound so distrustful of women that even if a virgin signed a pledge she wouldn't see you as a keeper, you'd be looking to see if she used invisible ink. You just can't get over that belief that women are weird emotional creatures that can't be understood and who fundamentally want husbands no matter what. It's a shame you all don't wear signs professing your belief in this nonsense--it would save most women a lot of time.