I meant to ne constructive in my post. Yeah, it wasn't advice I'd give to a friend because it was too blunt, but I figure on amessage board, bluntness can sometimes be welcome since you may never hear that kind of advice in real life. Also, I'm a woman - married with two children.

I'm saddened by this article, but I'm equally appalled by some of the cruel, judgemental, and snide remarks on this board. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but why do some people feel the need to make degrading attacks? To quote a phrase, "Have you no sense of decency?"

Sure you can have an adult relationship without having sex. My parents had an adult relationship with no sex for three years before they married.

I think they got the hang of it. They've been married 40 years.

Deering,

I have to disagree. I think statistics show that by the end of high school, something like 52% of people have lost their virginity (average age is 17), but whatever, i'm just talking about a first kiss here. What is it going to mean to someone when they're 12 or 14, playing?

I really don't understand why even a first kiss must "mean something"! Imagine if people got this worked up about other things, like the first time you drive a car (which, very much like sex, might not be a very enjoyable experience), the first time you hold hands with someone, the first time you ask a girl out, does it all have to "mean something"? And this is why i'm saying that putting so much weight on this life event makes it so much harder for people to actually go through with it, because in our society, it's still considered something special, especially for women, something that must "mean something." And if you think about it, it's probably not going to be the first time you have an orgasm (which, arguably is much more meaningful), not going to be the first time you are intimate with someone, not the first time, eif you're a woman, that you will have something inside you, etc. It's just a made-up event, and people need to get over it as being something "special." that is just a vestige of religiosity and puritanism and traditional sexual mores -- that sexual or sexually-related events must be something special. We don't have this requirement for pretty much anything else.

>You don't have to be Miss Popularity to have a first kiss by the start of college, please.<

Your experience isn't everyone's experience, LeCastor. And the social setup at the high school you attended is _not_ the same everywhere. And, again, not everyone wants to have a first kiss just to have a first kiss--for some people that means something. Or it's something they'd rather do without the whole school finding out and ragging on them about it.

>The longer you wait...

...the more important and weighty it becomes, the more you want it to be absolutely perfect and wonderful, and consequently, the more difficult it becomes to actually do it.<

Who is this "you" you're referring to? I have yet to see any posters on here who think losing their virginity should be the ultimate experience-of-life. (All would be happy if they 1) had a good time; 2) found a nice, decent partner who turns them on. g!) Look, LeCastor, I know this is hard for you to understand, but it's the truth: not everyone thinks that finding love/sex is the highest priority in life. Not everyone can do so because of any number of good reasons--economic, timing, emotional issues, whatever. And why should they _have_ to? For you to insist that normalcy means you have to have had relationships from teen-hood on up is as restrictive and conformist as the 50's standard that a girl who didn't wait till marriage was a slut. Ah, well, you're young, kid. Get some more experience and years and tolerance on ya, and you'll understand...:)

>In an adult, its either immaturity, or its a form of snobbery. People who are shy usually listen, watch, and have opinions on what other people do. They listen to other people say dumb stuff or behave foolishly, and they don't want to say dumb stuff or be a fool, so they keep quiet and hope not to be noticed.<

Boy, that's a lot of assumptions-without-evidence. How do you know what every single shy person's motivations are? And why is it so wrong to not want to look like a fool--especially if you have dealt your whole life with people who give you constant grief just because you are different. Has it occurred to you that shyness may be a protective manuever some people need--or have learned to need. Or maybe they prefer to watch, listen, and think about things before weighing in. Why--because that's their personality. In any case, you are taking shyness as a slam againist you instead of seeing it as that particular person's personality trait. Try and understand--their shyness is _not_ about you, or a reflection of what you are about.

In high school I was blessed to a have good friend who was two years older than me, a compulsive talker, and extremely sexually experienced. I was SHOCKED the day she told me she'd finally had an orgasm, because I knew she'd lost her virginity almost four years earlier. Asking around, I found out this was pretty universal: a lot of girls waited out a few years of frequent sex before finally having an orgasm during sex, because when they started, they didn't know how to masturbate yet and weren't comfortable enough to do anything but lie there. Sounds appealing, right? I know some women who lost their virginity even older than I did, but all of them chalk it up to culture/fat phase/something external. I chose to be an old virgin, and I'm quite glad about it; I'm the only woman I know who got off the first time. Older virgins, the next time someone treats you like a freak or boasts about their high school hijinks, ask them how long after they first had sex they had their first orgasm. They'll probably change the subject.