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So, you're 17 years old, and ready, and in a great relationship, and you have sex. And it's – whatever, it's teenage sex.
And then you tearfully break up with that somebody once you get to college. You're introduced to the "dating" culture, which primarily involves silly hookups and the occasional dinner-and-a-kegger. These don't really get you in the mood - maybe it's the guy, maybe it's the ubiquitous patchouli stink, maybe it's the jam band shit on the stereo. So you make out. You fool around. You don't have Official Capital S Sex.
After college, the random encounters are less frequent. You still don't meet anyone who simultaneously makes you laugh and turns you on. By the time you do meet one of those guys, it's been six years since you've had sex. But it's like riding a bike, right? So no big deal.
Now, just subtract the having sex part of that teenage relationship, and you've probably got the picture for a number of 20- or 30-something virgins. Not freaks, not psychos. Just not interested in the people they've met so far, and not willing to have sex when they don't feel like it. Choosing when, where and with whom to have sex is empowering. It's a right we've fought for, and it's pointless and hurtful to namecall each other for making a different decision.
