Letters to the Editor
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Unhappily Ever After
I have not read the Forbes article yet the tone does indeed sound anachronistic. Yet I think Rebecca Traister glosses over some obvious things. In my circle of friends, both men and women, infidelity is the norm. Or rather people are discovering in droves that monogamy is a practically impossible ideal. Some men and women are honest about this and some are not. Sounds as though the author of the Forbes article is blaming infidelity on successful women when really its just human nature. Perhaps he's a jilted lover. I'm 42, educated, professional, a single man who has known several long term relationships. I've been single for a year now and am truly happy. I'm dating a woman in her mid 30's and two women in their mid 20's. The older woman is wonderful because she is successful and has great kids. We have great conversations. They younger girls are fascinating for how honest and savvy they are. Much more honest about domesticity and sex. I know a lot of younger women who admit that it's the men in their lives that do most of the cooking and cleaning. I know a lot of men who make the most money, keep the house clean, and do most of the cooking. Again, I point this out becuase I believe Ms. Traister attempted to skew some important issues. My point is that it is mostly 50-50. Each gender can claim these things. Address the fact that infidelity is real and for many it causes real pain and confusion. I mentioned how savvy these younger 20 somethings are. Last night over dinner a 26 year old shared an insight. She believes every young woman needs two men. One who will support her and basically be a mate and one that will flirt with her and make her feel good. She freely owned up to needing a man to deal with her moods, etc., and also admitted that one result of being needy in this way was that she noticed it made him less flirty and romantic. She also sagely noted it is easy for a man who does not have to support a woman or live with her to be flirty all the time. I find these attitudes refreshing because I've lived all of the scenarios above, suffered, learned, made mistakes,. I had a very needy significant other who stepped out on the relationship and when I aksed why she unfairly and unconsciously said I was unavailable. I put her through school, paid for her wrecked cars, dealt with her abrupt job changes all for years. Of course she pushed me to the brink but I never stopped supporting her and I never cheated. I was the steady hand. Had she been honest with herself about why she stepped out and what I'd provided we'd still be together. A few years later she sent me an email owning up to all of it. I smiled and felt happy for both of us. For me perspective is everything.
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Don Mallonee
What possessed you to NOT dump the bitch earlier, rather it seemed you enjoyed being a cuckhold. What was the problem in merely dumping her and moving on. Women are supposed to be adults as well and accountable, liable and responsible for their actions and choices, not you.
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Career Women Are Hot
The guy who wrote that piece must be really old. Talking about being disappointed by a spouse who doesn't look after his health...sheesh. The most important thing about a wife is, you have to want to make out with her.
I love "career women", the way their breasts move as they stride around purposefully in heels and nice blouses, the way they can talk business on the phone while smiling in a friendly way as they order their fancy coffee. I love the way they bitch or sigh ruefully about their workload but still manage to wrap it all up because it's their turn to pick up the kid. Career women are just so fucking competent.
I love it when anyone says something really sharp and useful in a meeting, but when it's a woman that does it, that's kind of hot. Well-dressed, good-natured, sharp-witted, people-savvy, take-care-of-business women are dead sexy.
Somebody you respect as a serious peer in the business world (or the arts, professions, sciences etc), that's who you want slipping into bed with you once the kids are down. If doing the dishes is the price, I can live with that.
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The Corporate Wife
I knew a few "corporate wives" that were friends of my mothers. They certainly weren't dumb - they considered it their "job" to enhance their husband's career, and they worked hard at it. There weren't a lot of career options for women at the time they were growing up, and so smart, savvy women of that time might have made the choice to be "corporate wives" rather than having careers of their own.
This division of labor worked out well unless the marriage ended for some reason. Working to enhance your husband's career doesn't get very far in a divorce settlement, or at a job interview when you're trying to get your first job in 40 years. (I think divorce courts now take this into account to some extent, but they didn't back then.) The Forbes article talks about the "benefits" for a man of having a "non-career wife" but it doesn't mention the risks for the wife, if she forgoes a career of her own. She'd better have a very good pre-nup. It's no wonder that most women today don't want to risk it.
q
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Tell Forbes
I went to Forbes' site and read the articles. Forbes has not posted any comments, which is odd, seeing that they've tried to pass the articles as a "debate." Anyway, there is a link for sending comments to the Editor, which I invite EVERYONE to do!
Here's my comment, btw:
"Forbes, I feel very sorry for you. I'm sorry that you actually pay Michael Noer for this kind of drivel. His assertions are about as fresh as a piece of meatloaf that's been sitting since the 1950s. That's around the time that women refused to be force-fed this anti-career rhetoric. And guess what? We're still not eating it now.
I also feel sorry for anyone who consults a sociology journal for advice on seeking a mate. Even educated men and women know the best indicator of a fulfilling match--the heart.
Oh, Forbes, I feel sorry for you. Very, very sorry for you."