I believe that the majority of people use the term 'friend' too loosely, mistaking as friends those who are actually acquaintances.

People suck, they really do. If it wasn't for what they could do for me i wouldn't know any at all.

As a true loner, and someone who turns down friend requests (IRL)/phone numbers/invites merely because I find social interaction to be somewhat taxing and annoying, I appreciate this article. Not all loners are thus because of social incompotence.. and yet having to explain that one prefers one's own company to that of others just rings of pretension. It's as if by withholding the potentiality of friendship, you are viewed with annoyance because of your reserve or fascination due to your mystique. It's hard for some people to imagine that attractive, intelligent, and well-rounded individuals can function and in fact thrive virtually alone--either criticism or a desire to be the one to crack the code, those seem to be the most frequent reactions.

And yet, even as a loner, brief contact with family and the vastly occasional night out seem integral to continued function.. without the connectivity and horizons enabled by the web, I wonder if I would still prefer my own company most of the time. Virtual interactions can at times prove as exhausting as F2F, and are capable of eliciting equivocal reactions.

Fascinating stuff~it would be nice to see more on technology and the ways in which it's altered the manners and frequencies by which we interact..

After over two decades of a "Looking Out for #1" culture combined with a focus on networking and therapy in place of friendships, it should come as no surprise that we have fewer people we consider friends. When the focus is on what the other person can do for you instead of deeper shared values, you won't make the effort necessary to maintain a relationship. In addition, shallow connections mistaken for deeper, lasting ones guarantee disappointment, betrayals and abuse of trust.

Some friendships ebb and flow like a tide, others flow strongly for awhile and then die out from a drought of communication and some grow unexpectantly from hidden springs of caring. But the friendships are worth the effort to cultivate, quenching an inherent desire for real connection. What we used to call roots.

My friends are not in my immediate area these days. After up to 25 years of friendship, we've moved and changed, grown closer or farther apart from time to time, but we stay in touch via the Internet and occasionally the phone. We share our life changes -- of fortunes, of enthusiasms, of views, of hopes and of dreams. Should one of my friends need me for any reason, they know I'm there for them. And they are there for me.

As a species we can't survive alone against fang and claw, especially when the fang and claw may belong to our neighbor.

Ruby you need to get out more, you really do.

I'll agree that hell is other people. I'm happy most of the time with my own company, and I think quality is much more important than quantity when it comes to friendship. But life without any human contact can be pretty cold, even for a loner like me. I think it's getting harder and harder to find friends, especially if you don't have a spouse or close family, especially when combined with the relocations that seem to be mandatory in so many job fields. Contact on the internet is great, but not the same.

I'm in my late 30's and not married. But most of the people that I meet are married with kids, and their lives seem to revolve around nothing but kid-related activities. I know life is more hectic now, and I think it's great that parents are involved with their children, but I remember my parents being involved in activities and community groups with other adults, not just soccer games and PTA meetings. Those things seemed to enrich their lives, and they still managed to be good parents. I've found those kinds of community activities harder to find now, especially if you're not into God or sports. I join clubs and take classes and do all those things you're "supposed" to do, and I mostly meet retired people.

Lifelong loner here, almost 50, and I have more friends than I ever did in my life...and much, much happier that way. Despite the fact I don't have time to read all the blogs, books, etc. I want, or my beloved hobbies. I know if I'm lucky enough to live much longer, friends will vastly increase my happiness.

What did it take to finally get the hang of making friends, at this advanced age? Getting over certain tendencies toward perfectionism. Every time I get pissed at my friends, I remind myself what life was like before I made the effort to get out and make friends.

Basically I can't afford to be pissed at my friends over frivolous things that I see younger people get pissed at their friends about. Hell is not other people. Other people can be annoying and then turn around and teach you things. Old people with no friends get all "crotchety." Yuck, I hate that word. Would hate even more, to BE it.

Most Salon readers aren't probably my age, but for any who are, I say get out and start making friends as you get older. It can be easier now that sexual competition is less a part of the dynamic and everyone's more over themselves. Get over yourself and get out there because you (people my age) NEED friends (I say that based on how much happier I am with friends, even though they sometimes annoy me!)

I'm 21, and I have no confidants. My parents and my boss are the only numbers in my cell phone. I don't go to parties; I don't go to bars; I've never even been asked out.

Most of the time it's OK. I'm an introvert. My favorite things to do are read and write. I like going to the movies and out to dinner by myself. I have no committments, except to my family, my schoolwork, and my job. If I wanted to move to Bali tomorrow, I could do it. And being alone... I know myself. I'm stable. I'm not afraid of anything. I have time to think about things. I have hobbies and skills. I'm learning Arabic and Bahasa Indonesia; I knit; I kayak; I climb around in caves. I value the few social connections I have and work hard to maintain them. I have good grades and I'm involved with a lot of projects and organizations. I'm not saying I'm better than anybody else; I'm saying I'm happy and looking forward to a good future. Most of the time.

Sometimes it's terrible. I'm going on 4 or 5 years of no friends at all. It's not something people are built for. If I have a bad day I just have to suck it up. I miss people. I get anxious. And because I have nobody to talk to it's like a damn pressure cooker. I mean, there's gotta be something wrong with me, right? I like people fine. I like to talk. I'm pretty smart. I make an effort to be funny and loyal and to protect the people I care about. I'm not crazy or needy, and I don't have three eyes or anything. So what gives? What the hell is wrong with me? Yeah. Imagine that song stuck in your head, every day for your entire life. It blows.

But then, this world is full of shallow connections, especially when you're young. I could go on Facebook and have 30 "friends" in as many days. I could go to bars and find a group of people to get drunk with, and then when I graduate I can celebrate with a bunch of people I know who like to get drunk. Woo-hoo. My thing is, I don't want to know a lot of people. I want friends. Real friends. And they're hard to find. I'd rather be alone than with people I don't know or don't like.

So I'm alone. I'm not sure it's better. I'm worried that we live in a country where everybody's so terrified of each other that we never make real connections. I'm worried when people value faceless, largely emotionless Internet "relationships" the same as real, face-to-face, intimate relationships. I'm worried about myself. My roommate could disappear and it would take me at least a week to even notice.

I'm worried that in being alone, I'm not alone.

But what is there? Therapy? It seems to me to be as isolationist and self-celebrating as anything else--watch as I pay somebody phenomenal amounts of money to listen to the grievances a close friend would listen to for free. Volunteerism? I already do it. Red Cross and Habitat. Prayer? Sure, every little bit helps, but I prefer friends who can talk back. Just try harder? Shall I wear more lipstick or something? I'm not sure I want to get more emotionally invested in something that doesn't seem to work.

Is it better, really? Is it more intimate? I can read the newspaper in Arabic (ok, the headlines); I get straight As; I'm good at my job; I have personal freedom and lots of opportunity for introspection; I help build houses for people in poverty. Is this equivalent or better than, say, being able to make a lover laugh, taking my roomie out to dinner, or visiting a sick friend at the hospital?

I don't know. I really don't.