If I were crafty and liked shouting from atop a soap box, I would create the website www.carytennisblows.com . I'm lazy though, so I won't do it. But somebody, PLEASE, register the domain name. The site can serve as a sanctuary for Cary Tennis haters (i.e. everyone who is literate). We have to stop this horrible person from writing anything else or else we may be forced to boycott Salon.

Really, if Mr. Bravehart wanted to cover himself in drunken glory, he could have given a far better effort. I knew a guy in high school who crashed into a telephone pole, which fell over onto three cars, then tried to pee on the police when they arrived. I knew of someone else who tried to escape from an imminent drunken driving arrest by driving across a golf course. On the opposite side of the reaction spectrum, I know of someone who, when pulled over, simply turned to the police officer and said "You got me. I'm loaded".

And a .12 BAC, while certainly too drunk to be driving, is not a level of intoxication that should account for Mel's sad, looney, deranged behavior. For the true drunkard, .12 is a nice, gentle buzz.

Oh well. Guess it shouldn't be too surprising when celluloid heroes turn out to less than you'd expect in real life.

And what was the point of this article, pray tell? Is it to let him off, somehow? What did the author think he was going to accomplish with this article? Please enlighten us.

Now I'm morally obligated to pay for Premium.

But you forgot to give Mel credit for doing 87 on the PCH.

I drive on the PCH and that little fact terrified the hell out of me.

I hope they get him off the road for a good long time.

So Mel only blew a .12? That's not much more than a few beers or a couple of cocktails. Either this guy's a huge bigot (that's the theory that I'm going with) or he really can't hold his booze. In either case, please send a load of those breathalyzers up here to Tacoma. They seem to read pretty low. Mel's next film- The Passion of The Piss-Drunk Bigot.

Cary Tennis... you should write more columns in addition to your advice feature. This was great!

Whats up with you? I have a suggestion: if you don't like what Cary writes, don't read him! You don't like what he writes, but you keep reading him. Hmmm... you sound like a candidate for his advice column.

I think Cary's point is that, when you look at the behavior here, you don't see he-man Mel, you see pathetic drunk stupid-ass Mel.

And maybe we should remember that, when Mel runs his mouth off about the Jews. He's just a guy, and not really that honorable of one.

I like your writing, and the article was great.

C'mon guys.

Then, wrote the officer, "Gibson quickly turned and bolted toward his own vehicle."

"Still not bad, I thought. The true measure of a man is his love of freedom."

It was right on. I guess it was too subtle for lots of ya.

Satire and irony are very underappreciated these days.

To the letter writer known only by the English letter "-- C": what does the C stand for? Certainly not creative. "www.carytennisblows.com"? Are you serious? You probably have your first and last name as a domain name, with pictures of your cat doing really funny stuff, like playing with string.

The article was humorous and insightful. You aren't. 'Nuff said.

yes, yes, write some more of these...

Is irony just another metal to you?

Of course, I think Mel should have smashed a bottle of blue curacao over his own head and yelled "you may take my booze, but you'll never take my freedom." If he had a picnic rug in the car, he could use it as an impromptu kilt, and all.

If Tennis is truly a fan of "seething reptilian intensity," he might try living as a Jew for a while.

To understand why we Jews reacted so "strongly" to Gibson's remarks, were so intractably "hyper-sensitive" about the entire matter, Tennis might consider that Gibson was arrested 2:30AM on Friday, July 28. A little after 4:00PM on Friday, July 28, a Pakistani man armed with what CNN described as a "large caliber semi-automatic handgun" opened fire inside the Jewish Federation in downtown Seattle, Washington.

While I'm certain that Tennis' alcoholism and recovery remain a source of wisdom and solace for him, the lessons his addiction taught him are less than universal in their appreciation and application.

It's clear that Salon is somewhat less than charitable with regard to the Jewish State and its actual and perceived difficulties.

However.

Last I heard, ICM wasn't sending suicide bombers into Malibu and Holmby Hills to deal with its more difficult clients. And the Brits weren't shelling Kilkenny.

Here's an interesting little test:

Had Gibson, during his arrest, used the N-word and blamed African-Americans for the world's ills, would Tennis have considered transforming the incident into an "amusing" shaggy-dog story about the world-weariness of Irish drunkenness?

I forgive him if he was drinking Tequila

Tequila? - I once became a vegan Buddhist on Tequila and I'm a carnivore at heart, so it might turn a Catholic into an Anti-Semitic psycho - or any psycho, for that matter - that stuff can be trickier then other booze.

seriously, tho, this is about as important as Janet Jackson flashing her boob for the camera - entertaining but at this point, also distracting, and I think we all have real issues we could worry about instead...

someday we're gonna have to undo all the mess of the last 8 yrs of the administration - then you won't have time for movies, gossip, or the boob tube - bwhaahahaha.

rb

"Had Gibson, during his arrest, used the N-word and blamed African-Americans for the world's ills, would Tennis have considered transforming the incident into an "amusing" shaggy-dog story about the world-weariness of Irish drunkenness?"

Can you imagine if Gibson had gone on an anti-homosexual rage? Asking if the officers were fa*gots, and told them that fa*gots were responsible for the ills of the world...

I like Cary Tennis and his advice, but I found this column to be dismissive & adolescent. (I mean, who really watches Gibson's movies anyway? Besides little boys?)