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Tuesday, July 18, 2006 12:00 AM

They called me a child pornographer

I took some photos of my kids naked on a camping trip. A drugstore employee called the police -- and my family's life became a living hell.

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006 07:10 AM

Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner!

"Is there a possibility that the pictures attracted the attention of the store clerk (and the local authorities) because the children "look different"?"

I find it interesting this didn't come out in the article more.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 07:13 AM

Its the f*cking south, what do you expect from a hole only a degenerate (the store employee, not the family) would live in....

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off. Put bluntly, the south is useless and most of the people there are utterly worthless.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 07:15 AM

Guilty until proven innocent - always

The problem here is not really child pornography, but what happens when anyone runs afoul of any kind of police, regulatory, or licensing agency.

Some months ago my spouse, a nurse, was accused to the state nursing board of having diverted narcotics. Her experience with the state nursing board mirrors almost exactly the experience of the people involved in this "child pornography" case. For those who don't know how the real world works, here are some pointers:

1) All this stuff you've heard about innocent until proven guilty -- forget about it. Doesn't exist. If you think it does, then you believe in Santa and the tooth fairy too.

2) Forget about evidence. If the public agency in question doesn't have any particular evidence, that doesn't matter either. They can move forward without it. This will come as a surprise to you. But all they need is an allegation.

3) Forget about an objective "investigation." What really happens in an "investigation" is that the "investigator" attempts to validate his or her preconceived notions, and will do so for as long as possible, and at your expense. Eventually -- usually months go by -- they have to admit that there is no evidence. But they will play it out as long as they can.

4) Forget about the idea that the anyone in the agency in question cares about you. They do not. Do you have to spend thousand of dollars on psychological evaluations to prove that you are not the "kind of person" who would have done [fill in the blank]? Not their problem. Will it cost you thousands of dollars in attorney fees? Not their problem. Do you descend into depression? Not their problem. If you think that you are anything but dog shit to these people, you are sadly mistaken.

5) In many cases, forget about facing your accuser. In the case of many licensing boards, medical, nursing, etc., the complainant remains unknown to you.

6) In many cases forget about even knowing what exactly you are accused of. They don't have to tell you.

7) Forget about getting any helpful information from the agency. They have no obligation to tell you about your rights or how the system works.

8) If you get an attorney, the agency staff will act surprised. They are shocked! shocked! that anyone would get an attorney.

9) Forget about privacy. In the process of pursuing their inquisition, the agency, through searches or psychological exams, will perform the equivalent of a strip search. If that doesn't confirm your guilt, then they will perform the equivalent of a body cavity search. Again, eventually they run out of steam, but not before they know an extraordinary amount of the most intimate detail about your life.

This is how it works in American, the land of the free. Any questions?

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