big fan of KK BTW... anyhoo,

1) there simply are no books for dads - I've looked

2) i have a 17mon old and one on the way who I'm convinced will be a girl

3) there are no books for dads with girls - I have not looked real hard

4) we are not burdened with books for Dads.

Nothing against the author of the book in question, i'm sure he's got it down. But as a guy, I'm thinkin' "just give me the facts" and I don't need or want a gender-based book on parenthood.

...some parenting advice from a Salon article that isn't put forth by a self-absorbed, upper middle class white woman who doesn't know her ass from her elbow. Plus, it's actually useful advice:

'Ignore everybody except your baby'

Bravo, Christopher Healey, and bravo King Kaufman.

-A working mom.

But some words from a savvy outsider will be in order. American culture is only just now moving away from the belief that Mom knows best. The smiles I get walking around with my 4-yr-old girl aren't just appreciative ones; they reek of "poor sod, will he make it to the car?" Another thing to watch out for, especially on play dates: the ready assumption that you as a man are courting praise for getting involved with your child. I've overheard this at parks before: "look at him, he's thinks he's so special." Ignore this; some folks don't want men to succeed as involved parents.

I might not be a dad, but I'd say it's an iffy bet to take parenting advice from a guy who names his kid "Halloween."

Ignore everybody except your baby AND always have baby wipes, a few spare diapers, a warm tiny sweater, paper towels and kid-friendly bandaids within arm's reach. And forget about your past, you're doing this now.

I think "Halloween" refers to the approximate date of the picture, not her name... Please note the costumes...

Ignore everybody but your baby. Thanks for somebody actually writing that.

And I second the letter expressing relief that we get a parenting article from someone not apparently completely in the grip of myopic class paranoia ("the nanny/birthmother/teacher is black/hispanic/poor and I am glad/sad/guilty/indifferent" "all the mothers at my kids preschool drive SUVs and I am angry/guilty/confused" "my husband and I wanted a simpler life for our child but it turned out we actually like the money/we got bored with all the hicks in Oregon/we loved the fact that she can get Chinese immersion classes so we stayed in SF/we are still living in a hut in mendocino and everthing is wonderfully spiritual, especially since we got highspeed access so I can write for Salon" etc...)

The problem is the way the caption is written and the way it wraps

Christopher Healey and his daughters, Halloween

2005

Christopher Healy and others "couldn't find any books on fatherhood" cause "they looked." Well, you tell me what the following books have in common, aside from the obivous?

"Do I Look Like a Daddy to You?"

"The Father's Book"

"Fatherhood: An Owner's Manual"

"The Birth of a Father"

"Black Fatherhood"

"Fathers"

"Father's Day"

"Fathers, Sons and Daughters"

"Fathering Daughters"

"Fathering Sons"

"Not as I Do: A Father's Report"

This is a partial list of books that I, as a librarian, have pulled from our shelves to discard because none, NONE of them have checked out in the past FIVE years.

My advice.

Next time look harder.

Look in your public library.

Hmmm. While on some level I think it's admirable to avoid having your kids exposed to a lot of the racism or violence that is in old cartoons, books, etc., it does make me wonder. Were Kaufman and Healy turned into gun-toting racists by these images? If not, then where's the problem? I know that these things can make us a bit queasy, but the implication that pop culture is going to be the sole framer of your child's worldview is a bit precious. Poor little darlings, all alone in the world, with no other steadying influence around -- you know, like parents.

This has always struck me as analogous to the Reagan-era panel on pornography. Their findings were (after seeing every image imaginable) that porno can warp a person, although, somewhat miraculously, those on the panel emerged unscathed, still capable of having good old-fashioned lights-out heterosexual relations.

Hiya King,

As a faithful follower of your column I was psyched to see that Daisy is going to be part of the family business (http://www.salon.com/sports/col/kaufman/2006/06/12/monday/index1.html) because sharing what you love with the kids is what it is all about. I have three daughters that are all fantastic athletes (softball, lacrosse, swimming and soccer for all), and I am sure it is partly because they ARE great athletes and partly because I shared with them one of the things I love which is the competition and mastery of sport. I coached their soccer teams, played dolls with them, helped with schoolwork, painted their nails, helped them pick out outfits (ok, that was partially selfish), gave boyfriend advice when I could, and generally did my best to meet them where they were. A quote is attributed to Woody Allen that goes something like "90% of life is just showing up." Well, I show up at every event I possibly can and I show up when they need me, not just when I think they need me. That is all it takes, guys, just be there for them.

A great book about fathering is Gordon MacDonald's "The Effective Father". The part I still remember today after having read it 20 some odd years ago is to know where the kids will be developmentally before they get there so you will be ready for them when they arrive and can help them with the difficulties that stage will present. Yeah, it takes some effort but I'll tell you what. Go in to school at the beginning of the year, or whenever you need to, and ask the teachers what you can expect to happen over the next year. You will not only get a great answer, but the respect and good will of all of your children's instructors (who will have more one-on-one time with your kids than you will). How much of an effort can it be?

I am happy to see you taking the voice of dedicated dad and not simply the erudite sports commentator. Happy Father's Day!