Letters to the Editor
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Hmmm.
I don't know why exactly, but I do appreciate Anne Lamott's memoirish writing far more than I appreciate anything memoirish in general. For one thing, aside from her being, at the very least, a solid writer, her voice is compelling. Some of the meaner letters I've read thus far have forced me to ask myself why that voice is compelling. I suppose one could say that it is self-indulgent, but I think the "one" who would say that is somewhat pretentious and, though he or she would probably not admit it, a little apathetic, a little "cry my a river." I don't always like some of the decisions Anne had made in her life (the stuff she's shared in her writing), but I think that's mostly because I like her. I never finished the first book I picked up by her--the memoir about having and raising little Sam--but that wasn't because it was bad. From the first page, I found myself liking this sweet, self-admitted mess who was also a solid writer. Books are done by plenty of solid writers who are messes. The world is littered with solid people who are messes, and nobody, as some of you have illustrated, like messes. Nobody likes to see messes, but they're there, and they don't necessarily mean that something is bad. On the contrary, messes teach us a lot. Truths reside at the center of 'em. And what messes can also do, is they can make us care, and caring about someone you don't have to, someone you'll probably never meet, whether she's in the sudan or beverly freakin' hills, is never a bad thing . . . never a bad feeling. I care about Anne Lamott, and I know how she feels, how I may have made my own mother feel . . . how someone else I care about may feel someday, and I want to do something about all of that, even if I can't. Right now.
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Impressive
I was pretty impressed with this article, mostly because it was so completely and utterly AWEFUL in every way. I'm not even sure why Salon would publish this at all. So this mom needs to vent about the difficulties of raising a teenage kid: that's fine and I know it's hard. But use a pseudonym! And don't put in a photo of yourself! Especially if the whole article is going to be whiny and terrible, about how the mom sits around like a slob falling asleep on the couch eating ice cream with the television on while she makes her kid go outside and clean the car. Way to go. Sounds like you sure have a hard life. I mean, we all cry like babies sometimes and act like total slobs sometimes too, but it seems like the worst king of narcisistic exhibitionism to have to write about it like that.
I'm pretty disgusted... and I really feel bad for Sam.
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Same Old Lamott
I haven't read any Lamott for around a year now but thought I'd give this one a go. Then I remembered why I gave her up in the first place.
Still bludgeoning us over the head with tales of her son and then proselytizing for Jesus.
Lamott is a sanctimonious god botherer who enjoys laying her son bare for creative impulse and financial gain.
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God said what?
But then I said the stupidest thing: I said, "I'll do anything you say."
Now this always gets God's attention. I could feel him look over, sideways, and drum his fingertips against each other. "Hello!" I heard him say. "Go deal with this, dude."
People who can read God's mind are sooooo cool!!
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Sounds about right to me
There is nothing wrong with telling a kid who lives under your roof that if he screws up and costs you money, he will have to pay off the debt in chores. And if it comes to pass that he does not do the chores and then sasses you and you slap him, you are wrong, but so is he.
Single parents have an enormous job, and letting kids know who is in charge is essential to doing the job right. Clearly she loves him, she hemorrhages when he has a paper cut. She apparently loves him too much to let him run the show; she knows that will hurt him more than a slap ever could.
I love my parents, but they were good at setting limits, and I always knew that it was their house I lived in, their cars I drove, and their time I wasted when I argued with them. This motivated me to move out and find my own life, and since about the age of 18 I have never wanted to move back in and reprise my role of child.
Ironically, I also think I had a great childhood. I always knew I was not in charge, I worried about very little. Whatever it was, they would figure it out. Just about the time I wanted to figure it out for myself, it was time for me to go.
As a childrearing method, it works just fine. I can't believe so many people think this is abusive, or misguided. Maybe Sam went along with publishing this essay because he knows that too many of his friends are being raised by people who don't know how to be parents.
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Thank you Anne. You wrote it for me.
Dear Anne,
Thank you. I am going through much the same things with my 14 and 16 year old sons.
I cried when I read your article. It was wonderful to know that someone else is having the same problems, and that all of us will probably come out of it still loving each other. And don't let anyone convince you that you son is acting like this because you are a single mother. My husband is very actively involved in our sons' lives, but they are very adept at pushing both of our buttons.
I learned long ago never to listen to anyone about how you are doing with raising your kids unless they have a child within two years of the age of your kids. The older parents don't really remember and the younger ones think they know it all. The people writing some of these letters have no clue what it is like.
Stay strong Anne. I will be thinking about you