Letters to the Editor
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sane person
Knowing that he grew up in a home where face-slapping was acceptable enough that his mother, rather than being profoundly ashamed of it, accepted money for memorializing it on the internet, I would think twice about allowing one of my daughters (or sons, for that matter) to date him. I would think twice about hiring him for a position of authority over children. He has obviously had extremely poor role modeling in the area of appropriate discipline, boundaries, etc.
If you wouldn't, I question your judgment. If you knew that the boy who wanted to date your son or daughter grew up in a face-slapping home, if that wouldn't make you think twice about their suitability as a partner, then I question your judgment.
At the very least, I'd want to talk to Sam about his understanding of appropriateness in such situations. It would be hideously unfair to him -- no one should even know about this but him and his mother -- but now that disturbing aspects of his upbringing are GLOBALLY PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE, I would have to act on what I know.
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the money?
better that she would have kept it secret?
how much money do you think you get for one Salon column anyway? i'm guessing not a whole lot. Probably less than $500.
I don't think she posted it for the money. I think she posted it for other parents to read, and empathize with.
if you want to judge Sam harshly because of the column... that's your choice. I would not.
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Divamom
Sorry to just be catching up, but thanks for the response. I'm sorry for misreading you, both about where you grew up and being spanked, not slapped.
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ps
SHE WAS ASHAMED OF IT... OKAY???
SHE JUST DID NOT KEEP IT A SECRET.
What I wonder about you, Anonymous, is what kind of skeletons are in your closet, if the mere thought of "exposing" this is enough to send you into such gyrations.
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Anonymous 6K
Good luck to your offspring finding someone who came from a flawless home life to partner with.
See I thought it's better to judge an individual by the choices that HE/SHE makes, and by the quality and character HE/SHE displays, but you're right - how could anyone overcome questionable upbringing to become an upstanding citizen? It would be totally justifiable to blacklist people from jobs because of something his/her parents did, as opposed to paying attention to their qualities, experience, qualifications, personality, etc.
My question for you: my mom spanked my sister but not me. Could I still get a job with children? Oh, no, I probably wouldn't spank the kids myself, but I might let a co-worker, right?
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"sane" person
If she's ashamed of it, why is she making it about her, instead of about the victim? Her global audience via Salon is treated to a long essay about HER tears, HER talks with God, etc. Her child has no voice. It's pure narcissism on display, sanctioned by Salon, at an extremely vulnerable time in her child's life -- an exposure that, thanks to the internet, will NEVER end.
IF this is really such a no-big-deal thing, then I sincerely hope that someone slaps you today. Or one of your children. I know you wouldn't call the police and press assault charges. After all, what's the big deal?
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(Silence)
It's nice to know that if it had ever gotten out to the general public that my grandmother was a little too free with her hands and liked to paddle a tad more than was good for her grandchildren, we all would have automatically been deemed "suspect," without any further reference as to what we may have learned from the ordeal, what our opinions about corporeal punishment are, and if we were decent, upstanding citizen regardless of our slap-happy Granny.
Geesh, Anon....if there are more like you out there, you guys are far more of a menace than Anne Lamott on her worst day.
(Leaving this thread rather disgusted)
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40 FUCKING PAGES!
Are you kidding me??? As someone who has been abused, shut the fuck up you losers. Being slapped once when you were being a shit to your mom is NOT abuse. You know what is a abuse, being made to sleep on a bookshelf because you won't let your foster daddy touch you down there. Being locked in a room for days made to soil yourself and then beaten aftewards because you couldn't hold it anymore. Made to take scalding hot baths everyday because you are a dirty little girl. Being told that your real mommy has a new baby and doesn't love you anymore. Ever been burned by a cigarette? I have, ever wake up with freaky dreams of abuse that you aren't sure are dreams or memories. Never being able to sleep with the bedroom door open because you are terrified somebody will come in the middle of the night? Or how about wondering how certain scars came to be on your person.
You make my abuse a laughing stock when you EVER FUCKING DARE to conflate the outburts of emotion once in a lifetime with abuse.
Oh my mommy hit me once and it ruined me forever, shut up you fucking whiner. Be molested and beaten, then you can come fucking talk to me about how a spanking or a slap is ABUSE. It is not abuse, it is a mistake.
Well I'm so glad your lives are so trauma free that a slap is equal to sociopathic abuse with no sense of remorse, no sense of whoops that was wrong. Take your judgements and your mommy issues somewhere else.
Sorry for all the swearing, but really, this hyperbole is pissing me off for all the lashing out here on the boards against TOTAL strangers you think it's abuse because someone hauled off and slapped you? Usually a slap like that is a signal to say, hey, you've gone way to fucking far passed the line of acceptable behavior. We did evolve from animals, we do sometimes still mess up and use the animal tactics of discipline. But abuse comes from somewhere else, it is not borne out of love for someone you were meant to care for and their disregard for your feelings or rules scares you. It is borne from the desire to inflict pain and fear on those around you, to take control by controlling others through fear and terror. Some people take gleeful pleasure in the suffering of others, I've seen the gleam in their eyes of excitement through my veils of tears and pain and it's very important to understand the difference between those people and people like Anne and stop comparing the two like they are all in the same boat.
Just as there is a difference between someone who had an office fling they are sorry for during a tough patch in their marriage to someone who sees hookers on a regular basis and gives not a whit about their spouses feelings or possible disease transmission.
The former made a mistake, the latter is a selfish creep.