Letters to the Editor
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I, too, once slapped
I am not proud of it, but it was a reaction rather than a response.
I have never slapped again, and my daughter and I have woven it into our family history. This story is not about the slap. How many of us grew up without one? Ms. Lamott, take heart. This too shall pass. Your son knows you love him, and sorry, folks, but she has every right to use any and all authority she has left. Soon, your son will begin his wanderings, and you will be with him on the journey. Blessings.
Karen
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Better cancel your plans to go up for sainthood
Well, at least you just have a human son. Imagine what Mary must have had to go through with Jesus. All those divine powers AND a raging case of teen angst and rebellion must have made her want to wring his neck on a daily basis. I bet she wanted to wring God's neck a few times as well, just leaving her like that after knocking her up. Gee, thanks a lot God. I bet she must have had days where she thought, "Hey, God, since you are the one with the divine powers, why don't you take some responsibility for raising this kid? Couldn't you at least tell him not to belch at the shabbat dinner?" I think the real reason that Jesus' teenage years aren't mentioned in the Bible is because Mary probably really let her screaming banshee out of the closet a few times over Jesus the teenager. Can you imagine how disclosing that little secret would have really ruined the Sainted Virgin Mary Blessed Holy Matron of the Millenium image that we women like to beat ourselves over the head with?
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I have never understood the appeal of Anne Lamott
And I do not understand why the Salon front page is littered with this kind of self-righteous, sniveling tripe. I feel for her son, I really do. I grew up with a parent much like Ms. Lamott--even down to the literary occupation--and at age seventeen I could barely look at my father, let alone talk to him. At the very least, my father kept his anecdotes about my "difficult" age to his close coterie of smug, hypocritical,new age, middle-aged hippie writer friends and out of the national press.
And, I might add, are the salon demographics so skewed toward bored, over-educated, underemployed mothers that the front page must be constantly filled with stories about child-rearing? If I wanted to read this crap, I'd pick up "Good Housekeeping" in the supermarket check-out line. Just because you have a book or two in print or, in the case of one of Salon's other special mothers, a husband with a Pulitzer Prize, doesn't mean the wider world (you know, the one that comes her for news & culture stories) should be interested in your family life.
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Gosh can I relate...
I have been struggling with my 17 year old daughter for over a year now. Boys hiding in the closet at night, pot smoke wafting from the basement bathroom, robotussin parties when i went out of town for the weekend.... and the defiant attitude. She is failing school, because it is more important she fight against me than make good decisions about her future. I feel confident she will come through eventually, but she has chosen the long path.
This is, unfortunately, God's plan... the last painful labor pains. When my children were younger i could well up with tears at the thought of their leaving me. Now, I am pretty sure i could pack the bags and lock the deadbolt behind them.
The hardest thing is letting go of your hopes and dreams for them, and learning to accept and relish the hopes and dreams they have for themselves.
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Gods will crap
Man, am I sick of gods will being brought to excuse every little piece of trivia in people lives.
Its not gods will, its *your* will and your choices. You slapped Sam, he sulked and speed.
Grow up folks, stop pushing your own responsibility's onto imaginary friends.
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Seriously, stop writing about your son
What purpose is being served in telling the world you slapped him? Putting his personal shit out there for all to read is not the way to build a closer relationship with your son. If you need to work out your guilt, confess it to a priest, don't publish it online for millions of people to read, including your son's friends. No wonder he's angry.
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Not too far from 17 myself.
I was just 17, and being a real pain in the ass is easy to do at that age.
If you're really worried about the car, and really worried about his driving (could he really hurt someone?) send him back to driver's ed. Make him work as a volunteer for the hospital. If you think he'll get better over the next year when the thrill isn't so new, take a deep breath and let it be. If he doesn't need the car and you can't let it be-- sell it and get ready for him to not speak to you for the rest of the month.
Never, ever make an argument about a chore. If it takes four trips to get him to clean the car, that resistance is just going to get worse every time. His pride now rests on whether the car gets clean-- he'll never want to do it. Try working about the problems without involving a chore-- help him clean it, ask him to do laundry instead. I'm afraid you're just allowing him to build up his anger every time you force him to do something, especially if you were violent toward him when you asked him to do it. I promise we get better. But you both need to find a system that allows you to cope so that these years don't seem intolerable.
Hey, at least there aren't two! ^_^ (There are in my family...the younger one's just started the sullen period.)
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You probably already know this
But losing it and slapping him was a big mistake, though I understand why you did it. There's nothing a surly teen likes more than having the moral highground of martyrdom. Next time, go straight to the crying bit. There's nothing a surly teen is unnerved more by than the sight of his own mother um, 'keening'. It freaks them out. And shows them their own idiocy has consequences. Remember your story about the carpet guy? Now, HE needed slapping.