I'm learning so much about myself as woman who doesn't intend to have children! I hadn't previously realized that I was:

*genetically inferior

*doomed to immaturity

*superficial, concerned only with my own selfish pleasures

*a worse lover than women who have given birth

*less athletic and intelligent than women who have given birth

*incapable of the sort of love that would lead me to sacrifice myself for someone else

*tragically missing out on snuggly naps and silly "bander" (gee, I thought I got lots of both with my partner)

Some parents here seem to be reporting on the joys of their own lives and the choices they've made; their stories should be very helpful for people who are undecided about having kids.

Others seem to just want to declare themselves morally, psychologically, and genetically superior to anyone who can't have or chooses not to have kids--inadvertently or not, they're providing direct evidence that parenting does NOT necessarily "make you a better person."

Sundial

In response to a letter which said "the last thing we need is more people", actually we need more people like the author and his girlfriend, upscale intelligent folks who can afford to raise a child properly. What we do not need are more borderline starving masses in a third world hellhole not covered by the Kyoto accords.

And I do NOT mean TEXAS!

Every child needs and deserves parents who are as ready as possible for parenthood.

Every child needs and deserves parents who are willing to make sacrifices and invest the time it takes just to raise a reasonable healthy, well-adjusted child, let alone a child who must cope with what nature has foisted upon his or her tiny genetic code.

This decision, over all others, should never be entered lightly.

Your lifestyle choices are your own, far be if from me to tell you what I think of them. But I can share with you that very little of what you chose to reveal about your life would make you a good parent.

So enjoy your wife, your cozy life, your 10,000-song i-pod. But please do not waste another minute pondering parenthood for you and your wife.

If you can't think of a good reason to have kids, by all means don't have kids. That is great advice.

If you think a relationship with a puppy is better for you in the short and long-run, then get a puppy. More great advice.

A child soon knows when he is unwanted. A child soon understands that she is a hindrance to what you'd rather be doing. So by all means, enjoy your life however you choose to live it. It doesn't matter if parents want to call you selfish or lament that you don't know what you're missing. True or not, who cares? The point is, you're not screwing up a child's life. And that is far, far better than the alternative.

don't do it. It's true, you'll never be totally "prepared" to be a parent, don't wait for that moment. But if you're highly ambivalent about whether you want it at all, why do it? It's not a job for the ambivalent. And I wish more ambivalent people would stop breeding just because it's expected of them.

That said, I'm a little suspicious of the fiance, Piper. She says the door's still open, and if he wants to she'll probably "go ahead and do it". It sounds like she doesn't want to face this issue and is pushing the deicsion off on him, frankly. Or else she doesn't want to be the one to say she's changed her mind and wants to be a parent (maybe she's been saying otherwise for so long she's worried about her "coolest girlfriend" status changing). I don't really think it's fair of her to put him in that position. They should both have many very extensive conversations about it and not leave it up to one of them to convince the other. And if one of them is only 30% on board, that's not good enough!

Can't wait to see tomorrow's update...

I was sure from the time I was 15 that I wanted no kids. Small children make me twitch. Couple that with a hair-trigger temper and I knew that I would be a lousy parent, end of discussion. I went through several relationships where when The Question cam up I did not equivocate. The answer was No. I made my decison and I am happy with it. Oddly enough I now find I can tolerate teenagers (at least for an hour at a time) and teach high school and I do enjoy it. But seeing the poverty my cowrkers live in and the endless stress over trying to be adequate (not perfect, just adequate) parents tells me I made the right choice. It was right for me but it might not be for someone else and that is cool. I have been offered money by relatives to find a new partner and have kids and I have told them no thank you and gone about my business. Those are the people I do not understand. Why should my decision be any of their business. Leave me, and all the others who have made this concious decision, alone to live my life and I will not meddle in yours.

While we may need more people like them, we don't need them to be breeding. Let them adopt in your scenario of being able to afford children. We don't need them in the "hellholes" of the third world including Texas. The planet has over 6 billion people now. 6,000,000,000+ We don't need more just because someone is affluent.

As a 30-ish married woman who has no doubt about having kids (soon hopefully) I am of the opinion that if procreation were a purely rational decision, no one would ever do it. I have a tremendous desire to have a baby, and part of that may be socially influenced, but I personally feel myself to be at the mercy of an almost palpable hormonal urge that up-ends my rational ideas about career, finances, etc. I feel in my bones that I want to have a baby and raise a child-- I suspect reason has little to do with it. It's the biological imperative: life wants to live and reproduce, whether that life is a protozoa or a sophisticated mammal.

The people who decide not to have kids do not have inferior genes or any other such silliness, but maybe they actually have some lowered biological drive to reproduce, which lets their individual reason tell them "I'd rather take care of number one than procreate the species", which is perfectly reasonable on an individual level and, since we're not an endangered species, it's not as though they're threatening the future of human existence (we're doing that collectively with environmental degredation, which could be partially remedied by less reproduction, not more). And perhaps, on more of a sociological rather than biological level, these people have other, equally important roles to fulfill in society besides parenthood. There is room in society for both, and given that we probably all agree disgruntled, regret filled parents don't do anyone any good, why judge those who don't reproduce, whatever the reason may be?

I think most posters are being awfully hard on Larry and Piper-- what's up with all the meanness? I think they'll be fine whatever they ultimately decide, but the agressiveness of some of these posts isn't good for anybody! But I guess reason isn't governing that process either...