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Hooray for Piper, that's what I say. Larry, stop whining!
Get yourself a garden, some cats, dogs, goats whatever, then go and plant some trees. Or, even better invest the millions of dollars you'd spend raising a kid on reforesting some land, then place a convenant on it so it's protected in perpetuity.
That's what my husband and I have done. The satisfaction we get from knowing we are investing in the future of the planet, including thousands of plant and animal species, instead of succumbing to some selfish genetic urge to produce an amalgamation of ourselves, is refreshingly multi-faceted. Not only do we get to see the fruits of our labour develop into valuable, healthy ecosystems, but we can still party all night without worrying about finding a babysitter.
Maybe sometimes I do worry about the fact that my cat won't be around to look after me when I'm old, but who cares? Individual humans are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Rather than generating another drain on the world's resources (or another world's resources if we survive long enough to find one) why not put your energy into regenerating the home we all share now?
Piper, get yourself a bulldog puppy and love him like you would a child. The rewards can be resounding.