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• Thursday, April 6, 2006 08:27 AM

  You're Not as In Control As You Think

  I really enjoyed the honesty in this article, but I feel I must interject some reality here. If you're 36, and you're fiance is close to that age, you are running out of time if you want to raise your biological children. Yes, I know there will be an avalanche of letters noting people who had kids at 39, or 42, but the truth is, that's exceptional.

  I know several friends, coworkers, and other folks, good people all, who put off the kid thing to enjoy those carefree years. And if holly hunter can have twins at 46, why couldn't they? Sure, there might be some problems, but you just get IVF or some other treatments, right?

  Well, those treatments are horrible, mentally and physically draining, extremely expensive and usually don't work. Sorry, but that's the way it goes. And people younger than you are already staring down fertility problems that they wouldn't have faced a few years earlier. Salon has run some excellent commentary on how fertility treatments have become a big, lucrative and unregulated business. They hire PR firms, marketers, etc., to perpetuate this myth that you can wait as long as you like and still achieve the desired outcome. Strangely enough, the radio ads and planted news stories don't tell you about the majority of their patients who endure months or years of painful treatment for naught. Also, OBs refer to mothers over 35 as AMA - advanced maternal age. Do a google search on the term. Many risks to mother and child at that stage in the game.

  I guess my point is, we think now about fertility and the choice to reproduce as a road we will have to cross at a defined point in time. Problem is, that defined point in time is actually much closer than we've been led to believe. Or maybe for you, it won't be. Who knows? The thing is, you don't. My wife and I are 5 years younger, and fertility is thankfully not an issue for us. Last year, we decided to take the plunge. Two pregnancies, two miscarraiges after 12 weeks. Again, just a lesson that unlike our careers, our relationships, our gym memberships and our pets, we're not in control of nature. The most logical and carefully laid plans can come to no end. Make that decision now. Or, decide you're not ready, may never be, and accept that you'll probably have to go the adoption route later. You'll be better off than those sucked into the myths fed to us by celebrity magazines and the fertility industry.

  —figsinzen
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