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Letters
Thursday, April 6, 2006 12:00 AM

Daddy dilemma

My fiancee is 70 percent against kids. The clock is ticking, and it's up to me to convince her to do something I'm not sure about either.

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  • Thursday, April 6, 2006 01:38 PM

    The myth that men don't want to have babies

    In my experience, men have more of a desire to breed than women. I am a woman who has decided, after great thought and consideration, to not have children. I am still single in my late 30s. Why? Because every man I've dated wants children. Biological children, babies that some of them thought they could force me to breast-feed, after they had, of course, worn down my resistance to having babies. One man had horrible genes, and quite frankly I thought was pretty selfish to want biological children--they would almost certainly inheirit his medical problems, which would lead to an early death. But "must have babies of their own seed" is drummed into their heads somehow. I know more women who DON'T want children than I do men who don't.

    As for the article--anyone who says they'd obviously raise "the thing" is not one who should be having a baby. A baby is a person, not an object.

    To the people who think children are born just to give you unconditional love: you've got a major reality check coming up. There is no guarantee they're going to love you, not the way you want. They are individuals, and they have free will. This is a stupid reason to have children.

    To the people who think that having children ensures you won't be alone in your olden years: you've also got a major reality check coming up. There is no guarantee that your kids will take care of you, want to take care of you. There is no guarantee they will be alive. This is also a stupid reason to have children.

    Kids do not necessarily mature you, make you grow up, make you happier, or bring you closer together. It's a crapshoot. Conversely, you can be mature, grown up, happy, and close to your spouse WITHOUT children.

    I don't hate kids--I just don't want to raise one. I've known this since I was 8 years old; two years ago, at 35, I had a tubal ligation. I have grown weary of men who think it's their duty to "convince" me to breed. There are more ways to help the future than having a biological child.

    I enjoy being an aunt; I can turn them back over to their parents, and be the cool aunt the kids can talk to about the hard stuff they can't/won't talk to their parents about. I volunteer at the local teen center with at-risk teens, who relate to me. I give back to my community that way--by trying to be there for teens that, for instance, the parents no longer want aroudnd.

    In addition, I am a citizen who routinely votes FOR school bond issues. My neighbors have kids that I know, and I want them to have a good education. Even the kids I don't know--they're the future generation. Yeah, sometimes, I get annoyed by constantly raising taxes for schools, but mostly, I consider it the price of living in our society, and one that's not terribly onerous to bear.

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