Letters to the Editor
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Not so black and white
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Gee, women as victims. We've haven't heard that one...
I don't suppose it would do any good to point out that men don't even have the choice to stay at home. Female bigotry is such that the natural assumption among most women is that they'd make better caretakers of children than any man. Perhaps it is the arrogant existence of this bigotry - as well as the ruthless, territorial claim of the home among women - that sets them up to be "bashed" in the first place? After all, any stay-at-home father would be merciless mocked by his wife's female friends and relatives as a bum or somehow less than a man, even if his wife spent all of two seconds a day with the kids before peeling out of the driveway to work.
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I knew it was too good to last.
An interesting discussion on working mothers was in full swing -- and then Brightstar or some other asshole has to smear shit on the wall with this ridiculous "men are oppressed" refrain.
1. Many women on here have commented that stay-at-home dads are increasing, and that they ARE being accepted by everyone from friends to the mom to the dads' relatives. So shut the fuck up.
2. If you're worried about what women will say about you, even as you bash them for being tyrants around the home, not only are you a whiner, you're a fucking baby. So shut the fuck up.
3. If you honestly think men are treated unfairly in a way that DOESN'T benefit them, you're insane. So shut the fuck up.
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Stay-at-home fathers
"After all, any stay-at-home father would be merciless mocked by his wife's female friends and relatives as a bum or somehow less than a man, even if his wife spent all of two seconds a day with the kids before peeling out of the driveway to work."
What? On what basis do you make this sweeping assumption? I know several stay-at-home fathers; I've never heard of any of them being mocked. Rather, I've heard people -- especially their wives -- speak admiringly of them, their devotion to their families and their personal sacrifices. Among the stay-at-home dads I know is a man who's taking leave from his job to stay home with the kids while his National Guard wife is in Iraq. He's getting a lot of kudos for what he's doing.
Stay-at-home fathers, along with part-time stay-at home fathers, are not all that rare and not new to society, as those of us with children know. Ted Koppel spent a few years as a stay-at-home dad, as did a former attorney general (and top-notch private-practice lawyer) in my state.
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Mythical Land of the Mommy Wars
Mothers who choose to work make the choice to stay home harder. This results simply from the law of supply and demand.
Two-income families simply bid up the price of real estate in neighborhoods with good schools. Feminists and traditionalist women alike have failed to agitate, or have been powerless to agitate, for school improvement. Only in the mythical Lake Wobegon are all the children "above average." In America, we fight each other over scarce resources.
There is no "catfight" or "internal war" outside this reality.
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Missing the underlying issue?
This is the best way I can define this struggle:
If you are a full time stay at home mom (SAHM), then by your very actions, you are making the statement that taking care of children (or even one child) is a job that requires your entire day, and your complete and focused attention. Therefore, anyone who goes into work, cannot possibly be giving child care anything close to the required time and attention, and hence, the children of such a mother are by necessity neglected. (See: Dr. Laura Schlessinger and her descriptive phrase "kiddie kennels" about day care.)
If you are a full time working mom, with a paid job outside the home, and consider yourself a good mother, then it also follows that the time you have AFTER work but BEFORE bedtime (for small children, roughly 3 hours a work day, sometimes less) is enough to adequately parent and care for as many as 3-4 or more children. Therefore, it logically follows that if YOU, the working mom, can do this excellent care in only three hours, how the hell can the SAHM be spending the whole entire day -- perhaps as much as 12 hours -- doing the same thing? Hence, it follows that this implication is that the SAHM is largely goofing off, playing tennis, watching soap operas and so forth. It can't take 12 hours for one woman to do what another does in less than 3 hours.
I am not sure we can ever have detente between these two positions, as they are diametrically opposed. It's like the divide between those who believe that people are born innocent and are made evil by society....and those who believe that we are born GUILTY and can only be saved by either religion or social intervention.
The important thing is that we give one another the respect that we automatically extend to other religious faiths -- in other words, we agree to disagree. As a Jew, I don't expect a Born Again Christian to agree with or understand my religious views (and vice versa) but I sure as hell want to be left alone to follow my own path to God.
Sadly, the way things stand now, one side or the other (on the working vs. stay-at-home mom debate) are always hell bent on trashing the other side. Just give up and accept this: all human beings parent in their own way...no one needs or appreciates YOUR advice.