Having children because you are worried that your biological clock is going to wind down before you can get knocked up is an *excellent* reason to have children, if you need that tick tick tick to motivate you to get beyond your doubts and ambivalencies.

Oh, I agree. . . That way when the relationship that you had serious doubts over ends or you find yourself trapped in a dead end job making $7 an hour you'll have not one, but two or maybe more unhappy lives to be responsible for.

Seriously, like another reader said, I am happy to have made the choice I made not to have kids when I was neither emotionally nor financially ready for them. If I end up childless than so be it. IMO, that is far better than having a kid I am in no position to take care of.

If a woman tries to have a child too late, she may find out she's infertile. In that scenario, a mature woman suffers. If a woman follows your suggestions, Johnnie Girl, and has a child in her mid-twenties, that may be too early for her to have a stable marriage, the best education she wants/is capable of, a good job, financial security, a house, etc. In that scenario, a child suffers. Which is worse, a woman in her forties who has an exciting career but cannot have children, or a deprived child?

I really don't understand the notion that children suffer so terribly that they shouldn't even be born when they don't the optimal material goods or the perfect family. It simply isn't true, because children are very resilient. I know, because my mother had me when she was 17 years old, with no man around and in a country in which she was persecuted and impoverished. She had a simple faith in her ability to raise a child even in the midst of terrible circumstances, and despite those things I can only say that I have grown from those experiences. I just don't buy that you need the perfect career, the perfect house and tons of money lined up in order to do the most natural thing in the world ---- if you wait for those high standards to all be met you could end up never having a child.

I have never met a woman who regretted having a child, even if it was hard at the time. But I know many women who regret never having one, because they were so eager to avoid even the slightest inconvenience in their comfortable life plan.

Johnnie Girl: My niece went through menopause at 27. Was likely suffering from diminished fertility for several years before that. So the sad truth is that no one, regardless of age, has any fertility guarantee. So, while I'm all for women understanding that their fertility starts to decline probably earlier than they imagine, it's ludicrous to suggest that anyone start trying to have a baby any sooner than they are ready.

Here's a newsflash for you. Life's not fair. My mother accidentally got pregnant at age 39 and with only one ovary. My niece couldn't get pregnant at 27. The truth is that while fertility declines dramatically, it's still pretty good odds for most women in their 30s.

It's sort of like the stats for Downs Syndrome. They scared the hell out of me because they rise so dramatically in your 30s, from 1 in 500 births in younger women to 1 in 54 at the age I was when I got pregnant. Wow, that's a huge risk increase! I should worry, get amnio, freak out, right? Then someone pointed out to me that it was still more than 98 percent likely that my child would not have Downs. That put things in perspective.

My heart goes out to your niece, that is really unfortunate.

Well, suffice to say this discussion has only reinforced my decision to try and have my first child by 25. There are definitely no sure things with fertility.

More Dawn Friedman, please. Best article I've read on Salon in far too long a time. I’ve long thought that, put in the broadest (and not always applicable) terms, closed adoption assumes the worst of people and open adoption assumes the best. With something so important, I’d think starting from a position of assuming the best of people would be essential. As to a couple of other points:

"I have never met a woman who regretted having a child, even if it was hard at the time."

I have.

"But I know many women who regret never having one, because they were so eager to avoid even the slightest inconvenience in their comfortable life plan."

And these women can adopt from the multitude of adoptable children who are put up for adoption by the young women in unfortunate circumstances who made the wise and brave choice to allow their children the chance for a better life with more mature women of better means and opportunities.

I don't see who's the loser in that scenario. However, I can see who stands to lose when children are raised by women who are too young, too immature, or suffer in situations of disadvantage. That not all children are damaged or ruined by being raised by such women does not make that the best option for everyone.

The idea that sharing someone's genetic material necessarily or automatically makes them your family is both nonsensical and archaic. Biology or the law can make someone a relative, but only love can make a family. If you came from a loving family, then good for you. Why begrudge anyone else theirs?

Congratulations and best wishes to all the loving members of Dawn's, Jessica's and Madison's families.

(that's it.)

Well, I'm a father. I didn't specify that in my letter because I didn't think it was important.

One way to look at it is I've done all the things a father might typically do. I was around for the pregnancy, I went to the hospital, I cut the cord, took care of the baby, fed her, cleaned her, held her, kissed her. Got transformed. Then all the other parental things ... too many to list here. There were a few minutes right at the absolute very start I wasn't involved in, but I'm not concerned about that. A few days after her birth, yes, I waited as a young woman said goodbye to a beautifal baby and handed her over to me forever. That is a scene I can never forget; I will always respect her loss.

Those sorts of emotional experiences are the reason why I know my daughter is my daughter. Anyone who hasn't been in that room can't judge it.