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Saturday, Jul 4, 2009
I've seen a lot of angry letters lately in response to some of the personal stories that Salon has chosen to publish. I've privately agreed with some of those complaints. But I trusted that it would only be a matter of time before Salon found its footing again and began to showcase sensitive, incisive, and fascinating first-person accounts. I think Salon hit the jackpot with Ms. Friedman.
Dawn Friedman's story touched me very deeply. As a woman in my late thirties who has never had children, I am acutely interested in adoption stories. I know that if I do decide to have children at my relatively advanced age, I may have to go through some sort of adoption process.
Friedman's narrative was compelling and gentle, and I was moved by her openness about the strange and conflicting emotions she felt toward her child's birth mother. How courageous she is to allow her little girl to grow up in contact with not only her birth mother but her entire birth family! So many people would never be able to get beyond a great (and understandable) torrent of jealousy to include birth families in the upbringing of their adoptive children. Madison will be loved on more levels than the average child could ever dream of. It's a wonderful testament to the fact that true love never divides - it multiplies.
But I have to wonder how much race played a factor in raising the child? It's just makes me wonder with the country club, and all. Not that you have to be rich to go there, but maybe the parents thought it would be to hard to raise a child at 19, and have to deal with the race issue. All and all, I have to say the open adoption does not seem like such a good idea. It's like leaving your kid with a live in nanny year round, and showing up once in awhile to see how they're doing.
I have two great adopted children from the olden days when adoptions were closed. I always ached for the birth Mothers and wondered about how they were coping. With my full support, my daughter found her birth Mother when she was 30. It was very important to her for many reasons as it would be for me if I was adopted. She has become a great comfort to my/her daughter and we have so enjoyed welcoming her to the family. She told us stories of the pain of her young life during and after the process of giving up her baby daughter.It still brings tears to my eyes.
Her birth Mom has two other young adult kids who are bi-racial (my daughter is Caucasian) who share many features and characteristics with my daughter. They are all delightful and I love spending time with them.
My adult son has no interest in finding his birth family, even though I have always left that door wide open. It is his life and none of my business now. Yet I wonder......
Most riveting thing I've read in a while. Thank for sharing this. Social workers and adoption professionals should print this out and give it to prospective adoptive and birth parents.
Being the parent of nineten and twenty year old sons I applaud and respect the decision of Jessica to have her wee girl adopted. Some of my boy's friends have given birth in their youth and the struggles and parenting are what one would expect of kids having babies. Madison is one lucky child and as emotionally complicated as it must be for all involved you are all lucky.
I am a twenty-six year-old adoptee with limited interest in finding her birth parents. I have never supported open adoption, but this essay, which brought tears to my eyes at the end, will make me rethink my stance on the issue. I am so impressed at the maturity and willingness to work with one another through something excruciatingly difficult that both the adoptive and birth families have shown. I hope it works out well for them and for Madison.
As someone who is planning on starting the adoption process next year this wonderful, honest piece reminds me why my partner and I have never considered closed adoption. Even if that means that having a child placed with us might be harder-- we're Jewish lesbians-- but we know in our hearts that we don't want our future child(ren) to be cut off from their biological family.
Thank you, Dawn and Salon, for such an excellent, heartfelt essay.
Dawn Friedman expressed her point of view and her experience so clearly, so simply. I just want to thank her for putting onto the page all the convoluted, contradicting emotions surrounding adoption. And thanks to Salon for publishing it.
I'm an adult adoptee from a closed adoption myself, and I found my birth mother when I was 19, with my adoptive parents' unwavering support and help. It was very scary for me, and my biological mother and her family suffered for years not knowing what had happened to me. I often wonder if open adoption could have calmed their fears.
This is a moving story. In the beginning I felt such sadness for Jessica, and for the author's guilt, but by the end I was thinking how lucky Madison is. She has a mom who embraces her fully, including her birth mom and family. She will never have to wonder where she is from, or feel like a part of her heritage is a mystery. And she has love coming at her from everywhere. Thanks for sharing this. I loved reading it.
Dawn Friedman - a breath of fresh air. Stick with writing like this, please.
I am currently in the process of adopting a baby from Ethiopia. I often think about our child's birth mother, and this story was very moving. I was delighted to see it in salon.
I do want to clarify, though, some people's motives for adopting internationally. Friedman says that parents adopting internationally may prefer it because it's closed.
That's not necessarily the case with all international adoption (there is a model other than China). We chose Ethiopia, in part, because we hope to be able to know our child's birth family. And families with children from Russia, Korea, and Guatemala have all been able to contact the birth parents. The adoptions can remain closed, it's true, but some people choose international adoption for a host of other reasons, including the great need abroad, the more predictable timing, and not wanting to feel like being chosen by the birth mother is a competition.
The media outlet's use of Bush euphemisms sparks a much-needed debate on journalistic standards.
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Thanks for sharing, Governor. Now please take a cue from Norm Coleman, and go away
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