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I am the adoptive mother of a 12 year old girl. The adoption had been open, I took custody of my daughter when she was 4 days of age. Initally the birth mother had frequent contact and phone calls during the first two years of my daughter's life. Gradually, she has withdrawn, it became too painful for her, she had to go on. She was very committed to giving her child a life that would be "easier" than hers, a life without poverty, a life with opportunity, a life with the advantages she had not received. That was our contract of sorts. She would allow me to parent this child, to love her, to be her everyday mother, so that this baby girl could have a chance to fully engage in a hopeful life. I have such gratitude for her choice. The joy of being an everyday mom to my daughter is beyond that which I have ever had. I have such reverence for her strength, to make such a sacrifice for her child. And yes, I do feel some guilt about her needing to make this decision:being forced to choose because of the utter poverty and lack of opportunity she had endured. Yet, somehow the guilt increases my firm commitment to keep the contract. It has allowed me to focus on loving this child, on teaching her responsibility, compassion and empathy for others who are without advantages, without opportunities, without hope. She is very wise and very kind. The contract has expanded my world as I have tried to expand the world of this amazing child. It has made me far more aware of the responsibility we all have in parenting the children in this world, not only our birth children. It has allowed me a glimpse into the culture of poverty, to try in my local way to alleviate some of the suffering it brings to all of us. For truly, through my child with her two mothers, poverty affects us all.
