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Wednesday, March 8, 2006 12:00 AM

Open adoption, broken heart

I knew it would be hard for my daughter's birth mother to give her up. I just didn't expect to feel so guilty for taking her.

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  • Wednesday, March 8, 2006 05:36 AM

    a note on international adoption

    I am currently in the process of adopting a baby from Ethiopia. I often think about our child's birth mother, and this story was very moving. I was delighted to see it in salon.

    I do want to clarify, though, some people's motives for adopting internationally. Friedman says that parents adopting internationally may prefer it because it's closed.

    That's not necessarily the case with all international adoption (there is a model other than China). We chose Ethiopia, in part, because we hope to be able to know our child's birth family. And families with children from Russia, Korea, and Guatemala have all been able to contact the birth parents. The adoptions can remain closed, it's true, but some people choose international adoption for a host of other reasons, including the great need abroad, the more predictable timing, and not wanting to feel like being chosen by the birth mother is a competition.

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