Letters to the Editor
-
It's important to identify red flags and dealbreakers
For all those who have said that love is not about attributes and checklists, I have to disagree. Not that anyone should pull out a notepad during a date and take notes on how his or her date answers questions, but everyone has dealbreakers -- as well we should. Many others have red flags that you ignore at your peril.
I have a close friend who has made terrible relationship choices for the past several years because she thinks love is about chemistry and feelings. She just cannot, no matter how often I am right about her emotion-driven, self-defeating decisions, introduce any modicum of reason into the picture. And she is suffering mightily for this handicap. She is single and desperate, and it's really sad to watch her make the same kinds of mistakes again and again and again. I think that one of these seminars would benefit her immensely if she was able to take anything from it.
On the other hand, once I learned to combine reason and sound judgment with my emotional reactions to people I dated, I soon met my wonderful husband, with whom I have chemistry but who also passed all of my assessments with flying colors. It wasn't a crass process of checking things off on a list -- it was an honest look at his past, his character, and what I could expect based on that. Maybe looking at people that way isn't "romantic". But I would venture to guess that people who operate like this are a hell of a lot less likely to make poor decisions and end up getting divorced. Attraction is not the whole ball game, folks. I would advise people who think it is (sorry if this sounds harsh) to grow up.