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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I've slogged through plenty of drivel on these pages, and I've done my fair share of complaining about it. However, there was little wrong with this article -- it may not be your cup of tea, but it's honest as opposed to self-absorbed and self-deluded. And it is certainly not whiny.
Of all the letters, though, the one that struck me the most was Karen M's:
"And, unfortunately, this article would probably not have been any better-received if posted on Broadsheet, since that's where so many men go to lodge their own complaints about women and their issues."
That's a broad stroke. Men who read articles such as "Sexual healing" and frequent Broadsheet are as entitled to their opinions about the articles and posts as you are. And I have yet to see anything that qualifies as purely a "women's issue" anyway.
I'm guessing the 20-somethings who are whining that they are sick of Salon's recent emphasis on parenting have no idea that Salon has had an emphasis on parenting since 1997, since they'd have been 14 at the time, and probably more interested in reading Teen Beat.
I started reading Salon in 2000 because I had just become a stepmother to two toddlers, and was desperate for something that affirmed that, well, mothers think. Much of our popular culture emphasizes the notion that the mother vanishes into her offspring once they are born, and I believe that at least some of the reason for the recent prevalence of the Child-Free movement (and their incredibly, insanely hostile attitude toward children in general, because of course they sprang to life fully grown like Athena from Zeus' brain) is the belief that if you are a woman, having a child destroys your self and your personhood and makes you into a cipher, the Mother. Obviously if you're a woman with a strong sense of self and you fear that motherhood will destroy it, you will be hostile toward the social attitude that you should have kids, because you'll see it as a social attitude that you should just cease to exist as a person. I *wanted* kids and I struggled with this. When I hear people whining about how they really don't want to read stories about how mothers act just like people (or, worse, that such stories are whiny and self-obsessed, because of course stories about twenty-somethings trying to Find Themselves in a confusing world or middle-aged men Coming To Terms With Mortality are great literature, it's just mothers that whine), I am reminded that most Americans (and, guessing from the recent article in Broadsheet re Germany, possibly many Europeans as well) don't want to believe that mothers are human. No wonder so many women don't want to have kids. Who wants to stop being human in the eyes of the rest of humanity?
Salon has never been solely about the news. You want nothing but lefty news, all the time, go read Alternet or something. Salon has always featured a mixture of political news, technology articles, book reviews that explore some aspect of politics or technology, movie reviews that are overly snooty and don't like anything that the average person might possibly enjoy, and articles about sex, gender and parenthood. This has been the mix since *I* started reading in 2000, and it's my understanding that it was the mix since Salon was founded. If you don't like it, go read something else, but stop complaining that Salon has changed. It hasn't.
Sorry, but salon.com has changed and some of those changes have not been for the best.
I remember Mothers Who Think. While some of those features were far from great, the majority of them, when compared to Ms. William's piece, look positively prize-worthy.
So a woman's sex life changes after she has a baby. Shock! How'd have thought that?
As far as Ms. William's claim that: 'When it comes to sex, I've always been an overachiever' I can only wonder why she chose to share that. Seriously, would she like an award for that? Perhaps she could call Jenna Jameson and see if she cares. . .
I noticed that the post stating that those having kids are "assholes" is gone. I wouldn't have even bothered to reply to the thread until I saw that comment. (At the time there were only 3-4 responses). I thought Kim had written it, and she doesn't disclaim it in a subsequent letter, but if I'm wrong about who wrote it, I do owe an apology.
I was *not* referring to the need to have your own children to take care of you in your old age, but the fact that if people don't have children, there will be no one to take care of you, even if you have all the long term care insurance, assets etc. It's one of the reasons that people who don't have children should still be concerned about child abuse, and other health and welfare issues pertaining to children. The current crop of kids are going to be who will be taking care of us in our old age--whether doctors, nurses, home health aides, the guy who mows the lawn, our accountant, etc. I'm not saying you have to have them, or love them, or whatever, but to talk in such negative terms about parents and children, is detrimental to society.
This article has me cracking up cuz my libido was dead for 4 months or so after the birth of my twins. D and I eventually found our way back to fabulous f*&%king and all that fun....but it took a minute!
I know many mothers who have had this same problem. I have had friends who have went ahead and had intercourse because they thought they had to and were miserable. I used to think their partners must be really selfish but I realized it was more complicated than that.
It's like finding your way back to yourself and your partner. In the midst of the demands from the new little bundle of "joy". ;)
Like the author said at the end of the article you decide what's good for you and when....but it can be hard for a new mom not to be hard on herself....I guess it was my twins that kept me from dwelling on my dead sexuality (I was too tired to give a rats ass).
Happy Saturday Moms everywhere!
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
