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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
"So I never said these are my problems -- these are simply the complaints I've heard from my married friends who have had children."
Well, you sure implied that these are your problems. If you're complaining on behalf of your married friends, do you want real solutions for them or do you simply want to keep complaining?
There are some real, concrete, practical steps that can be taken to address the problems you've identified. Exhaustion and/or depression and/or isolation are serious but common postpartum problems for new mothers and, by extension, their loved ones. It's common for exhausted and/or depressed people to lose interest in physical upkeep, for example.
If you're really interested in helping out your buddies, if their problems are really serious, you might look on their behalf into the many practical solutions that have been suggested. That's more productive than aiming missives at women in general.
-- another mom
i.e the one that says that mens' only function is to adapt to womens' needs and that any questioning which goes beyond what women choose to agree to be questioned about is out of bounds. Practical steps to be taken by individuals is a seperate issue.
the "other" anonymous
See the Washington Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2006/01/31/DI2006013101008.html?nav=nsc
>When I hear people whining about how they really don't want to read stories about how mothers act just like people . . . I am reminded that most Americans (and, guessing from the recent article in Broadsheet re Germany, possibly many Europeans as well) don't want to believe that mothers are human.<
Er, no. (And the fact that you would call criticism "whining" says a lot about how much you respect people who don't think motherhood is the end-all be-all.) What people are reacting to is the incessant, constant underlying "Being a mother makes you a real person, an angel-on-earth, a responsible adult, and an all-around complete perfect valid person" message. When every other magazine, every other paper, every other news show has articles almost every freaking week about motherhood, motherhood, motherhood, there's every reason for those of us who don't want to have kids to get fed up--and suspect motherhood is being pushed as the ultimate ideal for women. It really seems as if no trends or events mean anything or are important unless they are child-related. One expects this kind of kinder-concentration in LADIES' HOME JOURNAL, for example, but why are we getting this stuff from everywhere? And one has to wonder--is this really all most women have come care about, endless minutae of childraising? Or is this just what editors and writers think that's what they care about? Given this society's rightward drift, people have every reason to wonder what the "24/7 baby-media deal" is.
One reader wrote:
"If you're really interested in helping out your buddies, if their problems are really serious, you might look on their behalf into the many practical solutions that have been suggested. That's more productive than aiming missives at women in general."
One can't help but see similarities between the position some (just some, not all) of the female posters have taken in defending womankind in general in this letter page from mean old male posters like myself and that of the Bush Admin.
How so?
Whenever Bush was asked a tough question about pre-war intelligence or post war planning -- he simply accused the reporter of hating-American, blaming America first and support terrorists! Well, that certainly worked to poision the well and scare reporters in never asking legitimate questions again.
When men here raise legitimate concerns about some serious issues that can arise in a marriage post-child, issues that can be radical andendure for years and years -- some posters have taken a page directly out of the White House playbook.
Male poster: It could be considered a serious issue in a marriage if a spouse experience a radical change in sexual behaviour after having a child that last for years and years.
Female reply: Exactly how long have you hated women and exactly why do you hate women so much?
Somewhere Karl Rove is smiling.
>>When I hear people whining about how they really don't want to read stories about how mothers act just like people . . .>>
no, no. It's the opposite. I was turned off by the writer's view that she is SO special, the only one to every feel that way.
We know mothers are people, we all had mothers, you know.
I'm just tired of the overabundance of princess articles here lately: "I...me...me..me... I... my... me me me me me me me... I"m so special...look at me.... me me..."
Thank you for a well-written article on this at times difficult subject. I don't know where so many people get off on being so negative, especially since most can't begin to imagine writing so coherently, but plenty of people drive while talking on cellphones while also proclaiming to hate people who do that, so who knows.
This article reminds me yet again that if it were up to me, i'd disable all anonymous posting and force people to stand up and be counted by name.
Whenever I start to almost kind of sort of think it mayyyy not be that bad to give birth, and it would for sure be wonderful to have a baby, I read something like this. YIKES! And YUCK! I have the heebie jeebies all over again! I have an older friend who is a midwife, and I always ask her so many questions about how doctors have to CUT (with scissors?), and you could stretch, and is it better to just get the slice, in case it tears or ruptures, etc. A lot of moms have told me that as soon as you have the baby, you just magically forget all about the exruciating pain. But this article shows that it's not so. You're still a bleeding, raw mess for a long time after! And could it ever really go back to normal? Would men ever consider becoming fathers if they knew that a sensitive part of their anatomy would have to be cut into---sometimes without anesthetic--and then sewn back up?? I wonder. In short, as a newlywed, I feel like running for the hills!!
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
