Letters to the Editor
-
Just so it's clear there is more than one "anonymous"
in fact there are more than two, since I assume most people can see the anti-male one is different, but there is more than on on the same "side"(in the very unfortunate event that that characterization of the nature of the discussion is meaningful)
-
Nobody celebrates age based changes for the worse in intelligence, mobility, circulatory function,
etc, and nobody complains when people make efforts to delay or counteract the changes that REALLY are inevitable(as opposed to the many that aren't or at least not as soon as they often happen) so why are so many people so anxious to "age out" of the desire or ability to have sex (or to look or act like they want to)? It's one thing to deal with reality, it's altogether another to inisist that anyone who tries to influence the situation to their liking or to induce others to do so is automatically an inconsiderate, stupid, shallow, oppressive...blah blah blah.
-
Maybe Anonymous' wife is depressed
After reading these long self-pitying epistles penned by a certain Anonymous (summary: he's not getting any and he's bummed that his wife, who once wore high heels and mini-skirts, now dresses in practical but frumpy clothes), it has struck me that there seems to be in all of his voluminous postings not one tiny shred of expression of love, or even concern, for the poor woman. If things with her are as bad as he describes, those sound like classic symptoms of depression -- either the more common kind that strikes overworked, overtired and overwhelmed mothers or the more serious, prolonged postpartum variety. From the evidence I've seen (a self-absorbed husband who seems to be saying he has buyer's remorse about his wife and child), I have to say I can't blame her for being depressed. And I wonder: Was Andrea Yates' husband this dense?
-- another mom
-
Yes of course! It's her husbands fault she killed all her kids
In the same way it's usually the wife's fault if the man beats up his wife and kids. Of course any considerate man would understand that love is what determines when or whether a woman ever wants to have sex and would calibarate himself accordingly. In the same way all women understand that it is their responsibility if their husband can't get it up and that it's her job to fix it.
-
I'm talking about YOU, not all men
I'm not talking about all men or all women or all husbands or all wives. I'm not making a political statement. My observation is about YOU alone because YOU are the one complaining. I'm not saying love conquers all, but your lack of expression of love or affection or concern for your wife (and your child) is very striking. I feel sorry for her.
If you're going to make such explicit complaints about your private life to the whole world, you have to expect some feedback. Do you want to solve your problem, or do you just want to complain and complain and complain?
It does sound like your wife may be depressed, and your self-pitying attitude won't help much if that's the situation. Being the mother of a baby or toddler is very exhausting work that can leave a person emotionally drained. Without going into details, I can tell you that I have a very, very athletic background and, for me, the physical challenges of motherhood far eclipsed anything else I had experienced.
If she is depressed, what could you do to help? For starters, read up on postpartum depression. Consider hiring a babysitter so that she can get some time to herself. Get a gym membership for her. Make a massage appointment for her. See to it that she has social opportunities so that she doesn't feel so isolated. Stop whining. Those are some constructive suggestions.
-
Since I'm not the one with kids maybe I shouldn't have responded
It just seemed that there was a broader issue. (There are apparently, according to many surveys/studies/etc. a great many people, not all of them women, who aren't interested in (much)sex AND who refuse to see it as any kind of a problem that is specifically within them. It's very hard to get treatment for someone with that attitude)
-
So Many Annoymous Posters Is Confusing!
One Poster wrote:
"If you're going to make such explicit complaints about your private life to the whole world, you have to expect some feedback. Do you want to solve your problem, or do you just want to complain and complain and complain?"
Clarification since the poster didn't bother to, you know, actually READ my posts or simply didnt understand them -- I never claimed these were my problems.
I'm not married and I don't have kids.
So I never said these are my problems -- these are simply the complaints I've heard from my married friends who have had children.
Confusing matter further is that ANOTHER poster called Annoymous responded -- and not very adeptly (sorry other Annoymous).
These exchanges are actually very illustrative of the communication problems some married couples have.
A spouse makes a statement and the other spouse refuses to listen, purposefuly mischaracterizes their partners positon --- or just dismisses their concerns out of hand.
Isn't that basically what's happened here between the (ugh. I can't believe I'm actually writing this, but it's true!) male and the female posters?
The men say that sometimes problems do occur post-child and they can be a serious issues.
The women (at least some women, not all) immediately misrepresent what's said and try to dismiss the issues that are raised.
When I said that a siginifcant loss of sex drive after child birth that lasts for YEARS can be a serious issue in a marriage -- posters immediately complained that men are barbaric and insenstive for demanding that women resume normal sexual function within weeks of child birth!
A classic misrespresentation.
Next I brought up that other significant personality changes can occur after child birth -- including radical changes in wardrobe and appearence, changes that may bother a spouse. Posters then immediately mischaracterized that statement by arguing that it was ridiculous for men to demand that their wives dress like hookers immediately after giving birth?
Go back and re-read the posts and you'll see the female posters acting (ahem) emotional and somewhat irrational to some very mild observations.
Why is that?
Where is this hyper-defensiveness coming from?
Why do some posters feel the need, the urgency if you will, to insist that no problems exist?