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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I thought the story was funny and actually valuable, as it discussed an issue that's kind of important to happy marriages but rarely gets such frank treatment. Happy marriages are good for kids, so the subject's not really trivial.
If it's any comfort, new mothers should know that:
A. Any new father worth his salt is also almost as exhausted (though moms have more demands made on their bodies) and also sympathetic to the low-libido problem, and
B. The problem is temporary. Eventually, kids grow older and more self-sufficent, and parents get some rest and a semblence of their old lives back.
As for those complaining about the existence of articles about parenting, I doubt anyone held a gun to their heads and forced them to read this. Many readers, including many fathers, appreciated this article, but not every single piece in Salon can possibly interest everyone.
As for those who use the Salon letters section to spew venom at children in general, those are some pitiful folks. There are many good people, with and without children, who strive to make the world better for the generations to follow them. The baby-bashers, in contrast, seem to have contempt for future generations.
As an almost-seventy year old, I haven't been reading much information on this subject (ad nauseum, as a letter writer suggested) but count me as someone who thoroughly enjoyed this article and Mary Beth's style of writing. Maybe reading something like this at midnight, the content seems more humorous than while doing so during the hectic hours of the day, but I am flummoxed as to why anyone would denigrate MB's style. Every article written does not necessarily have to contain earth shattering information to be deemed worthy of reading and furthermore, I considered this particular essay to be extremely entertaining (and yes, even informative for the young mother)
I, too, am associated with family members in the medical profession, including a retired OB-Gyn physician husband and I, a nurse. It could be that I'm not that defensive when it comes to not-so-kind remarks about doctors but even after rereading Mary Beth's article, I didn't find her comments accusatory--just that her doctor's remarks were more matter-of-factly indifferent. And believe me, I've seen many capable but indifferent physicians in my lifetime.
Although I cannot say I was as over-the-top dedicated to sex as was MB, I thoroughly enjoyed this article. If that means I'm not a good example of judging entertaining or informative writing, then so be it.
Someone mentioned that her lack of sex drive might be due to the prolactin, but how is she going to be able to breastfeed her daughter if her prolactin levels are lowered? Not a viable option for the writer.
Even if there was no hormonal component, I think I still would have zero sex drive for a while due to my privates being torn apart. Ouch :(
I'm glad this article is out...hopefully men will be a little less demanding on their wives after reading it.
Lot's of women are critical of this article for a variety of reasons -- some quite valid.
However, the article is invaluable information for men who hav no clue what having a kid is going to do their once perky, sexy, horny, mini-skirt wearing wives.
Men are naive about what life post-birth is like -- had they actually KNOWN having a child would turn their wife into a sexless utterly unfeminine person I doubt they'd have agreed to the idea.
They married a fun, sexy chick with long hair who was sexual, flirty and loved to wear sexy outfits.
Post-child?
He is now married to a women that has chopped off her hair, wears sweats everyday, threw out every pair of high heel shoes she owns and basically acts (and kinda looks) like a man.
Let's just be honest -- the change is typical (just go to Wal-mart and look around -- the sweats, chopped hair and no make-up seem to be the standard issue mother uniform) but it is also extreme.
Lots of men change too. They go from stylish designer jeans and shirts to frumpy old men with pot bellies.
The crux of this article, for me anyway, seems to be proof that a) neither men nor women have any clue how DRAMATICALLY their lives will change after a child and b) a weird assumption on women's part that men should be happy -- nay! -- thrilled that the woman they married has totally changed into someone so unreconginable that they probably never would have dated them in the first place if they had met each other in her new incarnation.
"I don't wear skirts, high heels, or wear make up, chopped off all my hair and don't enjoy sex anymore and I'm thrilled with the new me!" cries today's new mothers.
Of course they are completely cluessless that their husbands HATE the "new" you.
So what happens? They divorce and remarry someone who looks and acts like the OLD you.
The only mystery is why newly divorced women seem so surprised that their men leave them after they have completely changed every aspect of their personality (post-birth) and then completely de-sexualized themselves?
After reading this I didnt feel guilty . This last week my husband told me he wasnt getting enough sex .That he had needs and sexual temptations ,I really dont understand what he meant by that . But I told him that if twelve times in this month wasnt enough I really dont know whats enough for him . I work as a teacher and Im a mother of two boys.Also I cant forget that I have to get home and do the household chores .What does he do Work as a detective ,excercise and then sit in front of the TV.Thank you very much.So how many times do we have to sex to be considered normal and satisfying.
determined that she doesn't need to have sex (or make love) unless she wants to. Hope her partner also knows that (and that he doesn't need to unless he wants to). Lovemaking shouldn't be a sporting event or competition. Hopefully paying attention to want and desire will lead to far more wonderful lovemaking in the future.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
219 Democrats and one Republican join in favor of the legislation, which passed by a narrow margin
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Salon headlines in your mailbox
