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"If either partner, husband or wife, demonstrated a radical personality shift during a marriage there generally will be conflict. If a husband suddenly lost all interest in sex, blamed it on stress, and refused to make any effort to correct the situation at his wife's urging -- everyone her can agree wholeheartedly that the man is being unresonable and that the wife has a legitimate cause for concern and complaint."
Birthing a baby is a miserably painful process and many of us are left with a crotch full of stitches. Many are still bleeding at six weeks. Comparing it to penile injury is more accurate than comparing it to stress. I think most men would want their wives to wait until the stitches came out and the bleeding stopped, and until getting an erection didn't pull painfully at the scar.
Along these lines, though, seeing a man through impotence isn't exactly a walk in the park, and diabetes is on the rise. Heart conditions can do this kind of thing, too, as can a handful of other problems. So can Prozac and its relatives, not to mention the depression for which they are prescribed, which at my age is a bit more common than diabetes and heart disease. Like new fathers, wives are expected to adapt, see him through it, do what we can to make it easier on him, reassure him that we still love him just the same. And like new mothers, they're hyper-sensitive and skeptical, they snipe at us, take their frustration out on us, get bitchy and resentful. Like new fathers, we have to take care of our own needs for a while, try to sit on our own feelings of frustration and betrayal. Like new mothers, they need a lot of patience as they figure out how to cope with sex again. Like new fathers, we contemplate giving up on the whole thing. Like new mothers, they're grateful when we don't.
Fact is, it's hard on both sides. Both men and women make sacrifices, both get unpleasant surprises. Both have to face disappointment at the hands of their spouse. Both will wake up one day married to someone quite different physically and mentally from the person they stood next to on their wedding day. Both will face points in the marriage at which cutting and running seems like a sensible option. Both will be tested. Neither will emerge unchanged. Marriage is like that. There is no other way. "Life is pain. Anyone who tells you different is selling something." (The Dread Pirate Roberts)
The funny thing is that this story seems to have had a happy ending. The author reassessed her sexuality, but she doesn't say that she forgot everything she learned in her Kama Sutra days. She doesn't say that her husband has had to learn to live permanently with something close to celibacy. She does say that she put some serious, conscious effort into her sex life following the initial six-week fiasco. She does say that she began to be more open and honest about what she liked and didn't like. She does say she began to see sex as fun rather than an an ego boost or an obligation. She also says that she began to appreciate sex itself even more. Really, it looks to me like their post-baby sex life is a considerable improvement over the pre-baby version, both more honest and more intimate.
What about this, from a male point of view, is bad?
