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• Monday, January 30, 2006 05:41 AM

  Still Distorting The Real Issue

  One reader posted:

  "We also tend to think of women as objects of physical beauty whose primary purpose is to provide sexual gratification. This is fundamentally warped. We are not window dressing for our vaginas. Men who marry for beauty tend to be less content in their marriages, as Neil Chethik discovered. Something to keep firmly in mind when choosing a wife.

  We also have a distorted notion of marriage itself. It's as if we assume that we are entitled to a person who will gratify our every need for the rest of our lives. I can't imagine anything less realistic. The notion of a happy marriage as one in which nothing has ever gone wrong is even more warped."

  This was in response to my assertion that men are ill-prepared for the radical changes in personality, dress and sexual habits that occur is some women after child birth.

  Notice how the female readers first tried to dismiss these radical changes in personality and sexual habits as "no big deal" or as "minor changes" that men should feel embarrassed to even complain about. The point being these changes some women (not all) undergo can be dramatic. (A huge drop in sexual activity that lasts for YEARS is not a minor change by anyones definition)

  Again, if a man were to lose almost all interest in sex and refuse to engage in sexual activity with his wife for years -- would women be so quick to say there is no problem? Would they argue that it's just evolution? Would they try to shame the wives if they asked for a divorce because they hadn't had sex in years?

  Of course not.

  If a man suddenly stopped dressing as he once did prior to a child -- threw out all his suits and ties and wore only sweat pants every single day, would that be a problem for a women?

  If a man suddenly refused to have sex with his wife after she gave birth for the next five or six years (or did it only after the wife begged) would women consider that a problem or just a "minor adjustment" and "perfectly natural"?

  If a man suddenly shaved his head (much like how women almost ritulaistically chop off all their hair once they become mothers) and ignored all onjections by their wives would that be an issue for a woman?

  If a man suddenly gained, say, 100 pounds after his wife gave birth and refused to go to the gym and dismissed all objections by his wife that he lose weight -- would women consider that an issue?

  The answer to every one of the questions is yes. Yes the wife would have a huge problem with a husabnd that suddenly gained 100-200 pounds, dressed very poorly and took no pride in his apperance and refused to have sex with his wife.

  Yet when women do this exact same thing after child birth -- notice how the double standard come up.

  Notice how men are now pigs for being dismayed that their spouses have these same issues that-- an yet if they occured in a man would be grounds for divorce.

  Wouldn't we all laugh at a man who refused to lose weight if his arguement was that society should stop viewing him only as a sexual object?

  And if HE refused to have sex with his wife -- should we shame wives for being sexual greedy? Should we tell that that they are wrong and selfish?

  —Anonymous
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