Letters to the Editor
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At Home or At Work
Thanks for the thoughtful well-written article. I have never been comfortable with opposition between women in the home vs. women in the work place. While conservatives like to cast feminist, some deservedly, as undervaluing the full time mother in favor of a career, the reality is more complex. Thus while technology and food processing has reduced the time needed for cooking and cleaning, our market driven economy which today often requires a two income family, does little to accommodate working women in terms of day care and flexible hours. Brooks ignores this issue. Yes some have to work, and find it more grey and dull and would prefer to stay home. But it must also be recognized that some women, like men, are driven to see their talents flourish; they are the doctors, writers and artist, and hopefully politicians, who make daily contributions to our culture. Many of these women, who I know personally, are not spinsters who ignore the pleasures of homelife, but somehow have managed to find a balance and good memories in both worlds.
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Polarized & Pathetic
What's sad about articles like this one, and indeed, the Brooks and Hirshman articles, is how polarized the perspectives are. As a man, there's a big part of me that says "who cares?" about this topic. I don't give a scurrying rat whether a woman stays home or goes to work or wears a gutted typewriter on her head as a fashion statement (actually, I'd like to see more women wearing gutted typewriter-hats as fashion statements. I think that would be lively and fun).
Let a woman stay home if she wants to. Big deal. Or work in an office or warehouse or as a Mold Maiden on a float in the annual Blue-Vein Cheese Parade of Elk Mound, Wisconsin. Or why not work part-time? How come no one in this debate mentions part-time work? I grew up in a small town where most of my friends' mothers were "housewives," and most of them worked part-time, to make money, and to do interesting stuff. That no one mentions this obvious middle-ground is telling. The right exaggerates the damage done to children and society by working mothers, and the left exaggerates the threat to feminist principles done by stay-at-home mothers.
Has it occurred to no one that stay-at-home mothers are not necessarily Republican, and working mothers not necessarily Democrat? We have, arguably, more working women in this country now than we've had since EVER, and the Republicans control the White House and Congress. Obviously, the number of working women and the advancement of feminist/liberal principles are not analogous.
I have an idea: let's turn this entire non-issue into yet another means to blather our self-serving (not to mention profitable) political agenda!
Clever.
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What do they know?
It strikes me that most of the people romanticizing stay-at-home motherhood are those who have never done it and would never dream of interrupting THEIR Important Careers to care for their own children around the clock. It seems to me that these are people who have no idea how hard, tedious, frustrating and isolating life is for a stay-at-home mother (or father) -- nor of how for most people, stay-at-home parenthood is economically impossible.
I'm talking about you, David Brooks.
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Broo ha ha
I was a stay at home mom for 15 years. Now that the children are gone, I began a career as a software developer.
A career ain't no great shakes; to be expected to work more than 8 hours at a time on one task is mind numbing and soul killing. But I do like the pay and I do like the accomplishment of finishing a project. On the other hand, I miss being the master of my domain (my household) and I miss being with my children.
Having said that and please understand I love my children and I am glad they exist, but I didn't NEED to be a mother. Nor do I believe that being a mother made my life more meaningful than if I wasn't a mother. I suspect fulfillment is found from within (excuse the cliche).
So people, do whatever and I can't believe this needs to be said..no one can say what is good for another, especially from someone who approaches it academically like David Brooks. He seems to live in a la-la land where one size is forever fitting all. Here's a motherly lesson my children know by rote: "Always" is never the truth and "never" is always a lie and absolutes don't exist anywhere in the physical universe.
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Stop having babies
If people find child-rearing so frustrating and unfulfilling, they should simply not have babies. Get a vasectomy or your tubes tied.
Too many people think that having children is a human obligation, that a life will be incomplete without kids. Baloney! In today's overpopulated and deteriorating world, having no children is the more responsible choice. Let the human race dwindle down to a few million. The earth will be much better off for it.
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Evidently...
David Brooks has never heard of "Desperate Housewives".
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The other 43 years of your life
If you have two kids two years apart at about age 30, they will both be in school full time in 7 years. Nobody tells the mothers of young children how fast it goes, and how little there is to do after they get big enough to have school and friendships. We don't make our own clothes anymore, or raise and slaughter our own meat. That leaves us with scrapbooking and eating bonbons to fill our empty hours.
Traditionalists invent all kinds of devices to deny the fact that women nowadays have both the time and the wherewithal to participate in public life- they homeschool, or have too many kids. But the truth is, women have the lifespan and the ability today to raise very small children, have remunerative work, and participate in community life. We really can have it all, and conservatives throw it away with both hands.
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The Art of Bad Theory
I would like to add to the spirit of Ms. Traister's column. Many children with stay at home mothers still get into trouble and have their own issues. A well publicized example some 4-5 years ago involved the the Bush twins. Isn't Laura a stay at home mom? At the beginning of the Bush's first term, the girls were busted for trying to buy alcohol underage and then ditched the secret service in order to go party. On the other hand, my son is the product of a divorced family and his mother works full-time but he knows he is well loved and strives to do his best in school(straight A's). Children want quality time not quanity but, I'm sure Mr. Brooks would know that if he spent time with his, if he has any. Now, if he doesn't his whole arguement is a mute point do to a lack of expeinece.