Martha Baer writes with fierce honesty about her relationship with a troubled young woman. This powerful piece really moved me. I am struck by the way she remains there for this young woman, even as her hope to salvage a life gone awry wanes.

Twenty years ago I volunteered to mentor a fatherless teenage boy who, although bright, had started experimenting with drugs, had run away a couple of times, and was failing at school

We had endless coversations. I spent many long hours getting him involved in as many social and religious activities as possible. We had endless conversations. He was a sweet kid. His mother was supportive. He wanted to make something of his life.

He went on to graduate from a good college. He's happily married, has three kids, and a very good job. In fact, he just called me this morning to let me know how things are going.

When I look back on my experience, I think the most important factor was the huge amount of time I was able to spend with this kid.

What I mean is that although he wasn't fantastically troubled, although I had considerable resources to bring to his care, although he was bright and good-natured, although his mother welcomed my efforts, although I had great support from several social and religious institutions, it still took a *huge* amount of one-on-one time with him to turn his life around.

I no longer have that sort of time, or that sort of energy. Very few people do.

The author or anyone else who volunteers to mentor a young person shouldn't feel bad or guilty if things don't work out well. Even under the best circumstances, the task is formidable.

For as sappy as it sounds, the important thing is that you're trying to do some good. And that, in and of itself, is commendable.

Mentoring as a practical solution for addict recovery is the correct approach but can only be effective in the correct context, under the auspices of the correct theory of addiction causation, Hypoism, rather than under the current and various misconceptions of addiction causation, and not as something imposed on the addict, hypoic, but freely chosen by the addict once the addict understands the nature of their addiction causing disease. There are neurobiological reasons for why this is true and they are discussed in this article: http://www.nvo.com/hypoism/hypoismhypothesis/ but more fully discussed in my book, Hypoic's Handbook, the Hypoism Paradigm of Addictions.

Once hypoics are allowed to know about the genetic disease they were born with, Hypoism, and its implications on decision-making, they will choose to use the Hypoism mentoring recovery process and addictions will become preventable, recoverable, and associated with helpful rather than damaging public policies.

Is mentoring useful? As I read the other letters here, I wondered if this question really captured the whole point of the story. I wish I knew more about Felicia, and more about how the relationship between her and Ms. Baer developed and changed. There are hints in the essay - which was very beautiful - of a change in the way Baer thought about mentoring. What began as a way of offering practical help and advice become something different. Love? Agape, as the christians have it? Maybe there is something else in human relationship beyond mere usefullness. To me, the glow of this something else illuminated the story, as if from the outside.

Anyway, thank you Salon for this wonderful piece!

Hats off to you miss Baer. It is important to try and help if you can. I teach at a continuation high school where many of the kids are on probation. The reasons for their problems are as varied as the students themselves but most involve some combination of drug abuse and parental neglect. I've been teaching there for ten years and sometimes I feel it has all been in vain. Occasionally a former student visits and they are actually doing okay. I am amazed at the small things they remember and the impact that some offhanded thing that I did has had upon them. It seems that it is sometimes possible to nudge someone into a more positive current.

Thank you so much for your efforts.

As Mother Teresa said: "People are often unreasonable and self-centerd. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway."

Martha gave Felicia what she could. Whether Felicia takes it and makes good use of it is up to Felicia. But NOT trying gives Felicia (or anyone else) no idea that there is another way to live her life. THAT would be a shame.

So sad,so frustrating.So insoluable.Butpassing on kindness is good enough.This article is gripping, touching and honest. Could we hear more about Felicia? What happens next?

From another Weeping Willow

My relationship with my "Felicia" lasted only nine months, before I moved out of the state. She wanted me to take her with me. Even if I could have, at 30, I didn't feel old enough to parent a 17-year-old girl. But I was the same age as her natural mother, the abusive one she'd been taken from at age 9, so the request seemed reasonable to her.

I couldn't help, and it's true that I might have "enabled," as several have said. But I'm still glad I did it, and I dare anyone who soothes with platitudes ("trying is all that matters!") or claims Felicia is own fault to try mentoring themselves. If they do, they will be brought closer to the gut understanding that can only come from experience, the wisdom that most Americans with any voice or power are sheltered from by their SUVs and the lulling hypnosis of the latest Old Navy commercial on TV.

Reaching these girls--and boys--in their teens is to almost never reach them at all. Their injury comes much earlier. And yes, in the end they have to heal themselves, but they don't know how.

Are their parents to blame? In a sense, yes. But who cares? Blame does no good. Better if we recognize that, given a certain set of social circumstances, a percentage of people will behave in a certain way, and the worse those circumstances become, the more people will act that way. A sub-living wage, unemployment, overpriced childcare, lack of health insurance--and a drug economy that useless billions are spent to never destroy: these circumstances will keep creating more Felicias.

It may not be possible to completely fix these problems. But "completeness" is never possible--so what? When someone tells you you can’t save the world, say you’re not trying to. Life is not an equilibrium system. It’s sliding constantly toward chaos, toward entropy. You can choose to either aid it, or to push back. Forget saving. Even to stay where we are, people have to push back. And that's hard, so they won't, unless they see what they're pushing against.

Try it. Just the attempt at pushing can teach you how to push better, or at least well enough to live with yourself. And one of the best ways to push is the one Martha's shared here: she may not be able to save Felicia, but at least she can put Felicia's story in front of more people's faces. That solidarity--it helps too.

Imagine if every suburban workplace had such an advocate.... Certain shelters might start to crumble like the sandy walls they are.